Not D N Angel
by monkeybait
Summary: A normal life? You're so demanding!
1. The Beginning of a Very Long Story

"DAISUKE!!!!! Come on, honey, time to get up! I made you lots of yummies! HURRY BEFORE IT GETS COLD! _COME ON LAZY, I SAID GET UP!_"

"I'm awake, okay?!" Daisuke shouted.

Daisuke was a boy in 8th grade. He was smallish for his age, about four foot seven, but with his hair he just grazed five feet. He has a pet creature named Wiz. His mom always puts obstacles in front of him to challenge him daily and his grandpa isn't much help. He's used to it though (somehow). He walked downstairs to see his mom laying out some colorful bottles on the kitchen table.

"Hey, honey, guess which one isn't poisonous! Go ahead, guess!" his mom said cheerily. Daisuke blinked.

"… Gee, Mom, as much as I'd love to, I really have to get to school and do stuff." Daisuke grabbed his backpack and headed for the door.

"But, Poptart! You need to get in your breakfast! You never know when you'll need strength throughout the day!" Daisuke's mom advised. "Have a big bowl of oatmeal before you go! Please, biscuit?"

Daisuke eyed the food suspiciously. "That's poisonous."

"Oh, how right you are!! You passed the test! Yay, Daisuke!" His mom attempted to hug him, but Daisuke ducked and raced out the door.

"Hurry, hurry, son! You don't know when Risa will get on the train!" She shouted out the window. Daisuke froze.

"H-how do you know about that?" he shouted back. "I never talk to you or grandpa about anything because I'm too embarrassed to be seen with you!"

"I have my ways…" she answered maliciously.

"Well, don't shout stuff like that to the world!!!"

"Oh, relax, Daisuke, nobody knows who you are anyway!" his mom said, waving. "Bye-bye!"

Unfortunately, that was a lie.

Daisuke kept walking, deeply disturbed. Somehow his mom seemed to know everything about him… and so did everyone else. Which was probably because she shouted it out the window everyday. Daisuke growled and raised off to the train station.

"Hey, Daisuke!" said the train guy. Daisuke blinked and looked around.

"Me?" he asked, pointing to himself.

"Who else?" the train guy laughed. Daisuke sweat dropped, a little afraid.

"Um… yeah. I'd like to board the train. Here's my ticket."

"Okay. Thanks." The train guy stopped him for a second. "Oh, and good luck with Risa today." The train guy gave him a thumbs up.

"H-How does everyone know about this?" Daisuke thought out loud.

"Huh? Oh, your mom keeps us informed." The train guy grinned.

"Uh… okay…" Daisuke got on the train. _'I'm going to kill my mom for this...'_

Daisuke got on the train and stared at the letter he wrote for Risa. It was a pretty letter on pink stationary. Daisuke hoped Risa liked pink. She always got on the train at 8:09 everyday. He knew this, because he inherited the "stalker gene" from his mom. And his weird friend has the stalker gene, too, but we'll get to him later…

The train stopped and Daisuke watched as Risa got on. Risa was a taller than him. She was five foot three and, yes, that was with her hair. It was long, so she tied it back with a bow. She had a twin sister, but Daisuke didn't think she was pretty. They don't look the same.

But then a bunch of other people got on the train, and Daisuke couldn't see her anymore. He considered crying… no, no, too masculine for that. He would have to push his way through the endless sea of people.

"Um… excuse me… sorry… excuse me… EXCUSE ME…HEY!!! **EXCUSE ME!!!!!**" Daisuke shouted.

"Hey, it's Daisuke!" someone said.

"Oh, no, not you too…" Daisuke growled.

"Ha, ha! Believe it!" the random person said. The guy laughed, but Daisuke just growled again.

"Yeah, whatever, now move it or lose it." The crowd stayed packed together. Daisuke gritted his teeth, then broke into a run. Suddenly, the entire crowd decided to jump to one side, so Daisuke charged into the back of the train. A few of his teeth chipped.

"… Ow…" Daisuke fell over. His vision was going all fuzzy. No, wait, Wiz was sitting on his face.

"WIZ?!" Daisuke ripped the rabbit thing off of himself. "What are you doing here?! Go home!"

Wiz stared up at Daisuke with his large eyes.

"Bad creature! Bad!" Daisuke took out a spray bottle and spritzed Wiz in the face. Wiz screeched and jumped out the window.

"Daisuke?"

Daisuke looked up. It was Risa, his true, blue, Scooby-doo, positively new, whoopty-doo love. She was staring down at him. Daisuke grinned at her and Risa winced.

"Ew… Daisuke, do you actually take care of your teeth?" Risa drew back in fear, eyeing his chipped teeth from the impact.

"Um, sorry, I just ran into a wall…" Awkward silence. "My teeth are usually shiny." Awkward silence. "… I use Crest. What do you use?"

Risa sighed. "You're really bad at small talk."

"Great! Let's talk about how bad I am!" Daisuke grinned weakly. Someone shouted, "Go Daisuke!" and "You da man!". Risa turned around.

"Who the heck are they?"

"I only wish I knew…" Daisuke said with a sigh.

"_Last stop… Daisuke's hometown and Daisuke's school… please get off the train or we will have to call the police… by the way, good luck Daisuke_," a robotic voice over the intercom said.

"Why is everyone wishing you good luck?!" Risa demanded, putting her hands on her hips as they left the train.

"Um… I have an exam today!" Daisuke lied, because Japanese people always seem to have exams. Suddenly, he stubbed his toe on the stairs and fell backwards.

"OW!!!!" he shouted, holding his head and foot at the same time.

"Hey, Daisuke?" Risa asked. Daisuke returned his attention to her.

"What is it?"

"… You're such a baby and a klutz."

Daisuke blinked. "Okay, klutz I get, but I am not a baby!"

"Yes you are, you're tearing up."

"_WELL WHAT DO EXPECT?! I RUN HEADFIRST INTO A METAL WALL, THEN I STUB MY TOE AND HIT MY HEAD ON STONE STEPS! THAT'S INCREDIBLY PAINFUL AND, IF I WASN'T AN ANIME CHARACTER, I WOULD PROBABLY HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE I GOT A CONCUSSION OR GET MY TOE REMOVED OR SOMETHING!_" Daisuke shouted. He coughed. "And now my throat hurts from yelling so much."

"Well, that's your own fault, isn't it?" Risa glared at him and walked away. Daisuke sighed. _'What a super day THIS is turning out to be...'_

"Don't let her walk away, Daisuke!"

"Oh, not you again…" Daisuke sighed, turning around to see a group of dudes.

"Get up!"

"Run to her!"

"Before she's gone!"

"Oh, shut up!!!" Daisuke yelled at them and they cowered in fear. "Just go away... and stop crying!"

* * *

"So…" said Daisuke's best friend, Takeshi, marching up and down in front of Daisuke's desk, "You failed." 

"Failed what?"

"With Risa, man!" Takeshi yelled, throwing out his arms.

"How. Does. Everyone. Know. This?!" Daisuke shouted, banging his head on his desk between each word.

"It doesn't matter how I know, dude! It matters what you're going to do about!" Takeshi yelled again. "Now tell me: what _are_ you gonna do?"

"Takeshi…"

"Stand up and show me your game face!"

"Takeshi…!"

"I SAID STAND UP!"

"Takeshi, stop it. I'm not going to do anything, what's the point?" Daisuke said, angrily glaring at his friend.

"…Fine. In other news," Takeshi said, continuing. "I aim to be a reporter!"

"… That's great, but totally irrelevant. Why are you telling me this?"

"Because there's a huge event going on at 11:00. My dad's going to be there; he's a policemen, not to mention detective, investigator and horse whisperer!" Takeshi looked around. "But he doesn't want anyone to know about that last occupation."

"11:00? At night?"

"It was at 9:00, but it was changed for what ever reason," Takeshi explained, shrugging. "It's a painting thief! My dad is gonna be there and he told me not to come, but I'm going to hide in a tree and videotape the whole thing! Isn't that totally awesome?!"

Daisuke sighed (he sighs a lot!). "You do that, Takeshi."

"Oh, I will. I just need to find some film."

"So… that painting robbery," Daisuke said, interested for some reason. "What's it about?"

"Well, there's-"

Suddenly, someone came over. It was the coolest student at the school, Satoshi Hiwatari. Everyone loved Satoshi because of his three C's complexion (cool, calm and collected). Not to mention, there was no girl in school who could resist the awe-inspiring aura of his blue hair. He got good grades and scores on tests. There were even teachers who would jump in front of a moving truck to stop him from getting tire tracks all over his perfect face. Everyone knew who Satoshi was.

"H-Hello, Satoshi!" Takeshi stuttered. Takeshi was never talked to by cool people. "What an honor it is to be graced by your presence!"

"Yes." The light on Satoshi's glasses shone. "It is."

Takeshi fell over.

"He… he SPOKE to me!" Takeshi grinned stupidly.

"Pray tell, were you by any chance talking about the thief coming to the art museum this evening?" Satoshi asked Daisuke.

"Um-"

"Don't ask him, he doesn't know anything about it!" Takeshi quickly interrupted. "I can get all the details from my dad! He's a policeman/reporter/investigator/horse... nevermind, but he's going to be there tonight!"

"Sorry, but I need details now, um…" Satoshi paused. "Tim...mantha??"

"Takeshi, close enough," Takeshi replied quickly. "I know it starts at eleven on the dot and that it will be the first time in forty years that it's happened! I'm going to film it, do you want me to give you the tape?"

"Sure. That's... cool." Satoshi stared at Daisuke as Takeshi fell over again. "You look familiar somehow."

"Seeing as we have nearly every class together, that would make sense," Daisuke mumbled. "My name is Daisuke."

"Indeed. And I'm so popular, I suppose you already know who I am." Satoshi looked at the wall clock with a quick jerk of his head. "Look at the time. I must be off. Goodbye, Daisuke and Tony."

"Takeshi!" Daisuke's unwise friend shouted after him.

But Satoshi was already gone. Mysteriously.

"Wow... he's so... _mysterious_." Takeshi said, his eyes shining.

"Hence the exit. He's really not all that great..." Daisuke rolled his eyes. "You really do idolize him."

"Not idolize. Worship!" Takeshi took a Satoshi action figure out of his pocket. Daisuke stared out the window, wondering why he was still friends with this guy...


	2. Interragation and Transformation

"Let's see… gotta get into the art room…" Daisuke took out his key card and sliced it into the little slot of an activation machine.

"ACCESS DENIED," came a strange female voice from the machine.

"Huh?" Daisuke stared at his card. "Oops… this is the card to get into the science room. I must have left the other card in my locker. Oh well, I'll just fiddle with the combination until it opens, because I'm too lazy to get my other card... thing..."

7, 4, 9, 8, 3, 5, 1, 2, 6… "ACCESS GRANTED."

"Hey, that was lucky." Daisuke opened the door and looked around. Suddenly, the door closed behind him again.

It was Satoshi.

Dun, dun, dun!

A very cool dun, dun, dun.

"Oh, hi Satoshi." Daisuke went back to his business.

"Hello, Daisuke," Satoshi said. "I need to ask you two questions. Would you care to answer them?"

"Uh… maybe. Depends on what they are." Daisuke was in the way back of the art room. He wanted to stay as far away from Satoshi as he possibly could. Satoshi's strange interest in him was starting to give him the heebie-jeebies…

"First," said Satoshi. "Are you free this evening?"

"Um... why?" Daisuke asked, slightly weirded out.

"Just wondering."

"..." Daisuke sweat dropped, wondering if he should start hyperventilating or screaming for help, because Satoshi was scaring him again. Then he collected himself; despite not really caring about being cool, having a spaz attack in front of Satoshi seemed like the kind of thing that everyone would know about tomorrow… whether or not his mom shouted it out the window. "Tonight? Well, tonight is my birthday, so I need to make sure my mom doesn't burn the house down attempting to make me a cake… and then I've got homework, but otherwise, no. Why?"

"No reason…" Satoshi grinned suspiciously, that kind of makes-you-wish-you-could-rip-off-their-mouth-stuff-it-in-a-sack-and-throw-it-over-a-cliff grin. Satoshi continued. "My second question is, why did your cell phone ring in class today? And why did our teacher tell you he was 'so sorry'?"

Daisuke blinked as he went back to sixth period…

* * *

It was 6th period science. 

"Now remember, class," whispered their teacher, Mr. Pretzel. "These ants and these termites have been living together in peace for a long time in a sound-proofed room. However, one abrupt and loud noise could immediately disturb the balance that I've taken years to create. But I thought I could show their digging patterns to you in trust that an abrupt and loud noise will by no means go off."

_Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo!_

_Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo!_

"_WHO WAS THAT_?!" Mr. Pretzel shouted, tears streaming down his face as the termites began to eat the confused, terrified ants. "_'FESS UP OR THE WHOLE CLASS HAS TO WRITE AN ESSAY ON WHY CELL PHONES SHOULD BE ILLICIT!!!_" Mr. Pretzel's face was the color of an overly ripe plum. "_CONFESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!_"

It was, of course, Daisuke's phone. And Daisuke is a good kid, so he decided that he would turn himself in. But Takeshi got their first.

"It was Daisuke! Not me this time!" Takeshi shouted, before he could take the blame. As usual.

"… Thanks, Takeshi," Daisuke mumbled, sweatdropping.

"Well, no one wants to write an essay…" his friend mumbled back.

"Geez, Daisuke, you're even more annoying than I thought!" Risa shouted in a very Sakura-like way. Daisuke considered begging, but he was immediately interrupted by Mr. Pretzel.

"DAISUKE!" his teacher yelled. "WHY IS YOUR CELL PHONE ON?!"

"M-my mom told me to leave it on…" Daisuke admitted, sliding down in his seat in fear. "She said it was 'In case of something important'. And she's on the phone right now, so it's probably something to-"

Mr. Pretzel grabbed Daisuke's cell phone, flipped it open and turned it on. "Hello? Mrs. Niwa? Yes, your son's cell phone was on in class… How important can it be to have it on in class???... ... ... Oh, that's terrible!... Yes, you can talk to him." Mr. Pretzel handed back Daisuke his cell phone.

"Daisuke! I'm so sorry!" Mr. Pretzel burst into tears as he hugged his student.

"Um, okay… I'm going into the hall." Daisuke pushed out of the embrace and raced off into the hallway.

Daisuke stared at his phone. _'Do I really want to know…?'_ He sighed (again!). "Hello? Mom?"

"Hi, my little slice of cheesecake! It's Mommy!"

"… Yeah. What did you want me for?"

"I just wanted to tell you that I need you home by 4:25 and 43 seconds today!" his mom said in her ever-cheery voice. "Don't forget!"

"I won't. But what the heck did you tell my teacher?!"

"Oh, nothing… Just that some guy hit Grandpa with a steamroller and I've been peeling him off the road for hours in desperate attempt to bury him in a proper funeral."

Daisuke blinked. "This never happened, I'm guessing."

"How right you are! That's my boy! Oh, and sorry about Risa. Bye!"

Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop.

"... I hate the stalker gene." Daisuke growled and through down his phone so that it broke. At least he has a spare!

* * *

"… Um, actually, I wouldn't care to answer that one," Daisuke replied. 

"Why? Because you do have plans tonight and you just don't want to tell me about them?!" Satoshi asked interragtingly, looking at Daisuke with eyes scanning for any signs of lyingness. Daisuke blinked, backing into a corner.

"No...?"

"Oh. Okay." Seemingly disappointed, Satoshi turned back to whatever it was he was doing.

"So… do you like art?" asked Daisuke, not wanting to experience another awkward silence that day.

"I am passionate about art, but not obsessed with art. As some people are. But I am not one of those people." Satoshi turned to look at Daisuke. "Are YOU one of those people?"

"Me? Uh, no." Daisuke had a feeling Satoshi didn't like him. _'Maybe an awkward silence would have been better...'_

"You have heard of the art robbery later this evening?" Satoshi inquired.

"Uh… yeah. You were there when my friend told me."

"Ah. Yes. Him. The… incommodious one." Satoshi glanced at the wall clock. "I must be off."

"Uh… yeah, me too." Daisuke finished what he was doing in the art room, I think it was cleaning, and started walking home.

When suddenly it clicked in his mind.

He needed to be home by 4:25.

It was 4:23.

He was three and half miles from home.

…

Whatever would Daisuke do?

But his mom had trained him and Daisuke ran home, making it two seconds before his mom wanted him back.

"Good job, my little bowl of marshmallow fluff!" said his mom, her voice coming over an intercom installed in his house. "Why don't you come in the kitchen for a big slice of pecan pie and a glass of milk?"

Daisuke grabbed an umbrella from the umbrella rack and poked a tile in the hallway. It began slowly drifting into a pit full of crocodiles. Daisuke then took out a can of Pam and sprayed it around the room. As it turns out, Pam can actually show hidden lasers (wow, who would have guessed?), and Daisuke weaved his way in and out of them until he made it to the kitchen. The door said, "Congratulations, Daisuke! You win the pie and milk!" and Daisuke took out a nail and touched the doorknob. The nail melted on impact, and Daisuke kicked down the door and walked into the kitchen.

"YAY, DAISUKE! YOU DID IT!" his mom screeched, hugging Daisuke in a choking hug. "You got 100 percent today! Kicking down the door was an interesting way of getting inside… but still! Yay, Daisuke! I made you some pie and I promise it's not poisonous this time."

"Yes, it is."

"Ooh, you're right! Yay, Daisuke! Yay!" His mom pranced around the room singing.

"Yeah. I think I'm just going to make my own pie…" Daisuke didn't exactly trust his mother when it came to cooking. "And you're not going to put explosives in the cake this year, are you?"

"No, silly," his mom said, thrusting her index finger into the air. "I'll put in something better! You'll never expect it! Mwa, ha, ha, ha! I mean, um... I wasn't just laughing maniacally!"

"… Yeah, okay, Mom." Daisuke went up into his room. Wiz was sitting on his bed. Daisuke's room was very boring. It had a window, a bed, a bedside table and an empty easel. Because of the little furniture in the room, Daisuke noticed the change immediately.

"Wiz!! Where's the picture I painted of Risa???" Wiz burped and a piece of painted paper flew out of his mouth. Daisuke's eyes were as big as medicine balls. "YOU ATE IT?! WIZ HOW COULD YOU?! That took me twenty nine hours to paint!!!!!" Daisuke started crying. "Wiz, you stupid rabbit thing! If you weren't so adorable, I would have eaten you years ago!!!!!"

"Kyuu," said Wiz cutely, widening his eyes and fluffing up his fur to further protect himself from being devoured.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the kitchen… 

"Oh, Gran-dude!" squealed Daisuke's mom. "You must help me with a surprise idea for Daisuke's cake this year! I've already done explosives, fireworks, mines, electrical currents, hungry vampire bats, bears, pins, needles, and rocks before! I need a new idea! Got any?"

"Hmm…" Daisuke's grandpa thought, then snapped his fingers. "I know! Flammable liquids, such as alcohol and isopropanol! Then when you light the candles, the whole cake will be ablaze!"

"Yeah! Great idea!" Daisuke's mom skipped off into the kitchen. "Where do we keep those again?"

"Second drawer on your right."

"Thanks."

Suddenly, Daisuke shouted from upstairs.

"HEY, MOM!"

"Yes, sugar-nugget?"

"I just got a growth spurt!"

"That's great!"

Daisuke's mom continued to cook. Daisuke's idea of a growth spurt was his hair growing another centimeter or so.

"…Mom?"

"What, sweetie-pie?"

"Does getting a growth spurt also mean I get purple hair?"

"… It's not supposed to."

"Oh."

Silence.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"


	3. Night at the Museum

Takeshi stared at the tape.

The very last tape he had at the moment.

All the rest were sold on e-bay, lost or burned by Takeshi's grandmother.

But this one was the most important to him.

"I've got to erase the footage," Takeshi said, gulping through his tears as he slipped it into the video camera for erasage. "Come on… you've got to make yourself do this. For Satoshi. Because if you do this, you'll get into the cool group. Yeah. And Satoshi will think you're awesome. Okay. Yes. I'm going to do this. I'm going to press the erase button." His finger wavered above the shining red button of doom hesitantly.

"Stop talking to yourself," said Takeshi's younger sister, Wendy. She was playing with some metallic silly putty and trying to see if she could touch her tongue to her nose. "Can't you just get this over with so we can go out for ice cream? Don't forget: you _promised_."

"Quiet, Wendy," said Takeshi seriously. He stared at the tape, the beloved tape with the sacred footage. He burst into tears. "I CAN'T DO THIS!!!"

"Now I know what I'm getting you for Christmas: a life." Wendy sighed and grabbed the camera. "Here, I'll just delete it th-"

"NOOOO!" Takeshi snatched the camera back. "Wendy, you don't know what this is. You don't know what I had to do to get this!"

Wendy threw her silly putty up in the air and it stuck to the ceiling. She growled, and then turned back to her "incommodious" brother. "Well, if it's so important, than just keep it. The painting thief dude is gonna be all over TV anyway, so what's the big deal?"

"Wendy, you don't know anything. You're only six." Takeshi stared at the tape, ignoring Wendy's arguments that she was nine. It was his prized possession and had taken him forever to get, not to mention, it was extremely difficult to tape as well. He had hidden in a tree for twelve hours wearing all black Spandex on the hottest day in July just to get three minutes and forty seven seconds of Daisuke's mom mowing the lawn.

"And those were the greatest three minutes and forty seven seconds of my life," Takeshi said proudly.

"Pardon?"

"Never you mind, Wendy." Takeshi grinned. "Forget Satoshi. I'm going to keep the tape. It's my favorite."

"You do that."

Suddenly, the silly putty stuck to the ceiling unfortunately decided that now of all times it would loosen and fall from the ceiling. Right before Takeshi could take out the tape.

And right onto the red button of doom.

REWIND. Click! DELETE.

Takeshi could do nothing but stare. Wendy stared, too, but not awe-struck.

"Well," she stated flatly after a few moments. "I suppose that takes care of that little problem."

She walked off to go buy some ice cream by herself, even though she wasn't allowed, as her brother continued to stare with face frozen in a look of utter shock.

* * *

"MOM!" Daisuke ran downstairs. "MOM! MOM! MOOOOOOOOM!" 

"No need to shout, we're in the same room," said Daisuke's mom, grinning.

"My hair is purple and I'm tall and my hair purple and I'm ugly and my hair is purple!" Daisuke complained. "And the worst part is, my hair is PURPLE!"

"Yeah, we caught that," said Daisuke's mom sarcastically yet brightly. "And don't say you're ugly. I think you're quite pretty."

"Mom… this is your son you're talking about."

"So? It's my job to embarrass and love you."

"Okay, off topic. You don't seem too phased by this, so I'm going to have to ask grandpa," said Daisuke. If worse came to worse, he always turned to his grandfather. Like if he wanted ten bucks, though he usually only got a monologue about "the old days" or something relevant to that, which he didn't pay attention to.

"Hmm… lessee now… purple hair... this must mean it's your fourteenth birthday…" Daisuke's grandpa said, sipping his tea.

"Uh… yeah," Daisuke said, nodding. "But do you think you could help-"

"Shoot, I thought it was his twelfth birthday." Daisuke's mom snapped her fingers at their lack of candles.

"I thought it was his eighth," his grandpa said, shrugging.

"… okay, more irrelevantness. HELP ME!" Daisuke shouted, throwing out his arms.

"We can't do that, sweetie!" said Daisuke's mom cheerily. "The only way you can change back to normal is if you steal art!"

"What? How does THAT work out?!" Daisuke yelled, looking between the two adults in confusion.

"… I don't really know," said his grandpa, looking only a half as confused as Daisuke.

"It's an ancient family curse! Oo-oo-ooh!" Daisuke's mom said, shining a flashlight under her eyes. "All the boys in the family get it when they turn fourteen. But all the other boys are extinct or too old or eaten by crocodiles, so you're the only one left. I, unfortunately, never get to do anything so fun as turn into Dark." She sniffled.

"Uh… Dark?" Daisuke asked. "Wait… why am I asking you guys? You're morons."

"You're talking to your mother, Mister Man!" Daisuke mom scolded. "Now, listen to your grandpa!"

"You steal art because it has ancient stuff inside it and then we destroy the evil spirits and then you turn back to normal," Daisuke's grandpa said. "Get me more tea."

"No." Daisuke's mom turned back to her son. "But you only transform into Dark when you think about Risa! Um, or so we've been told."

**(I sort of changed it so that doesn't happen. Hey! Don't look at me like that! This isn't under the category 'romance', now is it?)**

"Why?!"

"We have absolutely no idea!" his mom said, grinning. "But you better hurry! I sent out the notice for 11:00! Everyone's going to be waiting for you!"

"Wait… what?" Suddenly, Daisuke remembered. The big event that night was supposed to be him? "**MOM**! Why'd you tell everybody?"

"Oh, come on! I wanna see it on TV too ya know!" Daisuke's mom said. "That's why! Wiz is your wings. Don't ask."

"Do you mean to say I'm gonna fly?!"

"Like I said, I'm totally jealous." Daisuke's mom sobbed slightly. "Waah… You're so lucky! Oh and feed Wiz."

Daisuke sighed and took out Wiz's food, some weird brand called 'Bugs and Stuff'. He didn't want to know what the 'and Stuff' was, but Wiz sure seemed to like it. He was a little confused, but then again, there was really not much straight-forward about his life.

* * *

"…Daisuke?" 

Silence.

"Come on, Daisuke. I know you're still there. You have to jump off the roof with Wiz or you'll never make it in time! I have camera people waiting!"

"Now I feel extra super confident, **THANKS MOM**!"

"No problem, my Daisuke-Dumpling!"

Suddenly, Daisuke's mom came and pushed him from behind into the sky. Daisuke screamed almost the whole way, but passed out because he ran out of air. He woke flying across the moon, looking super-cool for the cameras and millions of adoring fan girls that wanted nothing more but to get their paws on him before any of the other Dark wannabes did.

* * *

"Oh, Riku!" Risa sighed for the nine millionth time that night. "I'm going to marry Dark someday and we're going to fly off into the sunset and raise our purple-haired little offspring together and we'll live in a big house on a high hill far away from all the other **_conniving little witches_** who want to destroy our_ happy_ little family! I will be so happy! And you can come visit us, Riku, because I know you wouldn't dare steal him from me, would you?" 

"Oh, heaven forbid," said Riku flatly, who was scarcely paying attention to the ramblings of her love struck twin.

Risa approached her sister slyly. "So, I see you're reading one of my girly girl magazines! Need tips about a boy? Got your eye on someone? ... Hey! Give me that marker! Honestly, can't I give you a magazine without you drawing a mustache on every hot guy in there?"

"I didn't think you'd care, you've got your heart set on Dark," Riku answered, grinning slightly. Suddenly, she had to close her ears to stop herself from hearing Risa's high-pitched squeal of delight and watched her sister race forward to press her nose against the TV screen.

"He's on! He's on! Oh my, isn't he _hot_, Riku? Don't answer that. Oh, he's going inside! Aw, that's all we get to see? No inside footage?" Risa pouted, walking over to her bed and slumping down on it. "That was only a few seconds… but they sure were magical!"

"I'm going to go bathe," Riku muttered, walking away.

* * *

"Okay… let's see… I'm looking for a statue of a head," Daisuke mumbled to himself, than took out the picture his mother had given him of the statue. It was the upper half of a guy with curly hair. "Great. That looks like almost every statue here…" 

Suddenly, he heard shouts coming from the hall.

"ZOMG, what the heck am I gonna do?!" Daisuke raced into a broom closet and hid. "How come everyone seems to know about Dark except for me? Why does everyone know everything that goes on except me?! Oh no, here comes someone…"

A man opened the door. Daisuke shouted the first thing that came into his head.

"Do you mind? I'm naked."

"Oh, sorry- HEY WAIT A MINUTE!" the man yelled after him as Daisuke disappeared down a corridor.

_Wonder where THAT came from… at least it worked,_ Daisuke thought to himself. Well, then again, who else would he be thinking to?

"Hey, Dark! Look over here!"

_I know that voice…_

Daisuke turned around. It was Takeshi.

"Smile for the camera, Dark! The world loves ya! Except the police... hmm..."

"I don't have time for this!" Daisuke shouted. "Where's the head? Have you seen it, Takeshi?"

"Oh my God! You know my name!" Takeshi fell over for the third time that day, but behind him was the very statue Daisuke was looking for. Daisuke grabbed it and started making a mad dash for the window, when someone grabbed him.

"Takeshi, let go-" Daisuke started, but it wasn't Takeshi.

It was (dun, dun, dun!) Satoshi.

"Hello, Dark. We meet again," he said with an evil grin.

**Oh, the epicness! Can you hardly contain yourselves? Chapter four awaits!**


	4. More Flashbacking! Yay, Time Traveling!

"S-Satoshi?" Daisuke stuttered. "What are you doing here?!"

"You know exactly what I'm doing here, Dark."

"No, I don't… Seriously, if you could tell me, that might speed things up a bit," Daisuke answered truthfully.

Satoshi looked unhappy, but pressed onward. "I'm here because you are. I'm here to stop you. Put that statue back, because you obviously have no idea what you're doing."

"Uh… no?" Daisuke headed back towards the window to leave, but Satoshi pushed him and took the statue.

"That was too easy." He raced off to find the police, but suddenly Daisuke turned fully into Dark! (Daisuke evolved into Dark! (Legend of Zelda treasure chest music plays))

Dark knocked out Satoshi as easily as if he were but a bread stick, than jumped out the window with the statue, flew around the moon a couple times to increase popularity ratings, than started for home.

"That was far too close," Dark said to himself. "Now I have to go home and get this thing destroyed. And make sure that Daisuke's mom didn't burn down the house or lock herself in the garage or something along those lines. I'm just full of good deeds!" He grinned at how much he loved himself and his fliptacular purple hair.

But at that moment, Dark began to change back into Daisuke! ZOMG! HIJKLMNOP!

* * *

Riku had finished her bath and decided to walk out onto the porch in her pajamas. Risa was still busy drooling over the image of Dark inside and she didn't want to go back to her sister explaining her future plans of her fairytale ending with Dark, which sometimes involved unicorns and leprechauns. Riku figured if she even heard the name Dark again she would have to break something of value to someone, like a spine, to get rid of all her blind fury.

Suddenly, Dark came down and gave her a big kiss, then pulled away and looked disgusted. Riku was in a shock.

"Oh, sorry. I usually wouldn't have done that, but you looked hotter from a distance," Dark growled as if deeply upset and flew away.

Riku stayed there for about an hour in shock, going humina, humina, humina in fetal position. When she finally went in, Risa asked her what she had been doing; she muttered something about making sure the toaster wasn't on fire, before slowly walking away. Risa shrugged and went back to her girlish fancies.

* * *

"I'm hoooo-oooome!" Dark shouted. 

"Yay! You're back! Mission, complete!" said Daisuke's mom, attempting to sound like Star Fox, but it was more like a mom attempting to sound like Star Fox. "Now, let's go rid of it! Wake up your grandpa."

Dark changed back into Daisuke with a 'KA-POOF' noise.

"Wait… I'm so confused…" Daisuke stammered. "Dark kissed my girlfriend- I mean crush's- sister. Why'd he do that?"

_'Hello, little boy.'_

"W-who said that?" said Daisuke, whipping around.

_'I've infected your mind and I'm taking over. If you don't do what I say, I'm going to bite your brain stem and render you motionless until you plead for mercy and bow down to my almightiness.'_

"Dark can talk to you in your mind, sweetie."

"He can? I feel very violated!" It did not make Daisuke feel better when his mom started laughing at his expense.

_'I'm getting tired of standing. Imagine me a bed.'_

"You can't really hurt me can you?!" Daisuke asked, terrified.

_'Not as if I'd want to anyway. Now imagine me a bed before I keel over. And something to drink. Chop, chop.'_

Out of anger at being chop-chopped, Daisuke imagined Dark a poisonous beverage. That probably wasn't the smartest thing he's ever done.

_'Ugh! What is this?'_

"Lysol. That's for chop-chopping me."

_'You idiot! How am I supposed to steal art when I'm poisoned?! Geez, and this is after I was kind enough to spare your brain stem… I feel woozy…'_

Meanwhile, Daisuke's mom is breaking the statue of the head with a sledge hammer and releasing the trapped spirit, Risa is talking to a wall about about marrying Dark because she can't find Riku, and Riku is hiding under her bed surrounded by various four leaf clovers, horseshoes and whatnot. Dark is poisoned, Daisuke is a spiky-haired, short guy that everyone still loves, his grandpa is raiding the fridge for the last of the spaghettied squash, and Takeshi is crying because he left the lens cap on the camera the whole time he was filming. Everyone is happy. Okay, that's a lie. Only Risa is truly happy... But whatever.

* * *

The next day, Daisuke got off the train with Takeshi right at his heels. 

"I'm telling you, I got some great footage! I'm just not allowed to show it, because news shows and detectives everywhere want their hands on the tape. Because, you know, it helps with the mystery and stuff. I'm just waiting for the right price because… I've got everyone bidding on it," Takeshi lied. "Of course, right?"

"Uh, yeah, of course," replied Daisuke, who could see through Takeshi's subterfuges whether or not he was half-awake. Like he was this morning.

Suddenly, Daisuke saw Risa and Riku approaching.

"So, um, Risa…" Riku asked her sister cautiously, poking her index fingers together in a very Hinata-ish manner. "This is just hypothetical but, uh… let's say I kissed Dark… even if it were unintentional… what would you do to me?"

Risa was quiet for a moment; Riku thought her sister might blow up until she said, "If it were unintentional?"

Risa gulped, but manged to say, "Yes" in a squeaky, nervous voice.

"Well, I'd have to beat you upside the head with a nightstick until you apologized and swore on your life that you would never go in a fifty foot range of him ever again," replied Risa, who had a smile plastered on her face while she said this. "But of course, that's only if it were unintentional."

"What if it were intentional?"

Risa's smile faded. "Then I'd have to kill you."

"Oh. My." Riku gulped again and decided she would not divulge the secret of last night to her violent sibling, as unintentional was starting to sound worse than intentional.

"Hey! Daisuke!" Risa shouted and raced ahead to her spiky-haired peer. "I most certainly cannot date you at all now, not that I was going to, because I have an undying crush on Dark and I'm afraid that if I dated you, Dark might get jealous and will come and kill you!"

_Yeah, watch out Daisuke. I might get so insanely jealous that this girl I've never met is so in love with you that I'll have to eat your innards while you're sleeping… is it just me or does everything look really RED today?_

"Uh, that's okay," said Daisuke, ignoring Dark who had yet to get over the poisonous sickness. "I've already come to face the fact that you and I can never be together."

"Oh, good! Than I don't have to diss you even more! Thanks for that!" Risa ran off, dragging a rather terrified Riku after her.

* * *

A lot had happened the night before. When Risa finally got bored of talking to walls, she wanted to see if her future would come true. So of course, she had to consult someone… or something. 

"Okay, Pokemon cards!" Risa told her deck consisting of every card known to man and then some. "I need to know if Dark and I will ever be together!" She pulled out a card. "Let's see: I got a Jynx. That stands for Forced Love." She pulled out another card. "A Pikachu. That means A Long Journey. And Drowsy…" She blinked. "Which means Dream. Does that mean it's going to be just a dream?" She hung her head, but then snapped her fingers. "Oh, of course! It'll be a dream come true! Hooray! Dark and I will be together at long last!" Risa clapped her hands daintily and grinned.

"I hope you know that doesn't work," said Riku, walking in after she got bored of hiding under the bed.

"Ah! Riku! Want me to do you, too?" Before her twin could protest, Risa started. "Hypno. That means something that already happened. Togepi means it happened recently. Haunter means it scared you half to death." Risa looked up at her sister. "What the heck? What happened to you?"

"_THOSE CARDS DON'T WORK! NOW GROW UP AND GET YOURSELF A REAL SET OF TAROT CARDS_!" Riku stalked off. Risa glared at her sister.

"Hey! These cards said I'd fall in love with Dark! Of course they work!"

"No offense, Risa, but no one cares about your little fantasies with Dark!" Riku shouted before stomping off. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go hit my head against the pool table until I forget everything that happened tonight."

Risa sighed. "And she thinks I'm weird."

* * *

Meanwhile, Daisuke and his mom had been busy ridding the statue of its spirit-thing. His mom and grandpa said some magic words and then some really cool special effect-y, light-show-type-stuff happened. 

"Yay! We did it!" Daisuke's mom grinned. "Whatcha think, Daisuke? Did cool-mom save the day?"

"**NO**!" Daisuke yelled. "I still don't know what's going on! And why did we wear cloaks?! And was that really all necessary?"

"No, it just looks cooler this way. Like Harry Potter!" Daisuke's mom exclaimed "But it's like I said, you only transform when you think about Risa!"

"No, I don't! And Harry Potter's cloak didn't look like a cross between Zorro and a friar! And that was completely off topic, but Mom-"

"No, I thought we already told you, we don't know. We're clueless parents are far as we're concerned." Daisuke's mom grinned.

"But then what was that guy doing there? Satoshi?" Daisuke asked. "And we should stop starting with 'no'," he added.

"Satoshi?" Daisuke's mom thought. "Satoshi… new friend of yours? Because you really aught to have other friends besides that Takeshi kid, he scares me…"

"That's beside the point!" Daisuke sighed. "Forget it. I'm going to bed. Wake me up when you've decided you want to act like a normal mom. Come on, Wiz."

"Oh, and honey! Let's go to a furniture store and furnish your room at some point! Your room is so boring!"

"Whatever, mom…" Daisuke grumbled and went upstairs, Wiz trailing after him like a walking mop.

* * *

"Yes, I have the news!" Takeshi shouted as the class surrounded him. "The news about Dark! The footage is, uh, being sold currently… so I, um, couldn't bring it. But, I do know what happened!"

"Ooh, do tell, Takeshi! I wanna know everything!" Risa exclaimed. Lots of other girls joined her.

"Well," said Takeshi, happy to see he had a lot of attention, "Dark went into the museum last night and stole a statue of a head. And he knew my name, can you believe it? Anyway – Oh, where's Satoshi? He has to hear this!"

"Satoshi stayed home. His poor mind could not take the stress of school today," said one of Satoshi's many female lackeys.

"Oh. I'll just have to tell him later," Takeshi said, attempting to shrug it off but still looking slightly miffed. "But like I said, he got the statue and then he flew off! And you know what else? I heard he caused two car accidents!"

"Wow!"

"Takeshi, you're so cool!"

_You're slowly losing your friend to popularity_, said Dark, watching Takeshi beam at all the attention he was getting. _Hey, wait- I didn't cause any car accidents! That guy is using me to become popular! I feel so special right now… and yet, so used._

"Yeah! The people in the car accidents said that right before they hit something, they saw something creepy and dark against the sky!" Takeshi exclaimed. Risa stomped up to him angrily.

"Dark would never, ever do something like that!" Risa yelled at him.

"What makes you say that?" Takeshi growled.

"Dark is good, at heart! He may steal things, but I bet he has a good reason for it!"

_No way, man. I'm bad. Bad to the bone._

"Uh, I'm not so sure about that, Risa," Daisuke said cautiously.

"Hmph! Fine! ...Uncool!" Risa walked off in a huff.

"You lost her, man," Takeshi said, approaching and clapping him on the shoulder. "You just don't have a way with the ladies."

Daisuke nudged Takeshi's hand off his shoulder. "Aw, neither do you. Your five minutes of fame are over. Now we're just, like, normal again."

"Sad." Takeshi shrugged. "Oh, well. Back to worshipping Satoshi."


	5. Cooking Class Drop Outs

"Mom, I'm home," said Daisuke, coming in the door. "And once again, need I remind you that Wiz cannot follow me to school! I had to send him home and fight the big puppy eye-look!"

"Oops, sorry sweetie-nugget!" Daisuke's mom cooed.

_'Does she always call you stuff like that?'_

_'Um… perhaps'_, thought Daisuke, who really didn't feel like dealing with his new friend who was inside his head. Dark had been bothering him all day. '_Why do you sharpen that every five minutes?'_ and '_Your school uniform makes you look really not masculine'_ and _'Why are you learning this? This is so unimportant, I mean, who in the heck cares who Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower was?'_

"Dark is being annoying, Mom. Tell him to go away," Daisuke growled once when Dark was talking about how awful it is to get in an argument with a parakeet.

"Aw, I can't do that sweetie! Besides, you have another mission tonight!" Daisuke's mom replied, giving his grandpa a cup of blended Nutri-Gran bars.

"Ugh… you mention it NOW," grumbled Daisuke, as Dark had gone into another round of 'I feel woozy'. "Dark kind of got sick."

"Sick? How is that even possible?"

"Uh… gosh… no idea," said Daisuke conspicuously. Fortunately, his mom isn't one to put two and two together, so she just took it all into stride.

"Poor Darky! Well, you'll just have to go in his place, because I already sent out the notice!" his mom said gleefully.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, you can do it, Daisuke! Mommy's trained you! You could do it in your sleep!" Daisuke's mom patted Daisuke on the back so hard he fell over.

_Ring, ring, ring!_ The telephone rang.

"**SOMEONE ANSWER IT, I'M ASLEEP!**"

"Oh, answer the phone once in a blue moon, Gran-dude!" Daisuke's mom shouted. But she kindly picked it up anyway. "Hello?... Daisuke? Yes, he's right here! Of course you can talk to him! Who doesn't want to talk to Daisuke? Here you are sweetie!" Daisuke's mom handed over the phone.

"Hello?" Daisuke asked nervously. He knew it wasn't Takeshi; otherwise, his mom wouldn't have been so cheery when she gave the phone to him.

"Hi, Daisuke! This is Risa!" a too-high voice greeted him.

"Risa? Why are you calling?" Daisuke asked as his mom somehow managed to slip a black turtleneck over his head (I wonder how he gets on shirts, with hair so spiky and large!).

"Well, your mom was the one who tells everyone that Dark is coming! I figured you must know something too!" Risa answered. "I was wondering if we could go to the clock tower tonight and watch for him!"

"Clock tower? I mean, uh, yeah, the clock tower. Sure, I'll be there," Daisuke mumbled. "Listen, I'll just meet you there, okay? My mom's trying to dress me as I'm talking on the phone and it's kind of hard not to trip…"

There was silence on the other line.

"Risa? Are you still there?"

"… Uh, yeah. Sorry about that. I have to go… make sure my sister… isn't on fire…"

Daisuke could here someone on the other, possibly Risa's mother, talking about regrets and how she wished Risa would find a real boyfriend, then something about giving her a college fund so they could move some place warm year round. After a few minutes of Risa and her arguing about how good boys were hard to find these days, Risa finally came back on for about two seconds.

"Yeah, well bye!"

Booooooooooooooop.

"Darn, I said something incredibly stupid!" Daisuke whined.

_'Your incommodious friend is right. You don't have a way with the ladies.'_

"Yes, you did, honey. But now you're ready to go!" Daisuke's mom beamed at her handiwork, which was Daisuke in an over-sized outfit.

"Uh… Mom? Why's it so big?" Daisuke asked, staring at his shirt sleeves that were so long they went passed his knees.

"Because Dark has to wear it!"

"I thought I was going to."

_'Daisuke… Daisuke, what's that noise? It sounds like fireworks going off two inches above my head... **MAKE IT STOP**!'_

"Dark's still sick," Daisuke reminded her.

"Well, he has to fly there first," his mom reminded him. "Have fun, sweetie! Don't embarrass yourself on national TV!"

"… Yeah, I'll try not to."

* * *

Dark restlessly flew to clock tower. 

_'Land in those bushes, but don't let Risa see you! You'll never hear the end of it.'_

"Yeah, yeah, Mr. Complain-y Pants," Dark grumbled.

_'Geez, that comeback was terrible. You really are sick.'_

Dark changed back into Daisuke. Daisuke ran over to Risa.

"Daisuke! You're here! Hooray!" Risa clapped her hands, bouncing around in little girlish circles. "Isn't this going to be fun? When do you think he'll be here? I'm so excited! Mega squeal!"

"Um… yeah," Daisuke said. "Yeah, he'll be here." Daisuke looked at his Digimon watch (isn't he cool?). It was almost ten. "Yeah, I have to go… make sure the thing… isn't on fire... yeah, okay bye!" He raced off up the clock tower before Risa could question him about what he was doing and why he used the same awful excuse as her.

* * *

"Okay, if I were a statue of a bird, where would I hide?" Daisuke asked himself. 

_'That's a dumb question.'_

"I know, what I meant was-"

_'Bird statues can't hide, inconvenient-face.'_

"I meant it hypothetically," Daisuke growled. "And inconvenient-face isn't an insult."

_'If it was, you'd be one.'_

"Ah-ha! There's the statue!"

Suddenly, Daisuke heard foot steps.

Some very cool footsteps.

"Oh, this is bad! Satoshi's here again!" Daisuke whispered to himself. Or Dark. Having Dark meant he wouldn't have to talk to himself anymore. Which made him look crazy. Anyway…

"Dark! Let's go!"

Dark transformed and away they zoomed. Oh noes! They forgot about Risa! Oh well, poor girl can stand under the streetlight all night for all they care…

* * *

"Wake up!" Riku shouted in her sister's ear. "Today is cooking day and that means get up bright n' early to get your supplies!" 

Risa turned over and mumbled, "Outta my room, you… inconvenient face."

Riku rolled her eyes. "Nice insult. Now get up and greet the day, sunshine!" Riku put on one of her fake grins and went back to her room.

Risa hardly looked like a sunshine. She had stood outside for a long time waiting for Daisuke or Dark to appear, but to her disappointment, neither did. She finally went home at three in the morning and fell asleep on her head funny so now her hair looked like a cotton ball. The bags under her bloodshot eyes had bags. Drool had dried on her face and stuck to her pillow so she had to yank the pillow off her face.

"Ow," she grumbled.

Riku, on the other hand, had looked forward to this day since she had heard about it (besides the fact that she found out yesterday). She'd gotten up two hours after her sister had gotten home to watch the sun rise on the beautiful day. She loved cooking. It meant no math and no math meant no math homework, which meant more time for soccer and video games.

Risa hated cooking. She was so bad at it and anyone who was bad at cooking had to stay after class to help their hardcore cooking teacher, Mr. Intense, chop cabbages. The two worst people were always chosen and Riku hated spending her evening cutting up watery vegetables. Then again, who would enjoy that?

* * *

"Mom, Risa's gonna kill me," Daisuke managed to say through a mouthful of Count Chocula. "I left her out there last night. She'll never forgive me." 

"Oh, don't worry your little head, Daisuke!" Daisuke's mom said, giving him a hug. "Now remember, I need you home again tonight!"

"Again? Mom, when do I sleep?" Daisuke demanded.

"**SWALLOW FIRST**!"

"Yes, Grandpa!" Daisuke said quickly, swallowing too fast and choking for seven minutes.

"Oh, don't worry honey-muffin! The beginnings always the hardest! We're just getting you warmed up! You'll get used to it, okay darling-face?" his mom said after Wiz had given Daisuke the Heimlich maneuver.

Daisuke sighed. "If you say so, mom."

When he left for school, his bag seemed unusually heavier. Oh well. He had somehow managed to do all his homework and get the bird statue. He was pretty pleased with himself. He actually learned later that the bird statue was the thing causing all the accidents, because some goofball was throwing it at cars. Then he put it back when he was done… what a weird thief.

When Daisuke got to school, he put down his backpack on his desk. He heard a small noise coming from it. Daisuke nervously opened it.

Wiz was sitting inside, eating a Poptart. Daisuke's eyes grew to the size of CD's.

"Wiz?! What are you doing here?!" he half-shouted, glaring at the white creature. "I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna-"

"Daisuke? Why are you talking to your backpack?"

Daisuke sweat dropped and turned around slowly. Takeshi was staring at him, looking weirded out and holding an apron and a bowl.

"Um… just because… I love this backpack!" Daisuke said, giving it a hug; Wiz made a strangled squeak from within. "I've loved you for a year and I just wanted to express this to you, old buddy! You're the greatest!"

Takeshi raised an eyebrow. "Uh, yeah. And you think I'm weird for worshipping Satoshi. Got your cooking stuff?"

"Right here," Daisuke said, taking out his apron and whisk.

"Dude. Your apron's pink," Takeshi said.

"It's my mom's apron," Daisuke said, then regretted telling the truth.

"Really? Can I touch it? Actually, can I keep it? By the way, when can I go back to your house-"

"My mom isn't going to lift the restraining order."

"Darn..." Takeshi sighed. "Well, class is starting soon, so I guess I'll go sulk off in a corner for the time we have left..."

After Takeshi went off to find the most depressing corner in the room, Daisuke gave Wiz a lollipop to keep him silent during history.

"Just be sure not to crunch it," he whispered, still annoyed. "Or it'll be really loud and people could find you. Got it, you red-eyed hairball?"

"Kyu!" said Wiz, licking Daisuke on the nose. Daisuke jabbed a finger at the fluffy creature.

"Don't act so cute. If you think I'm gonna forget about today, oh boy, are you wrong. You have it coming to you after school." Throwing Wiz one last angry look of death, Daisuke closed his backpack as his teacher came in.

"Good morning class," said the teacher. "Today we are going to watch a movie on Australian dictators. Please take out your notebook and-"

CRUNCH!!

It was going to be a long day…

* * *

Time flew by and eventually came cooking class. Daisuke had somehow managed to keep Wiz a secret the whole day until now. As everyone got their cooking stuff ready, in came their ripped and muscular teacher, Mr. Intense. 

"ALRIGHT, LOSERS!" he shouted. "Get ready for the most intense cooking lesson OF YOUR LIVES!"

"Yes, sir!" said the class, standing at attention. Like he'd taught them to.

"Today, we're making a simple meatloaf. DON'T BURN IT!"

The class began to work. Most of them had made meatloaf before. Suddenly, a smoky smell began to fill the classroom.

"Um, Mr. Intense!" Risa was shouting. The smell was coming from her meatloaf. "Mr. Intense, I need some help!"

Mr. Intense walked up to her. "What seems to be the problem, little lady?"

"Well, sir, my meatloaf is burning."

Mr. Intense stared at it. "Risa, how did you do this?"

"I've never made meatloaf and-"

"Your meatloaf is not even IN THE OVEN!"

Risa blinked. "Um, I don't know, sir-"

"You're staying after school to cut cabbages!" he yelled, then walked away.

"CRUD!" Risa screamed, clawing at her hair. "Why does everything I touch BURN?!" (Fairly Oddparents, ha, ha)

Some people took a large step in the opposite direction of her.

Unfortunately, Daisuke had burned his meatloaf too (in the oven this time). He had to stay after with none other than Risa! How awkward! He doesn't even know she forgot what happened yesterday...

"This is a problem," Daisuke said to Dark and himself in the bathroom. Alone. What a weirdo. "I have to get home! What should I do?"

An idea dawned on him.

"Wiz…" Daisuke grabbed the bunny-thing. "You can transform! Look like me!"

Wiz obeyed.

_'Daisuke, this stupid sickness you put on me makes it look like there's two of you..."_

He ignored Dark. "Okay, now, you're going to stay with my friend Risa," Daisuke said. "Don't say anything. Just know these: Daisuke, yes, no. Okay?"

Wiz nodded. "Daisuke, yes, no!" he said.

"Good. Go for it!" Daisuke raced off home.

Unfortunately, he missed an insidious grin from Wiz.

Little did Daisuke know he had made a huge mistake. Wiz knew more than just Daisuke, yes and no. He knew several words; in fact, several sentences. There was a lot that could be learned from his strange family.

But he didn't exactly know what he was saying. But he planned to see what affects they would have.

* * *

"Riku! You gotta go in my place! I'm busy after school!" Risa shouted. 

"So am I!"

"Do it! Here's a wig! Go for it! I'll give you thirty bucks!"

"Thirty bucks? Deal!" Risa ran into the school to serve her sister's punishment.


	6. Drama in Detention!

Wiz and Riku entered the empty cooking room. Mr. Intense was waiting for them with a bag of raw cabbages and sharp knives.

"Don't throw them," he instructed. "Or cut yourselves. The nurse went home and besides, Band-Aids are for wussies!"

_'Or people with blood'_, Riku thought to herself; she had always thought of Mr. Intense as a vampire. She was starting to wonder if thirty bucks was worth this. _'I'm beginning to wonder if thirty bucks was worth this'_. That was specific.

Mr. Intense left, locking the door ("There are no escapees in _**my**_ cooking room!"), to go photocopy several pages from a cookbook, leaving Wiz and Riku alone.

The first few moments were quiet. Riku didn't much care for Daisuke, and she knew acting like her sister wouldn't be a problem. She wasn't sure that Risa even knew who Daisuke was; she already had seemed to have forgotten about him from last night. But she felt she needed to say something; the silence was getting to her.

"So… uh…" Riku said nervously. "Cooking's kind of hard, huh?"

Wiz turned to her and grinned. "Oh, don't worry honey-muffin! The beginning's always the hardest!"

Riku flinched, surprised at his answer. "Excuse me?!"

"We're just getting you warmed up! You'll get used to it, okay, darling-face?"

Riku dropped her knife, which stuck itself into the leg of her stool. _'Why is Daisuke acting so funny? Is he trying to flirt with me? If so, he's really, really bad at it.'_ Riku decided she would ignore this; from what she heard, Daisuke always acted strangely.

"Creep," she growled, trying to sound like Risa. Daisuke just gave her another large grin and answered cheerily, still smiling, "Darn, I said something incredibly stupid!" He tonked himself on the head with his fist and went back to chopping his cabbage.

_'Jeez… this is so worth twenty more bucks than what I'm getting paid'_, Riku thought again, a vein popping out in her forehead as she chopped up her cabbage as fast as she could. She probably would have gotten sliced, but she was already pretty good at cooking; she hoped this didn't look suspicious to Daisuke. 'Daisuke', on the other hand, was chopping his cabbage slower than molasses, but still had managed to cut himself seven times. His eyes were welling up with tears and his hands were bleeding a little bit (I wouldn't hurt Wiz that bad, even in a story!). He didn't know what to say to Riku, so he just shoved his hands in her face.

"You cut your hands, I can see that. Get them out of my way," Riku growled, pushing him backwards.

"ZOMG, what the heck am I gonna do?!" Wiz shouted to his hands, then licked the cuts gingerly. Mr. Intents came back in with his big stack of papers.

"Daisuke, I know you're not an ace when it comes to cooking, BUT AT LEAST CUT MORE THAN ONE CABBAGE!" Mr. Intents yelled. "And next time, do it without lacerating your hands!"

Wiz glanced at his hands sadly before watching Mr. Intents eat his cabbage.

"No-ee!" he shouted before Mr. Intents ate it, but it was too late.

"**What** is the **problem**?" Mr. Intents shouted at poor Wiz, who didn't understand.

But Wiz shouted back, "YOU ATE IT?! HOW COULD YOU?! That took me seventeen hours!" Wiz broke down on his cutting board, sobbing uncontrollably.

_'Whoa… he's a really sensitive guy…who over exaggerates'_, Riku thought to herself. Her nineteen cabbages were perfectly done, but she felt she couldn't just leave Daisuke there when he was having an episode in front of the meanest and most strict teacher in the school.

_'This could mean my sister's reputation is going in the toilet, but…'_ Riku swallowed and put her arm around Wiz. _'At least it doesn't look like I'm doing this. Heaven forbid.'_

"It's okay, Daisuke," she said, trying to calm him. "It's just a cabbage." She hated to, but pity made her say, "I'll even help you, if you want."

Wiz looked up at her with sweet, shiny eyes, and said, "If you weren't so adorable, I would have eaten you years ago!"

"**_That's it_**!" Riku grabbed her bag and quickly walked out the door. _'What nerve! I am SO not associating with that guy anymore. Who wears Digimon watches now anyway? Everyone knows the cool new thing is Yu-Gi-Oh!.'_

Wiz grinned, wondering what happened. Mr. Intents sighed.

"Daisuke, your incommodious friend is right. You really don't have a way with the ladies."

"How does THAT work out?" Wiz asked plainly. Then he ran away before Mr. Intents could stop him.

* * *

"Let me get this straight," said Daisuke, trying to keep an inside voice. "You told me to go get the special painting. We're clear on that part, right?" 

"All the other thirty-six times we've gone through it, yep," Daisuke's mom said, sipping some hot cocoa calmly.

"But then when I get there, it's gone."

"Yes, indeed."

"Because Grandpa already had it."

"Um… yes…"

"For fifty-nine years."

"... Heh, heh?"

"So your only son almost risked his butt again, dodging police and sudden death and that's it? No big deal?" Daisuke asked, throwing out his arms.

Daisuke mom put down her mug and grinned sheepishly. "You're trying to tell me that I'm spacey, aren't you?"

"I'm trying to tell you that you're a terrible mother!"

"He's right, you know."

"No one asked you, Gran-dude!" His mom turned to Daisuke. "I'm sorry, sweetums! If it makes you feel any better, you only have to go steal art once a week now! Okay, honey-nose?"

"Mom, don't ever call me that again. That and all your other little pet names for me."

"But is it okay?"

"Well… less time stealing art… sure." Daisuke suddenly remembered. "Oh my gosh! You guys haven't seen Wiz, have you?"

"Not all night. How'd you get over there anyway, if you couldn't fly?" Daisuke's mom inquired.

Daisuke rubbed his arms restlessly. "Let's just say it involved a lot of flapping."

_'Weakling. My arms don't hurt a bit. I've got biceps and triceps of steal!'_

Wiz walked in the door. He had cuts all over his paws, but otherwise he was grinning like a clown. A happy clown. Not an evil clown that kills people in their sleep.

"Wiz! You're back! How'd it go?!"

"Daisuke! Never use Wiz to do your dirty work!" His mom shouted, waggling a scolding finger at him.

"Compared to what you have me do, this was simple…" Daisuke turned back to his fluffy rabbit critter. "So?"

"Daisuke, yes, no!" Wiz said.

"'Atta boy! Have some Bugs n' Stuff!" Daisuke poured him a huge bowl, completely unaware of the scene that had happened while he was fighting crime.

* * *

"Dad? I can't go mini golfing, I have to-… Dad… Dad, just listen to me for a sec-… You're not making this eas-... I CAN'T GO MINI GOLFING, GOODBYE!" 

Satoshi slammed the phone down as hard as he could. Only problem was it was a cell phone, so it broke in half.

"Man… I need a phone with a receiver," Satoshi growled. "All the cool people in movies can slam down their phones without them breaking."

Satoshi traveled around his giant mansion home. It wasn't long before he realized he was lost. Oh, wait. There was his room. And there was his quote-a-day calendar. "If you live in a glass house, you must be very rich or very stupid." –Some Guy Named Joe. Then there was his schedule.

"Hmm… I wonder when Dark is going to come next…" Satoshi asked, flipping through the book. "I should find out ASAP." Satoshi looked around. "And I should really take care of that talking to myself problem."

Then he went back to exploring his maze of a house, because cool people never go to sleep in animes.

* * *

"So, how'd it go?" asked Risa later that night, brushing her hair.

"… weird. Really weird."

"Oh, you know Mr. Intense… He's always up in your face," Risa said. "I got to see Dark on TV! It was great! Thank you, sissy-poo!" She gave her a big hug.

"Cut out that sissy-poo crud. I want my cash. Now," said Riku, holding out her hand.

Risa grinned sheepishly. "I was half-hoping you'd forget."

"Yeah, right. A deal's a deal and after that, I hope thirty bucks is worth it."

Risa shuffled her deck of Pokemon cards after handing her the dough. "My cards said you had an awkward experience tonight."

"THEY DON'T WORK, RISA!"

Risa snorted. "Fine. But they've always worked for me."


	7. Plots a Plenty

Daisuke woke up feeling happy. Last night, he had actually gotten a full night's sleep. He felt well-rested and pleased. Ever since his mom had only made him stealing paintings once a week, his life had turned to almost normality.

Almost.

After all, the hype about Dark had yet to seize. Because the police still hadn't been able to get any descent footage of Dark yet, reporters were scrambling to do so. And because reporters were scrambling to do so, Takeshi's dad, who is a policeman/reporter, etcetera, was able to do so too. And because Takeshi's dad was able to do so too, Takeshi knew some stuff. And naturally, he told everyone, being it the only moment he was in the spotlight.

"Dark's coming out less and less," Takeshi explained, standing on a desktop as his fellow classmates and random people from the hall gathered 'round. "I think the police and reporters are making him nervous. He feels he's really going to get caught this time!"

"No way! Dark is amazing!" came an angered cry from Risa. A mob of many fan girls protested with her.

"Hey, calm down ladies," said Takeshi. "Seriously, what other explanation do you have?"

_'How about the fact that he needs to go to beddy on time?'_

_'Shut up, Dark.'_

"Yeah, thought so," Takeshi replied in a mocking voice. "There's a new story about the next piece of art he wants, too. He wants it to do his evil bidding."

_'Why does this kid know more about what I'm going to steal than me? I thought he was stupid.'_

"How can art do an evil bidding?" asked an older boy. Daisuke noticed Satoshi was behind him, looking as though he had spent the night wandering around in a dark mansion.

"This art is possessed!" Takeshi said with a grin. "See, I know this, because it takes girls. And it took this whiny little brat on my block and let me tell you, it was great!" Takeshi coughed as silence reigned in the room. "But, uh, seriously, it's no good… Yeah, it usually only takes girls that are really little. I hear it looks like a unicorn. Draws it in- all little girls like unicorns, ya know?"

"I like wrestling!" said a girl with a rather deep voice.

"Thank you, Berneatha," Takeshi answered sarcastically. "Anyway, so the little girls go up to pet them, next thing you know they're on its back and boom, it flies away!"

"Oh my gosh!"

"How terrible!"

"What if it takes my little sister?"

"Maybe it'll capture that little brat who stole my bike!"

_'A unicorn that takes away little girls?'_ Daisuke thought.

_'No, Daisuke, NO, I went to go steal art three days ago, I'm not supposed to have to for another four!'_

_'Oh, come on, Dark. This is a really bad one. And you know that I as well as you don't want to do it either, but it's a big deal!'_

_'…Okay, okay. We'll go check it out tonight.'_

* * *

"So, dude, what do you think about Dark?" Takeshi asked as they walked home from school. Daisuke drained his Sunny D and sighed. 

"You ask me this everyday. I don't think anything about Dark. He's just a guy they can make into key chains and t-shirts and dolls and attracts weird tourists. Frankly, I think he's a hoax so we can get more people to come to our low-populated town."

"Well… I dunno, man. It does seem like your mom knows quite a bit. Speaking of which, how is she?" Takeshi asked, suddenly seeming very eager.

"Dude, she still hates you."

"I didn't win her over with the Mariachi band?"

"No."

"How about the-?"

"No, just stop it. Seriously, my mom's about to call in the Nat-"

"**DAISUKE**!"

Daisuke turned around quickly. Risa was peddling her bicycle like a mad person in order to catch up to him, Ms. Gulch's Wizard of Oz music playing maniacally in the background. "Daisuke, I need to talk to you about yesterday!"

"Oh man…" Daisuke wondered what Wiz had done wrong. "Could you just keep walking, Takeshi?"

"No, I wanna see this," Takeshi said, smiling obnoxiously.

"You can go to my house and see my mom."

"Later, dude." Takeshi raced off to Daisuke's house, a grin plastered on his inconvenient- sorry, incommodious face.

Riku hopped off her bike, letting it fall to the ground, and poked Daisuke in the nose. "You, Mister, have a LOT of explaining to do about yesterday's cabbage fest."

"Last night? Uh, yes, I can explain… by any chance could you give me an adaptation of last night?"

Riku growled. "Last night, you tried to flirt with me."

Daisuke gulped. "I did?"

"Terribly, might I add. You also insulted Mr. Intense."

"I _did_?!"

"And you never finished your cabbages."

Daisuke shook his head. "Sorry… I'm on a new… allergy medication and whatnot. So are we cool?" He blinked. "Hey, wait a minute! Risa was there, not you!"

She threw his backpack on the ground and ran over her bike with it. "I was filling in for her. But if you ever DARE call me honey-muffin again, I'll smack you silly!"

Daisuke stood there confused with his tire-tracked backpack.

* * *

"Honey, put him down! Now, I know he caused some trouble, but-" 

"Some trouble? _Some_ trouble? He totally embarrassed me! I have tire tracks on my backpack! I girl threatened to slap me! All because of him, so now he's gonna be the one taking the blame for it!"

"But chocolate-ears-"

"And no offense, but your terms of endearment are really stupid!" Daisuke shouted. "If you need me, I'll be giving away this _rodent_ to the first person who pays over two dollars."

SLAM, said the door.

"That happened to me with Wiz. Twice, in fact. Once, I put him in the washing machine on high." Grandpa nodded in remembrance.

"Oh my gosh! What happened?" Daisuke's mom shrieked.

Gran-dude took a sip of his tea. "Wiz was alright, harm-wise… I just learned never to wash him with my red clothes."

"Let me guess: he turned pink?" Daisuke mom guessed.

"No, Daisuke's mom, all my pink shirts turned white! That little guy's got strong bleach in his fur! Now get me more tea before I fall asleep again!" he commanded.

* * *

"This thing," Daisuke said to himself through gritted teeth, clutching Wiz by the scruff of his neck, "is never entering my house again! He causes way to much trouble! Hey, lady, want a rabbit thing for three bucks?" The woman chuckled, ruffled Daisuke's hair and walked off. 

"I hate it when they do that," said Daisuke, fixing his hair back into it's usually spiky appearance.

He passed by the pet store. _'Perfect place for this little hairball!'_

"Yo, pet store owner guy," said Daisuke, ringing a bell on the counter. A woman came up. She looked excruciatingly bored and tired.

"What?" she asked, leaning on the counter with one elbow. "Make it quick, I've got a chinchilla back there in labor."

"Well, uh…" Daisuke said, ignoring the comment. "See, I've got this little guy. Isn't he cute, see?" Daisuke, said holding him up.

The girl looked at him. "He pregnant too?"

Daisuke blinked (again). "No, it's… a he…"

"I'm being sarcastic."

"Oh, uh… anyway, can I leave him here? No charge?" Daisuke asked, putting on his cute eyes that often won over teachers.

The girl sighed. "Well, whatever… we're a little short on room… now that we've got a lot of baby chinchillas, anyway…" She clicked on a ballpoint pencil. "So, what kind of animal is it?"

Daisuke sweat dropped. "Well, I'm not really sure…"

The girl glanced at him, annoyed. "You don't know? It's clearly a rabbit."

"Right… sure, I'll take that."

"And its male… is he spayed?"

"Uh…"

"Lemme just take a guess: you don't know."

"… No."

"Kid, you're not really helping me out here. I'm afraid I can't accept this guy, then. Now vamoose, I've got stuff to do. Like find out what the heck a chinchilla is."

Daisuke sighed. "That's it; I'm on the end of my rope here. You can stay with these guys; I'll just stuff you in there." Daisuke showed Wiz a cage full of rabbits. "Hey, Wiz, meet your new roomies."

"Oh my gosh!"

"The rope is snapping!"

"Get out of the way!"

"We're so fired!"

"Look, a penny!"

"Lars!"

"Sorry..."

Daisuke raced outside with a bunch of other confused pedestrians. A few workers were attempting to hoist up a piano, but the rope was snapping (hence what they said) and it was about to crash to the ground. A girl was standing underneath it, completely oblivious to what they were saying.

"Shoot, I think that girls deaf!" Daisuke shouted and knocked her out of the way milliseconds before the piano crashed onto her poor girly head.

"Um… you okay?" Daisuke said, trying to signal to her.

"Eh? Can't here ya," the girl said, than took out some headphones. Yeah… iPod's rule the world. I don't have one; I am immune to its musical powers.

"This boy just saved your life!"

"Smile and say cheese!"

"Front page on the Daisuke's Home Town Inquirer!"

"Wait… what?" Daisuke said. The camera flashes were making him dizzy.

And so the front page displayed something besides Dark for once.

Um... hoorah?


	8. Chapter Eight: Krad Returns

So Daisuke's life of publicity began.

Well, I wouldn't call it a new life. Hardly. Becoming Dark was a new life. This was kind of just like becoming popular for a day. New record! Click glasses!

But even in all of it, Daisuke didn't lose his head and, to his dismay, Dark was not forgotten. Apparently, the mysterious unicorn was still doing its rounds at night, taking girls away from their families. Where could it find a big enough place to house girls in their jammies? That was the question Daisuke had been asking himself. Certainly it wasn't killing them (this is a K+ rated fic!), but it was rapidly becoming a bigger problem. Takeshi, however, was hoping it would take Wendy.

"Daisuke…? Daisuke, are you awake?"

"Huh?" Daisuke had been thinking deeply, which required all of his concentration. Hey, thinking deeply takes practice.

"Yo, dude, the great Satoshi is trying to get your attention. Be more grateful," Takeshi scolded, yanking Daisuke out of his chair. Daisuke stumbled forward towards Satoshi.

"Greetings, Daisuke," said Satoshi. "Should we… how you say… talk in private?"

"Uh, okay," said Daisuke, somehow not liking where this was going. He felt awkward, having not conversed with Satoshi since chapter two.

"I've asked your rather vexatious chum all he knows about Dark," Satoshi explained, "but to my dismay, I have found out almost nothing of interest and all of it I knew already. But tell me... what do you know?"

"Everyone always asks me about Dark," Daisuke stated, wondering if he was being conspicuous lately. Or maybe his mom was shouting a little too much out the window again. "I don't know anything, though. Seriously, I wouldn't know anything, even if he were right inside my head."

"Interesting wording," Satoshi said in a very Snape-like voice. "I must be off. Ciao, Daisuke and Harold."

"WHY?! Why couldn't you name me Harold, mom?!" asked Takeshi, crying to the heavens on his knees.

_'I'm suspicious of that Satoshi guy'_, Dark thought allowed. Dark is his thoughts though! Confusing…

Daisuke sighed. _'No, I've been too conspicuous.'_

_'He's prying. I don't like him, Mr. Too Good for Natural Hair Colors.'_

_'You wanna know what the difference between you and me is?'_

_'You're short and I'm tall?'_

_'No!'_ Daisuke growled. _'You're too egotistical and it gets you into trouble. Which means I get in trouble, too, sometimes.'_

_'Name one time, I dare you!'_

_'Oh, how about when I poisoned you and when you almost got caught trying to look cool for the camera people?'_

Dark shut up after that and didn't speak for the rest of the day, to not Daisuke's dismay.

* * *

"Riku… hey, Riku… POKE!" 

"AAHH!" Riku woke up and bonked her head on the bunk bed the twins shared.

"Geez, sis!" she growled. "What was that all about? And what time is it?"

"Late at night, but you have to see this! Come to the window, hurry!" said Risa, beckoning her sister. Riku raced up behind her.

"What is that thing?" she asked in awe.

Outside was a glowing creature with four legs and a longish neck. It was just walking around the block like it owned the place, making small, sweet noises and swishing its long mane.

"No duh, sis, it's the unicorn! Didn't you ever watch _Mi Pequeño Pinto_?" asked Risa. Riku shook her head. "Man! Deprived of a childhood much?" Risa started shaking her head side to side slowly. "It's so... _p r e t t y_…"

"Risa…?"

"_M u s t g o p e t t h e p r e t t y_…"

"Risa… **Risa**…! _**Risa**_!" Riku shouted. She tried to grab her sister, but her sister just pulled her with her. "What are you doing, you moron?! **Stop**!"

Riku pulled on her giant hoody over her pajamas.

"Hmm… I've gotta get help… but from who?" she asked herself, hopping on her bike and peddling away.

* * *

_Ding-dong!_ Riku rang the doorbell of Takeshi's house. Shouting came from within. 

"Someone answer the door!" It was unmistakingly Takeshi.

"Why can't you ever get it?" A child's voice shouted back.

"I'm supposed to be asleep!"

"So am I! Especially me!"

"Well, get it anyway!"

"Fine, stinky head!"

A young girl answered the door and stared up at Riku.

"Who're you?" she asked, in her pajamas with a squirt gun in her hand.

"Uh, yeah," said Riku, eying the squirt gun. It was filled with an orangish liquid that was probably apple juice. "Listen, I need to talk to your older brother."

The girl took the mail out of her mailbox. "You don't want to talk to my brother."

Riku blinked, then said sternly, "Yeah I do."

"No you don't. Here, take this." The girl gave her the squirt gun she was holding.

"Um… thanks. But why?" Riku asked, turning it over in her hand.

"Duh. Don't wanna get captured by the unicorn." Then she leaned in and whispered, "Apple juice is their weakness. I took a bath in it and the unicorn passed this house."

"Oh… I see…" Riku pocketed the squirt gun, deciding she would just throw it away later. "How'd you figure that out?"

"I'm in fourth grade, I'm not dumb. I can do two backwards somersaults in a row and I know all the planets and plus, I count backwards from a hundred while hanging upside-down. Wanna see?"

"Uh, no… I'll pass," Riku said, barely paying attention to the nine-year-old. "Can I please see your brother now?"

"No."

Riku's eye twitched. "_**Why?!**_"

"He's supposed to be asleep. Goodbye." The little girl shut the door.

Riku looked at her watch. Two a.m.

_'Then why was she awake...? Why'd I even come here?! Of all places! What's wrong with me?! What could Takeshi do?!'_ Riku sped off in the opposite direction.

* * *

Satoshi was pacing back and forth in one of the many empty rooms in his large mansion. He wasn't lost tonight. Okaaay... maybe a little lost. But tonight, he was thinking of how to capture Dark once and for all.

"Hmm… I must think of a brilliant plan," Satoshi said to himself. "I've tried and tried to capture Dark and prove who his human form is! But try as I might, I can't!" Satoshi sat down in the weird chair with one wing and the other that looks like a tree branch. "I hate to say this, but… I need back-up."

_'Ask, and ye shall receive.'_

"I didn't mean you." Satoshi growled. "Ever wonder why I talk to myself all the time? Because I used to talk to you. But then I started ignoring you and my life has been better."

_'Don't be that way! Come on, you need me just as much as I need you. Whaddaya say? Can I help you?'_

Satoshi sighed. "Well, I suppose-"

_'Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Thank you! You don't know how boring it's been, just sitting in the dusty corners of your brain!'_ Ooh, brains have corners?

"Indeed," Satoshi said, grimacing. "But I only need your help a lit-"

_'You know what? I'm feeling a theme song coming on!'_

"For pity's sake, please don't sing-"

_'Nope, too late, I've already got it!_

_Satoshi and Krad are partners in crime!  
We'll defeat that weird kid and Dark any time!  
Saving paintings is what we do!  
And you can bet we're good at it, too!'_

"That was the worst song I've ever heard," Satoshi said angrily. He was covering his ears, like that would do any good. "You have to help me, because you don't even let me have a life. I only want to stop Dark so you'll stop bothering me."

_'Aww... that's really egomaniacal of you.'_

"You don't even know what that means," Satoshi argued. "I also hear that Dark's possessed a unicorn to steal young female children."

_'Why can't you just call them 'little girls' like a normal person?'_

"Silence. We have to go stop him. And get rid of him. Once and for all. Understood?"

_'Yeah, yeah, yeah… te mea, te mea.'_

"What?"

_'Don't ask…'_

And they set off out of the giant mansion… but first they had to find the door.


	9. The Secret Cove in the Lake

_'I thought the news said the last sighting of the unicorn was around here…'_

"Maybe it already left," said Dark, flying around and shrugging (which is probably rather difficult to do both).

_'Hey, it's Risa and Riku's house!'_

"How do you know that?"

_'Know what? I didn't say anything. Nothing at all.'_

"Stalker gene…" Dark said in a sing-song voice.

_'Pardon?'_

"Never mind, only the readers get it…"

* * *

Pedal noise, pedal noise, pedal noise…

Riku was desperately pedaling after the way she'd seen the unicorn, but even before she was stopped by a huge lake she'd realized she'd lost her.

"Crud. Thank goodness I didn't watch that stupid Spanish unicorn show," Riku growled through gritted teeth.

_Whoosh!_ Riku looked up.

"Hey, that looked like a giant bird!" Riku said, taking a fork out of her pocket and throwing it at the flying thing (hey, it needed some random…). The fork flew up about three feet, and then sunk into the water.

"Now what the heck am I supposed to do?" Riku shouted to no one in particular.

"Perhaps I can help."

Riku turned around to a voice.

A very cool voice.

"Hey, you're Satoshi! The really popular guy!" Riku said, getting off her bike.

"Indeed. And you are…?" Satoshi asked, pretending like he was trying to remember.

"R… Ri… Ri…" Riku paused, waiting for him to finish it for her.

"Risa?"

"Try again. That's my sister," Riku answered, annoyed under the circumstances. Her sister was captured and the most popular guy couldn't remember her name out of all the ones he could remember. Hers and Takeshi's. "My name is Riku. Like the guy from the Kingdom Hearts."

"Oh, indeed. Sorry, you're a twin, so I must have mixed you up," Satoshi replied.

Riku glared. "Nice cover up, smart one. In case you haven't noticed, my sister and I look nothing alike. Comprende?"

"What are you doing on my private beach?" Satoshi asked, changing the subject quickly. He's still three C's.

Riku was looking totally un-three C's and sweat dropped as she said, "P-P-Private Beach?! I'm trespassing?! I'm a trespassinger?!"

"I guess it's too dark to see the eighteen signs that say, 'Private Beach, Don't Enter'."

"Oh, um… Sorry," Riku muttered, embarrassed.

"It's okay. I got locked out of my house, so I'm kind of bored." Oh, two C's. He lost the cool.

"Hey, by any chance did you see that unicorn around here?" Riku asked, ignoring how strange that sounded. "I've been trying to find it for hours. It kind of took Risa… you know, the sister you actually remember the name of."

"Do I detect a hint of jealousy?"

"Do I detect a hint of wanting to be punched in the face…ness?"

"I haven't seen the unicorn anywhere," Satoshi said, deciding from now on he would keep on subject so he could get away from this creepy girl faster. "But I'm sorry it took your sister."

"Do you think it'll eat her?"

"Beg your pardon?"

"I dunno…" Risa shrugged. "Do you think you could help me get it though?"

"How?" Satoshi asked, wondering where she was going with this.

"Well, you always seemed like the kind of person who would own a boat."

"…"

* * *

"Can we puh-lease go back home now? We've been looking for hours!" Dark complained.

_'Calm down, it's probably around this lake somewhere…In a secret cove or something. They always hide girls in secret coves in movies.'_

"Well, this isn't a movie. I wanna go home."

_'Stop complaining already! Hey, what's that?'_

"I don't see anything…"

_'Oh, yes you do. That looks a lot like a secret cove to me. I find that suspicious. Let's check it out.'_

"Okay, okay…"

* * *

"Are you sure the only boat you own is an eight story yacht? And is it even legal to drive this on a lake? It's probably as big as half of it!" Riku shouted over the sound of the waves. 

"Do you want to save your sister or not?"

"Well… yeah."

"Then I suppose we'll just have to break a few laws," Satoshi said, pushing the throttle full speed ahead. If, that is, boats have throttles. It would be really fun to floor it on a yacht… anyway…

"Hey, I really have to thank you for this, BTW," said Riku. "I barely know you and you're breaking a law that could possibly fine you thousands of dollars to rescue my sister. I dig that. Maybe it would be cooler if we never forgot each other's names."

"Okay, Rita."

"It's Riku."

"Close enough."

Riku glared menacingly at the water, but did not yell at him because of his hospitality.

_'You're not just doing this for her, are you?'_ said Krad.

_'Uh… no_', Satoshi thought back.

_'You're doing this for us.'_

_'Wrong. I'm doing this for me.'_

_'I thought you said I could help!'_

Satoshi growled. _'Wanna know how you can help right now?'_

_'YEAH, so totally!'_

_'Shut up.'_

_'…You're mean.'_

_'I don't care.'_

Suddenly, Satoshi thought he saw something out at lake (I'm tempted to say out at sea). It was a dark covey shape.

_'That's suspicious… I'll bet the unicorn's there. Unicorn's always hide little girls in coves in the movies. I'd better thank that ominous girl for the help before leaving her.'_

_'You're just going to leave her here? On an illegal boat in the middle of a lake? And what movie are we talking about?' _

_'You. Get with the shutting up. And since when do you care about others?'_

"Hey, listen; I'll be right back, okay?" Satoshi said to Riku. Riku stared at him in horror.

"Where could you possibly be going when we're in the middle of a lake?" she asked loudly, throwing out her arms.

"Just… somewhere. Um, look... a rare... species of... bird," Satoshi shouted, pointing behind her.

Riku blinked. "I'm not stupid. That was, however."

"Fine, that cave might have your sister in it and I'm going to check it out."

"Wha-? **How**?!"

"… A life boat."

"So you're just leaving me on the yacht?!" Riku shouted.

"It's easy to drive a yacht! It's like… riding a bike, only with more buttons. Okay? Okay, see ya."

Satoshi jumped off into the life boat.

"I am so calling the police!" Riku yelled, pulling out her cell phone. But before she dialed, she considered the circumstances again. "… I wonder if this yacht has a pool."

* * *

Daisuke and Dark entered the cave. This was indeed where the unicorns were keeping the girls. The only girl under seven that wasn't there was Takeshi's little sister, to Daisuke's surprise. The two were also surprised to see Risa curled up in the corner gnawing on a piece of bread. It was a little too early for her to be dramatic, but hey, it's Risa, you gotta expect this. 

"Dark! You've come to save us! This is just a like a movie!" Risa mega-squealed.

_'Am I the only one who doesn't think this is like a movie?'_ Dark thought to himself.

"Dark, you have to get us out of here!" Risa said, faking desperateness. "Who knows why the unicorn brought us to this secret cove, but I sure don't want to find out!"

Cue flash of lightning! Resounding thunder! Mysterious figure!

"We meet again, Dark!" Evil laugh! "Mwa, ha, ha! But this time, the advantage is mine!"

"Ooh, Dark, is that your ARCH NEMESIS?! This reminds me of Ash and Gary! So cool!" Risa hugged Dark. "Protect me!"

Cue dramatic pause! Fade out into blackness!

**Um... to be continued?**

**And is anyone bothered by the excessive use of the italicize button? I hope not. **


	10. Moklinthorsnipperhoven

_'Dark, who is this guy?'_ Daisuke asked. In Dark's head. Is this getting confusing yet?

"Rawr! It's my evil twin, Krad!" Dark exclaimed, growling like a caged wolverine.

_'Evil twin?'_

"Evil twin?" Risa asked, a note of semi-fake panic in her voice.

"Evil twin?" said all the captured girls.

"Evil twin?" said Krad.

"I'm trying to lick my nose," said Moozo. "I mean... Evil twin?"

"Evil twin, alter ego, counterpart, second self, maniacal twofold… the list goes on and on. Evil twin just sounded cooler," Dark said with a shrug. "Okay… now I'm going to fight you to the death!"

"Right… good idea!" agreed Krad loudly.

Suddenly, all the girls jumped on Dark in defense.

"Don't die, Dark!" they all cried. "If you did, we'd have to wear black for the rest of our lives or attempt to carry on your legacy in cat burglar outfits and a pair of fake black wings strapped onto our backs like idiots! DON'T DO IT!"

"Um… are you saying I'd lose?" Dark asked, blinking in utter confusion.

The girls bounced back, their eyes wide with panic. "NEVER!" they all shrieked in unison, then began clubbing each other over the head and saying things like, "He's mine!" and "Back off!" and "Get your foot out of my mouth before I bite you!" (Wait, how can they say that with their mouth full of foot?)

And so Dark and Krad took off into the air and began fighting with their mystical, magical light powers. The girls and the unicorn had been forgotten, apparently.

* * *

So had Riku, who was sipping a beverage in half a coconut while taking a jacuzzi (in her clothes, obviously she has no swimsuit). 

"Hmm…" Riku took a sip before ringing a bell. "Come here, Jenkins! Hmm… Jenkins… that's such a stereotypical name for a butler… Jenkins. Jenkins. Jenkins. Jenkins. Jenkins. Jenkins. Rolls off the tongue! Jenkins, Jenkiny-Jenkins, yo, J to the Enkins, J-Dog, Jenkity-Jenk-Jenk, oh, you, Jenky, Jenky, Jenkins-"

"Yes, Miss Riku?" a distinguished looking butler with a curly mustache asked in a very thick English accent. He looked as though he'd been standing there for some time.

"Hey, can you put more sapodilla and rambutan in this? I just love saying those fruit names!" Riku laughed stupidly.

"Right away, Miss Riku."

"Thanks, dude." Riku lay back. "This is cool. Maybe Satoshi will never come back. Where is he, anyway? He's been gone for like…" She looked at her waterproof Yu-Gi-Oh! watch. "Three, four hours. Maybe he got lost at lake. I'm really tempted to say sea."

Suddenly, a glowing figure approached Riku from the back of the ship. It was coming closer and closer, like a lurking ghostly shadow from the depths of your nightmarish dreams. Before Riku had a heart attack, she realized it wasn't a phantom but the unicorn.

"No! You won't eat me!" Riku pulled out her gift from Takeshi's little sister. "I HAVE A SQUIRT GUN FULL OF APPLE JUICE!"

The unicorn paused to stare at her like she was a moron, then crept closer.

"Don't hurt me! Please! I'm sorry!" Riku begged, huddling near the back of the Jacuzzi in fear.

"I'm not going to hurt you," the unicorn said.

Riku blinked. "What? You can talk?" Then, even louder and surprised, "You're a DUDE?!"

"Why do unicorns always have to be girls?" the unicorn said, clearly annoyed as if he had heard this many times before.

"Sorry…?" Riku snickered. "Wow. I totally thought you were going to eat me. Why'd you take all those girls?"

"I didn't take any girls," the unicorn said. "My name Moklinthorsnipperhoven. But you can call me Moklin."

"Wow, with a name as impressive as that, 'Riku' sounds kind of lame," Riku said truthfully.

"I've come to take you to your sister and stop that evil creature that's blaming this on me. Climb on my back," the unicorn said.

"Well, okay," Riku answered, clambering onto the unicorns back and screaming loudly, leaving poor Jenkins to accept a ticket from twenty seven very cross cops.

* * *

Try saying "cross cops" five times fast! It's hard!

* * *

As Dark and Krad were having their very stupid feud about heck knows what, Riku and Moklin were flying in. 

"There's Risa!... And she's trying to hit people with a nail file…" Riku said. How typically Risa. "Hey, a light show!"

"No, its two winged people fighting," Moklin replied. He's a know-it-all unicorn.

"Winged people… hey, that must be Dark! My sister's obsessed with him. Who's the other guy?" Riku asked.

"I know not."

"Oh. Well, what are we supposed to do?"

"I will use my unicorn powers to stop them… for now," Moklin said. Manly, know-it-all unicorn, I guess. He closed his long, purple eye-lashed eyelids and started a unicorn chant.

_"Ho, oyu wot stiodi_

_Otps uroy ghiignf onw_

_Forebe oyu lilk sleyuovers_

_Chiwh luowd otn elyarl eb oto bda_

_Os notd goalyllg_

_I eahv trebret sginth ot od"_

At that moment, Dark and Light stopped, transformed into their human forms and fell slo-mo style down into the awaiting… lake. I am SO tempted to say sea!

As Moklin flew in close to the two, Riku could easily see who one of them was.

"Ohmigosh, its Satoshi!!" Riku shouted, lost her balance on the unicorn and plummeted into the not sea.

If you want to know what the unicorn chant says, try rearranging the letters in each word. It truthfully isn't very clever, though.


	11. Attempting Recovery

Daisuke was having a strange dream. His dreams were usually strange, but this one was strange in particular.

He dreamt that Risa was cooking lots and lots of food for him. She was cooking so much that their oven blew up. Then she brought him a cake and he ate the whole thing. Perhaps the strangest part of the dream was that the cake was actually edible. Risa cooking something good… only in dreams.

Daisuke awoke in a room. Everything was white. In fact, it was so white that it almost blinded him. Even Wiz, who was sitting on his feet, matched the rest of the room. Then he noticed Risa was in the room, too; he wondered why he hadn't seen her before, considering she wasn't wearing any white.

"Risa? Where are we?" he asked, sitting up. Then he realized the sides of his bed had metal poles. _'Ah. This must be a hospital.'_

"Oh! Daisuke, you're awake!" Risa shrieked, ignoring the question that Daisuke fortunately answered on his own. "I was very worried about you!"

"Yeah, yeah. Seriously, what did you want?" Daisuke asked flatly.

Risa looked slightly offended at first, but then burst into a grin. "Okay, what I really wanted to know is if you know where Dark went."

Daisuke sighed. "I don't know. Why do you care about Dark so much?"

Risa laughed. Daisuke blinked and Risa stopped. "Oh, you're serious. I'm a rabid fan girl. It's what I do. It's like my hobby." She looked at her nails. "Shoot, one's broken… I knew I shouldn't have thrown my nail file at that weird, pink-haired ninja girl."

* * *

Meanwhile, Satoshi was waking up in a room nearby. Likewise, Riku was waiting for him to get up. Satoshi was sleeping too deeply to dream; after all, he hadn't had a full night's sleep since he was like five. 

"Hey, you're finally awake," Riku said as he finally got up. "I've been waiting for several hours. And you never came back to the yacht!" she yelled, her teeth suddenly pointed like a chipmunk's.

"I'm sorry. But I found your sister and the other girls," Satoshi said groggily. "I hunger for something. Is there by any chance food?"

Riku laughed weakly. "There was, but I kind of ate it during the five hours I waited for you to wake up. Hospitals make good apple sauce."

"Ah… I see." Something dawned on him. "Ah… the unicorn; we never got rid of it."

"Oh, don't worry about that dude. The unicorn actually wasn't causing the problem," Riku said. "It was a guy unicorn and his name was Moklinthorsnipperhoven, except I called him Moklin, and he stopped this fight between-"

"By any chance did you maltreat your head?" Satoshi inquired.

Riku blinked; before Satoshi explained what he meant, she shouted, "Wait, that was a vocab word… Hang on, almost got it… HEY! I'M NOT CRAZY!" She shouted. "It all happened, I swear!" She pointed at him. "You! You had wings and were flying and everything! You were fighting Dark! It was crazy! Except… you looked different."

"I think you might have ruptured your-"

"I didn't rupture my anything!" Riku yelled, looking evil. She shook her head. "I give up. Boys are so stubborn. Especially name-forgetting, blue-haired ones!" She stuck out her tongue and walked off.

"Krad, what were thinking last night?" Satoshi growled.

_'I was thinking that I tricked you. Again.'_

"You're awful."

_'Thank you! I love you too!'_

"We'll talk about this later," Satoshi mumbled as a confused nurse stared at him, holding some sleeping pills in her hand.

"I think I'll go get some more of these…" she stammered, rushing off in a nervous streak.

* * *

The next day, Daisuke was back at school. 

_'Dark, seriously, you have to talk to me sometime! I'm still really confused about what happened.'_

_'Just don't go near Satoshi and I'll be fine.'_

_'But why?'_

_'WATCH OUT!'_

Daisuke accidentally walked into someone and papers classically flew everywhere.

_'What's wrong with you?!'_ Dark yelled in his head. _'How many times have I told you not to think and walk at the same time?!'_

"Shut up…" Daisuke said.

"Beg your pardon?" a very confused and slightly angry girl said.

Daisuke realized who he'd walked into. It was the most popular girl in school, Ayaka Hatori. Even though Daisuke usually didn't care who was popular and who wasn't, he knew who she was by a convenient button on her shirt that said, 'Hi, I'm Ayaka Hatori, the most popular girl in school'.

"Oh… sorry about that," he said, gathering up his books.

"Whatever, Weirdlo," the girl said before walking off.

Daisuke shrugged and walked on. He was only forty percent desperate for a girlfriend, but he still didn't care if his female classmates talked to him.

* * *

Satoshi was still in the hospital. After forcibly taking twelve sleeping pills and one tranquilization shot, then coming back to his senses, he realized that he probably shouldn't talk to himself. He didn't feel like taking over the recommended dose of medicine anymore. 

_'Krad, I want to talk to you now.'_

_'Have you decided to stop thinking about tap-dancing leprechauns?'_ Krad said with an obnoxiously pleased voice.

_'What are you rambling on about?'_

_'You said some strange things in your sleep. It was quite amusing.'_

Satoshi returned to the current subject. _'You acted stupid again to fool me.'_

_'Heh, heh… indeed.'_

_'Risa-'_

_'Riku.__'_

_'Ah. Touché. I mean, Riku told me that the unicorn did not capture those girls. By any chance do you know?'_

_'Yes… and I suppose now is as good a time as any to reveal my evil plan.'_

Satoshi sighed heavily. _'What is with you and evil plans? First you tricked me into selling my dog on the Black Market and now you've...?'  
_

_'Taken those girls. It was not said strange unicorn.'_

Satoshi talked allowed this time. "But… how-?"

_'I transformed into Krad while you were searching endlessly to find your way out of that mansion of yours without you noticing and taking them. Then I blamed it on a stupid unicorn I found wandering around in the Himalayas.'_

_'There's unicorns there?'_

_'They run wild.'_

_'Really, I had no idea.'_

_'Yes, beautiful white ones-'_

_'We're getting off-topic.'_

_'Yes, well, that's my evil plan.'_

"You've got to be kidding. Why this again?" Satoshi growled as he realized another nurse had entered the room.

"Okay, I think it's time for another dose," she said nervously. Satoshi sighed, ready to sleep for another fifteen hours.

* * *

"Dude! Guess what I heard!" Takeshi rushed up to Daisuke, eager to share his new bit of juicy gossip. 

"What is it?" Daisuke asked, sighing.

"That really popular girl, Akaya, has a new boyfriend!" Takeshi shouted, mega-squealing like Risa.

Daisuke narrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "And why do I care about this?"

"Because she wrote it all over her notebook, which you stole," Takeshi said, jabbing a finger at him acusingly.

"I didn't steal it. I bumped into her today and I must have grabbed hers by mistake." Daisuke shrugged.

"And since when does your notebook-" Takeshi held it up- "have flowers covering it and "I love Donis A." written all over it?"

"Donis A… I've never heard of him," Daisuke said.

"Well, he's the new kid, so for once it's not really your fault," Takeshi said. "Me, being a big gossip-lover, I know all this."

"I should really give this back. What a stupid mistake."

"How many times have I told you not to think and walk at the same time?" Takeshi shook his head. "Oh, there's Akaya. Go give it back to her."

Akaya was walking next to her new boyfriend, Donis. _'That's strange. He looks very familiar.'_

Suddenly, it dawned on Daisuke where he'd seen him before…


	12. Cuz it's a filler! Filler at night!

**This chapter is pointless... because we all know how much you love filler. Especially we Naruto/Avatar/Pokemon fans.**

"Hey, Risa, I've been wondering something," Riku asked, walking into her sister's room.

Risa turned around. "Do you finally want me to read your fortune?" she asked happily, eyes sparkling and pulling out a deck of Pokemon cards.

"Uh… no," Riku said, to Risa's dismay.

"Then what do you want?" she asked, focusing back on her nails.

"I just wanted to ask about the unicorn. Did it actually take you or was it something else?"

"Something else? What do you mean?" Risa blinked. "You know, I actually don't remember anything. But since when do I?" She laughed stupidly and Riku sweat dropped.

"Oh, forget it." She walked away disappointed. And kind of hungry. To the kitchen!

* * *

Satoshi returned home from the hospital. Unlike Daisuke, no one was there to greet him except for a letter from Jenkins taped to the door. Satoshi ripped it off and read: 

_Dear Master Satoshi,  
These last nine years have been… how you say… fun, but with that rather enormous fine on yourself for driving an unauthorized yacht in the middle of a lake, you won't be able to pay me. Your dear friend, Mistress Riku, has left twelve dollars and fifty seven cents underneath the doormat, but I believe you still owe the Shore Police six thousand nine hundred eighty eight dollars and forty three cents. Perhaps if you sold this mansion you could pay off the debt.  
-Jenkins_

"Darn it," Satoshi growled. "Now I have to live in the mansion by myself. Maybe I can find my old cat, Jingle Bells." He looked at the bottom of the letter where he hadn't seen something before:

_P.S. Don't bother looking for Jingle Bells, he ran away six years ago._

So Satoshi went off to look for a pet. Anything was better than talking to Krad.

* * *

"Mom! Mom! Mom!" Daisuke shouted, entering his house at full speed. 

"She's not here."

"Okay then… Grandpa! Grandpa! Grandpa!"

"He's not here either."

Daisuke raised an eyebrow. "Wiz?"

"Nope."

Daisuke slowly moved towards the kitchen to get some means of a weapon. "Then who am I talking to…?" He asked nervously.

"Come into the living room and you'll see."

Daisuke grabbed a cooking skillet and slowly walked into his living room.

"Hi, Daisuke!" said the voice.

"I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY! Wait…" Daisuke lowered the skillet. "Dad? What are you doing here?"

"I'm taking a vacation from work!" Then his dad lowered his head. "You didn't recognize my voice again."

"I'm sorry, Dad," Daisuke said, tossing the skillet somewhere and a random cat meowed. "Your voice sometimes sounds like a murderer to me. Not that that's a bad thing," Daisuke added as his father stared at him, looking on the verge of tears.

"Well, now that I'm here, what do you want to do?" his dad asked chipperly.

Daisuke went down his knees and clasped his hands together. "Put Grandpa in a retirement home."

"Oh, come on, Daisuke. You ask me that every time I come. What I mean is something fun for the two of us to do together," Daisuke's dad replied. "How about we see a movie or go bowling? We could bring one of your friends along, if you want."

"But I thought you hated Takeshi."

"You still don't have any new friends?" Daisuke's dad said flatly, still deeply disturbed that his friend was hitting on his wife. "Or how about an art museum? You probably don't go to art museums a lot."

Daisuke stared at him. "Are you kidding me?"

"Oh… right… You go a lot now," his dad said, feeling stupid.

"That reminds me! I need to tell you something," Daisuke remembered. "Today I saw someone at school that I recognized from a picture you showed me. Dark hasn't been talking to me because he's angry about something, but I thought maybe you could tell me. He was actually kind of weird looking, probably one of the older high school guys or something, with sort of longish, wavy hair… that was kind of creepy…" Daisuke shuddered. "Men aren't supposed to look like that."

"I guess you've never seen a soap commercial," his dad answered.

"Uh, whatever. But do you know what I'm talking about?"

"That sounds like something I tried to stop years ago, when I had to be Dark," his dad said. Daisuke sat on the floor, putting his head on his hand as he prepared himself for a boring flashback, so ready to zone out that he didn't even realize that Dark was from his Mom's side of the family (this will be explained later, don't worry!). "He's trying to disguise his name. His may call himself Donis A. But his true name is Adonis."

"Wow… how clever," said Daisuke sarcastically, picking carpet fuzzies out of his socks.

"Yes; he is back to his old ways," his father said heroically, ignoring Daisuke's tone. "What he does is gets girls to fall in love with him and then he gives them a hug that sucks their life away. I thought I completely destroyed him, but perhaps I was wrong." He blew on a random pipe and bubbles came out.

Daisuke had already managed to fall asleep, so his father whacked him upside the head with the cooking skillet. Suddenly, his mom came in with his grandpa.

"I told you not to act up in retirement homes! Then no one will accept you there!"

"I did it on purpose! Now make me some tea."

Daisuke's mom entered the room with two grocery bags, which she immediately flung aside to hug her husband. More cats meowed. "Kosuke! My hubby! Yay! You're home! I'm so happy! Hooray!" She started doing her happy dance, which was spinning around in a circle and doing the monkey at the same time.

"My name is Daiki and his name is Kosuke… did they just combine our names to get Daisuke or something?" Grandpa asked, eating the tea packet because he was too lazy to boil water. But I guess that was just a rhetorical question, because no one answered him.

"I know! Let's have a family dinner night! Let's go out for something yummy!" Daisuke's mom said, thrusting her fist into the air enthusiastically. "What's your favorite thing to eat, Kosuke? We'll go wherever you want!"

"I really like peaches. They always serve those at work." Kosuke rubbed his stomach and the rest of the family looked around.

"… How about pizza?" Daisuke offered.

"Sounds good."

"Okay.

"Kyu!"

"Wiz, you can't come."

"KYU."

"Here, why don't you go make sure the meowing cats aren't injured too badly? Maybe you'll make a friend."

Wiz sighed and wandered off.

So they went out for pizza and nothing of importance really happened… what a pointless chapter this was.


	13. Donis, Plus a Bonus Short!

**To make up for last chapter's fillerness, we've included a bonus short explaining the confusing mix-up with Daisuke's dad! Whootitude!  
**

Satoshi entered the pet store. Of people, it was completely empty, but there were lots of animals around. There were so many to choose from and Satoshi didn't know which one he wanted. A bell sat on a desk, so Satoshi pushed the little button on it to make it ring. A very annoyed-looking saleswoman walked up.

"What?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"Oh, um… I was wondering if you could help me find an animal companion that would match my lifestyle," Satoshi asked. "I don't really spend a lot of time at home and I need a pet that can mostly take care of itself."

"Want a chinchilla?" the woman asked, sounding eager and seemingly crossing her fingers under the desk.

Satoshi blinked. "I'm afraid I don't know what that is."

She sighed. "Join the club. They're adorable and furry when you first look at them, but that's just their disguise. They're really evil."

"Then why were you trying to get me to buy them?" Satoshi inquired. Chinchillas, whatever they were, sounded a lot like Krad.

"Why? Why?! Because they've been living at my house and I have to feed seven babies with an eye dropper ever half hour, that's why!" she shouted. "And every time I finish feeding the last one, I have to start over!"

Satoshi drew back. "Could you please just help me find a pet?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll help you. No one cares about the psychotic employee," she mumbled to herself, then jumped over the desk. Satoshi couldn't help but notice she had Band-aids all over her arms and legs from various animal-caused injuries. "Okay, over here we've got cats. I call this one Steve. He doesn't do anything." She picked up his head and then let go; it flopped limply onto the bottom of his cage. "Maybe he's dead... anyway, here we have dogs. You don't want a dog. Then we have guinea pigs, hamsters, gerbils, chinchillas-" – she said this in tone like she was sucking on a rather sour lemon – "- and rabbits. Any appeal to you?"

Satoshi blinked yet again, still trying to recover from the 'dead' cat. A few seconds later, he replied, "Um… but do you have anything that doesn't really, you know, do anything and is still alive?"

"How about a fish?"

"You can have a fish for a pet?"

"How about a rabbit? Here. This one looks especially stupid." The salesperson pointed to a fat white one with red eyes sitting in the back. "You can pick it up tomorrow."

"Wait!" Satoshi shouted before she wandered back to watch TV. "Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Ask someone whose job it is."

"Wait… but isn't it-?" But she had already gone into the back room.

Satoshi sighed. Why did it seem like everyone went out of their way to plot against him?

* * *

"Okay, Daisuke! Tell me: what are you going to do today?" 

"I can't believe you're making me do this. I have an exam today!"

"Oh, poo to that! You have an exam every day, my little piece of Wonder-bread!" Daisuke's mom said, ruffling his hair.

"Mom… I told you to stop it with the stupid pet names," Daisuke growled, putting his hair back into its usual spiky appearance. "How would you like it if I started calling you 'Dad'? Or 'Grandpa'?"

"Hmm… 'Grandpa'…"

"**Mom**!" Daisuke sighed. "Whatever. I'll just do what you told me. I'll follow around Donis A. and stuff."

"That's my boy! I love you!" Daisuke's mom gave him a big hug. "Give us any information you've got. Okay?"

"Right… Whatever, Mom." So Daisuke set off for school.

"Take Wiz with you! He's good at getting around in small areas." Wiz happily hopped into Daisuke's backpack, not forgetting his last adventure. Now Daisuke really did set off for school.

* * *

"Like I'm going to let you be me again. Absolutely not," Daisuke said, sighing. Wiz licked his face like a good rabbit creature, but Daisuke still ignored him. "You can help me, as long as you promise to be good. And not say anything. Because you definitely know more than 'Daisuke, yes, no'. Got it, you little weasel?" 

"Kyu," Wiz said cutely, his eyes shining like two big, red blobs of Jell-O.

"Okay. Ready to go in?" Daisuke was wearing all black, even though there was truly no need, and hid in the closet of Adonis' first class, art. He knew this because he figured out his class schedule from reading Ayaka's notebook. She had written down every one of his classes. Maybe she has the stalker gene too.

The first person to walk in was, fortunately, Adonis or Donis A. After him followed about seven laughing fan girls. Donis was laughing too, in his weird, manly way, most likely about some joke he'd just told.

Truthfully, Donis was nothing like Daisuke expected. Unlike Takeshi, he succeeded in being a lady's man. He also seemed to have an ego problem; basically, he loved himself. He flipped his long wavy hair around and it hit one of the girls in the face. She went flying out of her chair and through the door. Donis didn't seem to notice this, but if he had he probably wouldn't have cared much. He began telling another joke and the other girls listened carefully, their eyes as wide as pie pans. It wasn't long before the rather impatient Daisuke fell asleep.

He was awakened by someone poking him in the arm with a ruler and Dark shouting in his head to get the heck up. It was one of the Donis fan girls and she now had taken to beating him upside the head with some other heavy weapon that felt sort of like a nightstick. Daisuke could make out Donis and four fan girls standing next to a three-legged wooden table.

"Please - OW! – stop that," Daisuke growled, holding his head.

"Susan, desist!" Donis shouted and only then did she stop, mumbling something that sounded like, "Yes, my liege."

"Are you alright, small child?" Donis asked, staring down at Daisuke and not sounding the least bit concerned.

Daisuke growled. "What kind of question is that? I was just whacked repeatedly with a table leg by a girl I've never seen in my life! Do you _think_ I'm alright?"

"Maybe," Donis said confindently, shrugging with a large grin plastered on his gleeful face. "My name is Donis! This is a very strange way to meet, by the by, but by any chance were spying on us?"

"Yes… until I fell asleep," answered Daisuke. "I'm sor-"

"Don't be! I'm flattered! But of course, why shouldn't anyone want to spy on _me_?" Donis laughed heartily and the fan girls joined in, giggling much more stupidly, wondering if they'd just missed the joke.

"Can I talk to you alone, by any chance?" asked Daisuke through gritted teeth; Donis was one of those people who thinks the world revolves around himself. Or he could just be a soap commercial guy who thinks he's going to be really famous, but still isn't doing enough sales for L'Oreal or Dove.

"Of course, my good chap! But I'll have to fit you into my schedule sometime." To Daisuke's regret, Donis had pulled out a dictionary-thick planner (which was covered in pictures of himself) and flipped to today's date after licking his finger. "Hmm… I'm completely booked today, sorry. I've got polo practice right after school, and then I have to go home and study… tomorrow I'm booked as well, have to go bicycling and training, but the next day… oh wait, that's right, I'm teaching orphans how to read that day… and then I have cricket lessons until seven..." Donis was temporarily distracted as one of the fan girls came up to tell him how generous he was. Daisuke rolled his eyes and looked at his Digimon watch, obviously bored again. Donis began biting his nail, feigning distress. "Ah, what to do, what to do… perhaps I can pencil you in for, maybe, seven months?"

"I'll be a grandpa by then!" Daisuke shouted, who was still wondering what polo was.

"Happens to the best of us," Donis replied, shaking his head sadly.

"No! I mean- Get over here." Daisuke firmly grabbed Donis by his ruffled shirt and pulled him into a corner.

"I know what you really are," Daisuke growled. "You're an evil spirit and you're trying to hug all those girls to kill them! But you won't get away with it!"

Donis blinked, his expression blank, then he looked quite cheerful. "Ooh! I know you! You're that funny man's son! He thought I was evil too!"

"What do you mean 'thought' you were evil?" Daisuke asked, wondering if he was just trying to worm his way out of this.

"I'm not evil! Everyone just thinks I am!" Donis said, then looked rather glum. "But no one really knows what its like, being a statue and then you realize you can't hug anybody when you're a person… it's quite sad, actually." He sniffled and the fan girls raced over to adorn him with adorationizing and pity, even though they hadn't paid any attention to what had just been said.

Daisuke frowned. Not only was he too lazy to fight this guy (not that he could in front of all these people) as Dark, but there was something, somehow, about Donis that was trustworthy. Like in soap commercials, you just had to trust those people, even though they were scamming you with long-haired, middle-aged men wearing loads of make-up to make themselves look twenty years younger into buying their soap. For effect, Donis flipped his hair again, hitting another and sending one of the fan girls flying into the ceiling, where her head disappeared in the plaster. He didn't notice again, not even when the class ran over, shrieking and dialing for an ambulance on the cell phones they weren't supposed to have in class.

"Trust me! I won't hug a soul!" Donis said truthfully, holding on hand up and putting the other over the area where his heart should be. "Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye!" Daisuke sighed and decided to let him go. Dark wasn't responding anyway.

**BONUS SHORT**

"Hey, Dad," said Daisuke, walking in the door and tossing his backpack against the wall, Wiz shrieking from inside. "I was just thinking about how you could possibly be Dark; it came from my mom's side of the family." Finally, he realizes!

Daisuke's dad laughed. "Oh, son! I wasn't actually Dark; I was Inspector Darkness! I'm always getting those confused."

Daisuke sweat dropped, wondering if he should have asked. "Um… who exactly is Inspector Darkness?"

"Here, I'll show you!" His father pulled out a picture of a younger form of himself dressed up like Sherlock Holmes and wielding a magnifying glass.

"Wow. That's really stupid," Daisuke said plainly, making a mental note to burn that picture later.

"That costume made me meet your mother!"

"At a costume party, I hope?"

"No… she hit me with her truck because she thought I was a criminal," Daisuke's dad replied, half-embarrassed.

"Okay then… Bye." Daisuke walked upstairs, wondering who it was, exactly, in his family he had gotten his normality from.


	14. The Miraculous Adventure of Wiz Niwa

Daisuke was in the middle of yet another strange dream about frolicking through a land full of strawberries and whip cream with Risa when suddenly someone shook him vigorously awake. Unhappily, Daisuke opened his eyes; his mother was standing over him, looking on the verge of tears. He guessed she had just accidentally cut herself again.

"Mom, we keep the Band-aids under the sink next to the peroxide," Daisuke mumbled before turning back over.

"No, Daisuke, Mommy's not hurt this time! I fear…" She sniveled before bursting into tears. "Oh, Daisuke! Wiz has run awaaaaaay!"

Daisuke could hardly comfort her as his mother sobbed bucketfuls. "I toss Wiz out the window every night because he starts making weird noises at the cats," he explained. "He always manages to find his way back… he can do it again. Now please let me sleep… its Saturday and I'm supposed to sleep in until at least two in the afternoon."

"B-But what if he doesn't come back!"

"Why don't you look for him?!"

"Because if you can't find him, it's really more your problem than mine," his mom explained. "Then you can't be Dark!"

"… That doesn't sound too bad."

"Daisuke, just please do it!"

"Okay… okay, fine…" Daisuke grumbled and walked out the door.

"Honey, you're still in your underwear!"

"THANKS FOR TELLING ME WHEN I GET OUTSIDE!"

"You! Respect your elders!"

"Yes, Grandpa!"

* * *

Wiz truly wasn't in any potential danger… not yet, at least. He had merely taken a stroll into town, passed by the bakery and scared away a few fat pigeons to eat a scrap of bagel they had been pecking at, and now was walking happily back home. On the way back, he spotted a pet store. He blinked happily; the windows were just washed and what pompous creature couldn't resist staring at their reflection in a shiny, Windex-doused mirror? 

But instead of seeing his own reflection, after a few moments of wondering why he wasn't turning his head to left, Wiz realized he was looking at a fat white rabbit with very blank red eyes. Wiz stared back at, then lowered his eyes, having no interest in anything stupider than him (which truthfully wasn't very much). Suddenly, large hands had suddenly grabbed him around the middle and he was being lifted upward.

"Wonder how you got out," a voice above him said.

A very cool voice.

"I guess I'd better go pay for you then," the voice said again. Wiz looked up and saw a tallish boy with blue hair and glasses. He didn't know who he was, all he knew was that he didn't particularly like being picked up by strange, mysterious boys. Preferably blue-haired ones. He proceeded in trying to bite him, which didn't exactly work. And despite how much he hated that Daisuke threw him out the window every night, he still would rather be at home than in the clutches of a… stranger.

* * *

Satoshi took the rather rambunctious rabbit into the shop. From his last memory, the lazy creature had been… well, lazy. And not so good at being an escape artist, apparently. That couldn't be good; anything that got lost in his house was lost forever, with an exception to himself. 

"Um… excuse me miss?" Satoshi said. She was now sitting in a swivel chair at the front desk and reading a book called, "One Hundred One Ways to Prove Chinchillas are really Evil Masterminds Bent on World Domination and not just Adorable Fluffy Rodents as They Would Appear".

"What? Oh, it's you," she said, barely glancing above her book. "What do you want?"

"Um… well, I wanted to take my rabbit home, but he's a bit more awake than usual… ow… you wouldn't happen to have a - ow - carrying case for him?"

"Yeah."

Satoshi stood there waiting as the small rabbit attempted to chew through his wrists. Satoshi blinked, then raised an eyebrow.

"… Do you think you could get one for me?"

"They're in the back."

"Could you get if for me?"

"I guess…"

"And why was my rabbit outside?"

"Why wasn't your rabbit outside?"

Satoshi was getting annoyed. "I'll have you know that when I go into a store, I expect to be treated like an honored guest and not-"

"Please don't get me fired!" the girl said, her eyes suddenly brimming with tears. "Please! I only have one life and I want to spend it taking care of animals that I love and enjoy, plus make a little side money to, I don't know, perhaps open in a drive-by casino, become a filthy rich millionaire and give all my money to my dog and crush the lives of my multiple family members! Don't say that isn't a good enough dream!"

Satoshi blinked. "Um… well, I suppose-"

"Oh, thank you kind soul! Here's your little carrying case, now go home and count your blessings or something." Satoshi was pushed out of the shop door and then a 'closed' sign was put on the door.

"Erm… shall we go home then?" Satoshi said to his new rabbit, who was still staring at him like he was an axe murderer. 'I'll never go back if I can help it.'

* * *

"Wiz!" Daisuke called. "Wiz, you stupid creature! Where the heck did you go? Wi-iz!" 

"Who's Wiz?"

Daisuke turned around. Standing there was Riku; she appeared as if she was jogging, as she was wearing tennis shoes and a headband. In one hand was a water bottle, in the other was a half-eaten milk and cereal bar. She looked a little nervous about talking to him; she hadn't yet forgotten the day 'he' (a.k.a. Wiz) had 'flirted' with her while they had to cut cabbages with Mr. Intense (as seen in Drama in Detention!).

"Oh… hey, Riku," said Daisuke; he hadn't forgotten either. "Um, Wiz is my pet… rabbit. He ran away."

"You have a rabbit?" Riku was now jogging in place. "What does he look like?"

"Um, he's white with big red eyes" – Daisuke widened his eyes with his fingers – "and long ears" – Daisuke pulled on he's ears – "and a strange looking tail… for a rabbit at least." Daisuke stupidly reached for a tail; he did not find one, of course. Riku looked at him.

"Your poor rabbit… what if he gets hit by a car?" Riku said, deeply concerned, though still jogging in place. "How about I help you look for him?" Once again thinking of the memory, she thought Daisuke was a strangely emotional boy and she didn't want him to be sad.

Daisuke blinked. "I guess… if you want to."

So the two of them kept calling and searching.

* * *

"Welcome to your new home," Satoshi said glumly, entering his giant mansion. He stared at the rabbit in the carrier; he figured he would wait a while to open up the crate, as it was now frantically chewing at the door, drool dripping down the metal bars. After an hour or so, Satoshi found the kitchen and made a sandwich. It had been a while since he made his own lunch. 

"Hmm… what goes first? The cheese… no, no, lettuce… ah, wait! It's this starch-filled loaf! Okay… now what." Satoshi looked very skeptical and thought deeply.

'I would suggest a slice of turkey next. It's my favorite,' said a voice in his head.

"I wasn't talking to you!" Satoshi growled. "And now I'm definitely not putting on turkey… I'm a vegetarian anyway."

'No you aren't.'

"Well, I am now!"

Satoshi looked down at the rabbit. It was now staring up at him, cocking his head to the side in a confused, sort of cute way.

"Uh… I always do that," Satoshi mumbled. The rabbit stared at a piece of lettuce, which Satoshi fed to him cautiously. The rabbit ate it and made a sweet, "Kyu!" noise.

And then Satoshi experienced something he hadn't felt in a long time. Yes, he felt a deep and burning passion for this sweet creature.

"I must find a good name for my new rabbit!" he said at once. "Come… let's find the computer room!"

It fortunately didn't take him quite so long and he immediately logged onto the Internet.

"Let's try this website," Satoshi said, opening the bars of the rabbit's cage and allowing it to sit comfortably in his lap. He clicked on the first option. "How about… Howie?"

Wiz stared at the screen, licking his nose and snuffling.

"Well, first times the charm, then!" Satoshi grinned, then said in a very high, un-Satoshi voice, "Let's go off into town, shall we, my little ickle-Howie-kins?"

'I cannot believe you just said that,' Krad spoke again, sounding mortified.

But Satoshi ignored him; he and Howie dashed off down to the park.

* * *

"Wiz! Wiz, where are you?" Riku called. She looked at Daisuke; he didn't look quite so concerned, at least not near tears like the time they had cut cabbages. Every now and then, she caught him looking at the road and smiling evilly. She wondered if he was perhaps thinking about his rabbit. Riku tried to abandon the thought. 

"Why, Riku! Is that you?"

Daisuke and Riku turned around abruptly. Racing up the street was Donis, waving enthusiastically and grinning. He was wearing a sweater vest and a white and blue plaid beret. Daisuke approached him, growling.

"How do you know her?" he said through gritted teeth.

"I know the names of all the girls at school," Donis replied, beaming. "You were shouting 'Wiz'? Pray tell, what is a 'Wiz'?"

"It's Daisuke's rabbit," Riku said, racing up. "I don't believe I know you," she added, looking at Donis nervously. "Are you… hmm… a junior?"

"Yeah," Daisuke mumbled, glancing away.

"Well, what else would I be? A giraffe?" Donis laughed heartily. "And you are searching for this Wiz, correct? May I aid you in your search?"

"I guess…"

"Hey, look!" Riku shouted, pointing across the street. "It's Satoshi!"

Sure enough, there was Satoshi, happily skipping through a field of daffodils with-

"Wiz!" Daisuke shouted and raced to the park, causing several cars to screech to a halt so as not to hit him. They began cursing at him, but Daisuke paid them no mind. Satoshi seemed to have noticed and immediately stopped what he was doing, blushing red and clashing with his ever-blue hair.

"What are you doing with Wiz?" Daisuke yelled. Wiz shrieked, "Kyu!" and Satoshi responded, "Howie says you were mean to him."

"Satoshi? Were you skipping just now?" Riku asked, once she had come over.

"Erm, cough that's not important right now," Satoshi said quickly. "But Howie says he wants to stay here, with me. He says you throw him outside every night."

Donis and Riku stared at Daisuke in shock.

"My word!" Donis gasped. Riku looked like she was ready to punch a monkey.

Daisuke seized Wiz and raced back home. He didn't feel like talking to anyone right now… plus, it was time to end the chapter. We'll just say his very strange act didn't go unnoticed, especially by Satoshi.

Dun-dun-dun!


	15. Making Bacon, er, Plans

Riku entered her house, followed by Satoshi, whom was still depressed but concealing it with his typical poker face, and Donis, who was grinning broadly.

"Ooh, I do love a good mystery!" Donis said with glee. He looked around happily. "My, what a lovely home you have! My mansion isn't nearly so small, though."

"Yeah… mine neither…" Satoshi mumbled.

"Now, now, there's no need to boast," Donis scolded, still grinning.

"This is my mom," Riku said quickly; Donis had been talking about himself the whole way here. "Mom, this is Satoshi and um… Donis, I think."

Donis almost said something like "My mom is prettier", but Riku's mother interrupted.

"Oh, Riku! Are these the two boyfriends you wanted to show me?" she exclaimed, taking a camera out from an unknown pocket in her pants.

"Hey! What? No, Mom, that's Risa!" Riku shouted in defense.

"Guilty," Risa answered, walking down their long staircase and eating a big bowl of sorbet. "And for the record, it was three boyfriends."

Suddenly, she dropped her food in surprise all over the beautiful white carpeted stairs.

"Riku! What are the two most popular guys in school doing in our house?! While I'm in my pajamas?!" Risa shrieked as her mom walked away, no long important to the plot. "How uber embarrassing! I'm going upstairs to hide under the covers and cry in an angsty, teen-aged way, then get over it by talking to my multiple boyfriends and writing about it on my blog!" And she raced upstairs to do just that.

"I see. There really is a big difference between you," Satoshi thought out loud.

"Yeah… a really big difference, so don't let me catch you calling me Risa again," Riku said through gritted teeth; at least her dad wasn't here to further embarrass her.

"Calling a girl the wrong name! What a crime!" said Donis, gasping and putting his hand up to his open mouth. "You're horrible! To have so many fan girls and not to know all there names!"

"I don't care about them," Satoshi said in a very lifeless way. _'I only care about my rabbit'_, he added in his head, rather mournfully. He hung his blue-haired head sadly.

Donis looked completely baffled at this terrible crime.

"This is my room," Riku said, happily interrupting them again. "Sit here and I'll go get us some snacks or something." Riku raced off to the kitchen, glad to be rid of them.

Risa was lying on the kitchen counter with a half-eaten stick of butter hanging out of her mouth, her laptop settled in front of her as she worked on her blog. Riku stared at her.

"Geez… that bad, huh?" Riku sighed, beginning to fix up a plate of chips and salsa as she watched her sister devour the extremely unhealthy rectangle of churned cream.

"Mm." Risa took the stick of butter out of her mouth. "This is only my first." She gestured with her head towards a stack of several other ones, each individually wrapped in a sheet of paper.

"Why does being depressed cause you to suck on those?" Riku asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Not sure, really. They're just better together, really, angst and butter." Risa stuck it back in her mouth and began typing quickly about her 'awful' life. Riku sighed before bringing the tray back upstairs.

As she walked in the door, it was better than she expected. Donis was admiring her posters of a boy band with mustaches and goatees drawn on them (she got the poster from Risa's magazines) and Satoshi was sitting in a corner in a very Emo/L/Sasuke-like way, contemplating things.

"I have snacks," Riku said, holding out the bowl.

Donis looked over happily. "Oh, goody! I do love snacks! But you don't have any maids to serve them?"

Riku blinked. "Um… we have one that comes on Mondays and Saturdays to clean the house… and we have a chauffeur."

Donis laughed heartily. "I have nine and they're all beautiful women who adore me! But why shouldn't women adore me?" Riku set the bowl on the floor, staring at Donis strangely.

"So!" Donis said happily, munching on a chip. "So, are we going to talk about it?"

"About what?" Riku said glumly.

"Well, of course! The mystery with that spiky, red-haired fellow! Why he ran away from us with his large-eyed rabbit friend!" Donis shouted, looking determined. At once, at the mention of his beloved pet, Satoshi could bare it no longer and burst into a flood of tears.

"Sorry… I'm going now," Satoshi sobbed, opening the window and jumping out of it. They heard an "Ow…" and then foot steps racing away.

"Um… I just asked you to come here because Daisuke made it so awkward," Riku admitted truthfully. _'And Satoshi just made it worse'_, she added in her head.

"Oh, that's too bad." But Donis didn't look too phased, a half-grin still on his beret-clad face/head. Riku betted that he would turn down an offer in a shampoo commercial before he would cry; there was just no breaking his happy-go-lucky attitude.

"Oh my! This chip is shaped like you, Riku!" Donis said, his wide eyes glistening with stupid joy. "Here you go!" He handed it to Riku with such gusto that it flung into the wall and smashed into several tiny crumbs.

"NO! Chip!" Donis started crying without actually shedding any tears and bolted out the door. Riku blinked; where had all the masochistic anime boys gone?

Oh yeah, that's right. 'Kamichima Karin' somehow got only manly men. Except for Michiro. No one knows where he came from.

* * *

The weekend flew by as Daisuke thought of another plan to stop him from looking like a fool in school. In fact, that last rhyme was the only clever thing he had thought of the whole weekend. He was basically going to look like a moron; the fact that Wiz still existed wasn't helping the matter. 

At the dawn of Monday morning, Daisuke still hadn't struck a plan. And Wiz still wasn't dead. But suddenly, a voice seemingly from nowhere resounded.

_'Perhaps I can be of assistance.'_

Daisuke looked around.

_'Oh, Dark! I almost forgot you existed,'_ Daisuke thought to him, trying to sound like he was kidding. _'Why haven't you been talking to me?'_

_'Truthfully, I've been deep in thought.'_

Daisuke snorted. _'What?'_

_'Hey, don't be such a hypocrite! At least I don't bump into people when I think and walk at the same time!'_

Daisuke didn't comment about that.

_'Anyway, I have actually thought of something. And I'll explain everything to you… you just have to promise me you'll do what I say.'_

_'What do you want to do?'_

_'Promise me first.'_

Daisuke growled. _'How stupid do you think I am?'_

_'I'm not going to answer that. But I promise I'll try to get your grandfather into a retirement home.'_

Daisuke hesitated.

_'And scare Wiz into shutting up at night.'_

"Deal!" Daisuke shouted allowed, then grinned maliciously at the Wiz, who was staring back with worry as though he had just heard everything Dark had said.

_'Great. Just let me… be you for a while, okay?'_ Dark thought to him.

_'How exactly do you plan to do that?'_

_'Oh, relax. I've always been able to communicate through you. Just let me do the talking, okay, shorty?'_

Daisuke gritted his teeth. "Don't call me that."

"Don't be such an Edward." Daisuke was surprised when Dark's voice came out of his mouth, sounding only slightly deeper than his own. "I know what I'm doing. I'll spread over any awkward moments with my manly charm like jelly."

Daisuke sighed heavily. "Just don't do anything ridiculous."

Oh, Daisuke… you know how your words always have a tendency to backfire on yourself.


	16. The Darkest Day

Dark walked to school in Daisuke's body. He was not exactly acting like Daisuke; it was more like Ash from Pokemon. He had this big, determined grin on his face and was swinging his arms back and forth merrily. Why? Well, if there was ever a chance to act unmanly it might as well be when you're in someone else's body.

He suddenly stumbled upon Riku and Risa walking to school.

"Daisuke! I need to talk to you _**right now**_!" Riku yelled through gritted teeth. Ooh... italicized and bolded! She really means business.

Suddenly and fortuitously, Risa dropped her books. Dark grabbed them in mid-air before any of them could touch the ground. He held them up, looking for pleased, yet suave, with himself.

"Here you go," he said, handing them to her.

"Wow, Daisuke you sure are-" Risa started.

"Manly? Thank you, I know..." Dark said, running a hand through Daisuke's hair.

"I was going to say coordinated," Risa said without sounding the slightest hint of regret of those words in her voice. Dark blinked, turning away.

"Oh. I see. Okay, well bye then."

"Hey, wait a minute! Don't you think you can duck out!" Riku shouted after him, grabbing him by his backpack. "_**I WANT TO TALK TO YOU, MISTER**_!" Uh-oh; now caps lock, too.

"Hi, Daisuke!" Takeshi said, racing up. "Whazzup, twins?"

"HOW DARE YOU! I hate it when people don't treat me like an individual and a single unit! WE'RE DIFFERENT PEOPLE!" Riku screamed, looking frazzled.

"Can I just talk to you before anyone else comes?!" Risa yelled at Dark, who by now was rather weirded out.

"… Well, you don't have to be so spazzy about it," Takeshi mumbled desperately. He turned back to Daisuke, looking more eager. "Today I brought meatballs to the cafeteria! I can hardly wait! I hear someone's going to start a food fight!"

"Oh my, what an awful day to wear off-white," said somebody. They turned around; it was Donis, as usual flanked by his many fan girls. He took off his beret to put it in his backpack, smacking a girl in the face when he flipped his hair and sending them flying.

"Speak of the devil," Riku muttered.

"Did anyone see what he just did to that girl?!" Dark asked, panic-stricken and trying to look around Donis.

"Why, good morning chaps! Did I just hear you conversing about a fight of food today?" Donis asked heartily. He stared at Dark. "Ah! And now we find out!"

"Find out what?" asked Risa and Takeshi together.

"Will everyone please just go away?!" Riku shouted, growling.

"But… that girl is unconscious!" Dark sputtered, pointing at her rapidly.

"That's not important right now!" Riku yelled, half paying attention. "What's important is that you three leave! Please!"

"Awww…" Takeshi, Risa and Donis all walked away sulking, accidentally stepping on the unconscious person. Dark's mouth was open in horror.

But then the first bell rang.

"Rats," Riku growled. She poked Dark in the nose. "Listen, you. This isn't over. See you at school." She raised her eyebrows and walked away.

"But… HER!" Dark shouted, now swinging his arms at the fangirl frantically. He stared at her and looked back at the school. "But… the… eh?... um…" Dark took one last look at her. "I promise I'll come back for you later!" he shouted before racing into the building.

* * *

"Now it's lunch! My best subject!" Dark said proudly, holding a tray of every mystery substance known to man. 

"You… you're actually going to eat that?" Takeshi asked nervously, pointing his finger at the gray, green and brown lumps sitting on the plate.

"Sure. It's food, right?" Dark said in a manly way, scooping forkfuls of it into his mouth.

"Suuure it is," Takeshi answered in a strangled voice. Donis looked like he was going to toss his cookies as he was frozen holding his cucumber sandwich.

"THIS IS REALLY GOOD!" Dark shouted through a mouthful of food. "Dudes, you guys want any? This is better than Thanksgiving…"

"No thanks. I like living," Donis said merrily.

"I'm allergic to… whatever that is," Takeshi mumbled.

The two of them looked away.

_I can't believe your shoveling that filth into me. You're paying for my hospital bill._

_Aww, cafeteria food isn't all it's thought up to be. You see this gray blob? It only moves when you bite it too hard._

_I think I need a lawyer… or aspirin or something…_ Daisuke refused to talk for a while.

"Hey, Daisuke… we _are_ going to start that food fight soon, right?" Takeshi leaned over and whispered to him.

Dark swallowed. "Huh? What do you mean 'we'?"

"You didn't already forget, did you? Early this morning, I stashed my dad's meatballs in the freezer." He narrowed his eyes, looking back down at Dark's lunch. "It's gotta be better ammo than anything your eating. Did something just move in there?"

"Probably. Hey, you want me to go get them?"

_You're ruining my image!  
_

_What image? Spiky-haired short kid? Would you rather be remembered as a combat hero or Sonic the Hedgehog? Dark's in this food fight, so it will be a food fight no one will forget! _Dark thought, standing up on the table and posing heroically.

"Daisuke… get down, not yet!" hissed Takeshi. "You're so weird today… Go get the meatballs!"

"None for me, I'm a very-vegan-vegetarian-Valedictorian," said Donis, chuckling to himself about how all the words started with 'V'.

_I hate you. This was the worst idea I've ever had. You haven't even solved my problem yet._

_Hey! This is the worst idea _I've_ ever had I think you mean! Give me credit!_

_…If you really want that._

Dark raced off to the freezer. As he entered, he realized he was not alone.

"What are you doing in here?" said a voice.

A very cool voice. And not just because they were in a freezer! (random drum sound)

"Just… getting something…" Dark answered through gritted teeth. "What about you?"

Satoshi sniffed. "As if you don't know!"

Dark blinked. "But I don't know."

"Oh… yeah… Well, if you really must hear, I'm getting ice cubes to cool my beverage-thing," Satoshi replied.

"You think I believe that for a second?!"

Satoshi raised an eyebrow. "Why are you being so defensive?"

"Why is the freezer door closed?"

"Don't return questions at me, you dolt! You and your tricky little reverse psychology… You can only do that on children! Or can you? Or what if this is reverse, reverse psychology and you're trying to get me to think that you aredoing reverse psychology when you're really not! _Which would you mean that you are!_" Satoshi laughed in a very maniacally insane way. "And now you're just messing with my head! But you think I don't understand when I do! I've got you now, Daisuke!"

"Um… if you're done talking to yourself," Dark said. "The door's kind of closed on us. Only one person knows we're in here and I don't think he's coming to find us."

For some reason unbeknownst to Dark, Donis' remaining fan girls were talking to Takeshi. He was obviously lying about something that looked like a tattoo he got from a Lunchable.

"TELL ME YOU HAVE A CELL PHONE!" Satoshi shouted, going into fetal position mode next to a box of Insta-Bacon.

"Yeah, just hang on a second, I've got it covered." Dark took out the phone. "Only got enough bars for one call, though. Let's see… the emergency number is a nine, right?" He pushed the button with a "doo!" noise.

_You idiot! It's not just a nine; that's Takeshi's home phone! It's on a speed dial!_

"Speed what?!" Dark yelped, clawing at his hair. "Well, how was I supposed to know?!"

"Are you talking to yourself?" Satoshi asked.

"Um… well-"

"It's okay. I do that sometimes."

"Ignoring that. Wait, someone picked up!" Dark said happily. "We're SAVED!"

"Hello?" said a groggy young voice from the end of the line.

"Who are you?" Dark asked rudely.

"Wendy. Who are you, Mr. Too-Good-To-Say-A-Greeting?" a girl's voice returned.

"Daisuke! A friend of Takeshi's!" Dark said back. "You have to call the police! I'm trapped in a freezer!"

There was about five minutes of laughing from the other end.

"Why should I help you?" Wendy finally insisted. "You were just rude to me! A sick child home from school!"

"Because, um…" Dark thought, then snapped his fingers. "Because I'll give you a piggy-back to you everyday for the rest of the year if you do!"

_If I hated you before, now I despise you with every particle of my being._

"I don't like piggy-backs."

Dark bit his lip. "Um… what do you want? Anything, and I swear, I'll be your best friend forever!"

"Ew, I can't believe you'd say that, you perv! I'll get my brother to beat you up."

"Wait- Wendy-"

_Booooop._

"So?" Satoshi asked eagerly.

Dark sighed. "What do you expect from a nine-year-old?"

Satoshi began to cry icicles.

**Will they be saved? Find out in the next chapter of Not D.N.Angel! (it's called "not" for a reason, you know!)**


	17. Escape from the Freezer!

Daisuke inner-yelled at Dark until he finally convinced him to take over again.

He and Satoshi were still trapped in the freezer. Daisuke desperately tried to get out while Satoshi sat in a corner writing his will on a piece of cardboard he ripped off a box of Insta-Bacon. Once he'd finished (there wasn't much to leave behind- he just left behind his mansion to his butler because he wasn't exactly sure what was inside it), he'd started writing about other things.

"'It's been a while now and I fear we may run out of rations'," he wrote. "'It's so cold… will we ever survive? Will we ever be found? I'm scared to think what might happen to us…'"

Daisuke glanced over at Satoshi who was writing so fast that his pen was beginning to smoke. "Satoshi, what are you writing?" he asked curiously and nervously.

"What's happening… someone will need to know if we don't get out here alive…" He shivered. "It's frigid. How long have we been in here?"

Daisuke looked at his watch, narrowing his eyes in an annoyed way. "Four and half minutes."

Satoshi glared at him, getting back to his writing. "'Will not hesitate to eat companion, if necessary.'"

"Well, I wouldn't worry too much," Daisuke said, giving up. "That was the last lunch shift and the lunch ladies and Mr. Intense always put the extra food in here. It won't be long before we're found."

"That's what everyone says before they DIE," Satoshi growled.

"Um… no it's not?" Daisuke said nervously. He decided to change the subject before things got ugly, as it looked as if Satoshi was about to say something in defense. "I hear that the best way to stay warm in circumstances like these is to huddle together."

Satoshi glared at Daisuke again. "That's completely stupid."

"It's better than death. I bet you need a hug anyway."

"I do not need a hug! Don't touch me!" Satoshi crab-walked backwards fairly quickly.

"Well you were the one who was so worried a second ago," Daisuke said angrily, covering himself in packs of meat to try and keep warm. It didn't really work, as it doesn't really give off any heat.

* * *

Wiz was having fun tanning himself in front Daisuke's window. He was as cozy as a rabbit-creature could be. His stomach was full of the delicious taste of one of Daisuke's paintings. Wiz knew he would be killed as soon as Daisuke got him, but now it was good enough to sleep away the hours comfortably. 

Wiz hopped off the windowsill, as the sun had moved to the opposite side of the house, and walked away wishing Daisuke had a window on the other side of his room. Maybe he could make his own later. He could hear Daisuke's mom in the kitchen making cookies. Then the phone rang. Wiz went to answer it, then remembered he didn't have opposable thumbs. So Daisuke's mom picked it up.

"Hello, Niwa residents, Daisuke's mom speaking! How may I help you? ... Sorry, I've always wanted to say that. I tried to work at Burger King once just so I could, but I got kicked out because there was this wallaby that- Hmm? Daisuke did what? Skip class? Not my Daisuke! Daisuke loves school! And he's good at school! That's why he does all our taxes! If you're sure… Okay. Tootle-loo-skee!" She hung up cheerily, ignoring the secretary who was about to ask what in the name of all that is bright and beautiful is a tootle-loo-skee.

"I'll be back, Wiz! Watch the house!" She called, running outside to drive to the school even though she got her driver's license cut in half seventeen years ago.

* * *

"Hey, Risa," Riku said, sitting next to her sister in cooking. 

"You're cramping my cool," Risa said, filing her nails.

"… Anyway," Riku continued, "Have you seen Daisuke anywhere?"

"I haven't!" Takeshi shouted, joining in.

Riku and Risa stared at him until Takeshi walked away.

"Maybe he got sick or something," Risa replied. "Why? Does it really matter?"

"Well, he was there at lunch. Actually, he's kind of been acting strangely all day. I haven't seen Lucy Samuels at all either," Riku noted.

Lucy Samuels is still lying unconscious in the school parking lot.

"She follows around Donis around a lot. Maybe she caught his stupid," Risa answered, shrugging.

"I guess… but that still doesn't explain Daisuke. I'm going to go see what happened."

"Okay, but Mr. Intense is going to kill you," Risa said, sliding her finger across her neck.

Riku half-grinned. "Unlike you, Mr. Intense actually likes me."

"It's really not a good thing if your Fun-Sucker's favorite," Risa shouted after her.

Unfortunately, 'Fun-Sucker' was standing right behind her, so Risa gets the experience of actually chopping cabbages.

"Do you suppose we'll ever get out?" Satoshi asked Daisuke.

"Satoshi, you just asked me that ten seconds ago, and what was my answer?" Daisuke growled, getting annoyed.

"'Satoshi, you just asked me that ten seconds ago'," Satoshi reiterated.

Daisuke resisted from punching Satoshi on his blue-haired head. "_And what did I say before that?"_

"'Perhaps.'"

"Right. So let's just keep waiting."

It was quiet… for a few seconds.

"Well, may I tell you about my depressing childhood?"

Daisuke blinked. "Why?"

"It kills time."

Daisuke nodded. "That it does."

And Satoshi was about to break out into a childhood of woe, when suddenly Riku burst in.

"I thought you two might be in here," Riku said.

"Riku! Wait, how did you know?" Daisuke asked.

"Girls get hunches nine times more than men. We're just weird that way," Riku replied with a shrug.

"Oh. Well yay for hunches!" Daisuke said, grinning.

Meanwhile, Satoshi was hugging Riku so hard she was turning the same color as his hair.

"Daisuke Middle Name Niwa! Why are you skipping class?!" Daisuke's mom shouted, suddenly entering the lunchroom with the random school principal and Mr. Intense.

"Mom! I got locked in the freaking freezer!" Daisuke shouted, trying not to get in trouble.

"And what were you doing in said freaking freezer?!" Mr. Intense shouted back. He never speaks, just shouts.

"Well… uh…" Daisuke faltered. "Um, Satoshi got locked in, so in attempt to get him out, I got locked in too!"

"Oh. Okay then," Mr. Intense shouted.

"Wait… aren't you going to ask Satoshi why he was in there?" Daisuke said frantically.

"Why would I do that? I like Satoshi," Mr. Intense shouted yet again.

So Daisuke went back to cooking with Riku and, because Mr. Intense is such a jerk, he stayed after school and chopped cabbages anyway.

* * *

"Heeey, Lucy! What are you doing in the parking lot? You're not a car!" said Takeshi brightly. 

Lucy got up, blinking. "I just remember something coming at me quickly… and now here I am…"

"A squirrel peed on you," Takeshi said, still brightly.

"Ew! I'm not very happy!" Lucy began to cry.

"The squirrel was."

"So are you, clearly," Lucy growled.

"Yes. Well, bye!" Takeshi walked away to go hit on Daisuke's mom, who was waiting by a stop sign for Daisuke.

* * *

"I'm never letting you be me again," Daisuke growled.

_Okay, okay. Sorry I almost got you killed._

"Thank you!" Daisuke shouted, scaring some pigeons and some other detentioned students walking by.

"Daisuke! There you are! Let's go!" his mom said quickly. Takeshi had been complimenting her poorly for the past three hours.

So they went home. Lucy was still in the parking lot trying to remember where she lived. But no one died, so I guess it was a good day.

This chapter needed a lot of fixing. I went back and fixed the others too. :)


	18. If grapes were idiots, we'd have a bunch

It was a beautiful day. The birds were chirping, the grass was green, the squirrels raced about throwing nuts at people.

"What a nice Wed-ness-day!" Adonis exclaimed, walking off to school with Takeshi and Daisuke. "I could just sing!"

"Please don't," Daisuke growled. "And it's pronounced 'wens-day'."

"Well, what has got you so down in the dumbs?" Donis asked.

"IT'S DOWN IN THE DUMPS, YOU IDIOT!" Daisuke shouted. "And, if you must know, my grandpa just keeps bugging me because he won't get into a retirement home. All he does is stay home and mooch off my mom and I. It's no wonder my dad practically lives at the office."

"Is your mom going to-?"

"No, they're not getting a divorce, Takeshi."

"Well, let's talk about something happy on this fine day!" Donis said, changing the subject. "I hear a new girl is in your class, Da-ee-su-kay! I must find out her name quickly!"

"Donis… Not everything is pronounced as its spelled, you know…" Daisuke growled. He still didn't like Donis very much. Most boys didn't, as their girlfriends were constantly running off with him. But Daisuke didn't like him because he still suspected Donis to be a heartless villain at heart.

'Um, wait… If he doesn't have a heart, than how…? Nevermind.' Daisuke shook his head, not wanting to be confused today.

"A new girl! Gosh… hope she's hotter than the other girls in our class," Takeshi said to himself.

"I heard that! Takeshi, you really are a jerk-face!" Riku shouted, plowing him down with her bike.

"Owie…" Takeshi mumbled, his face flattened against the sidewalk.

'Why are all your friends skinny?' Dark inquired.

"Oh, look! It's the lovely Harada twins!" Donis grinned cheerfully. "How nice of you to grace us with your presence on this lovely day!"

"Thanks! I'd love to return the comment, but I'm a very terrible person who wishes you would go die of starvation in the bottom of a well!" Risa said with a smile.

Donis twitched in confusion, wondering how anyone could not be as madly in love with him as he was with himself.

"Anyway," Riku continued, parking her bike. "Someone new is coming into our class today. A transfer student from somewhere not in Daisuke's Town."

"You know, it's actually called-" Daisuke started, but was interrupted by Donis and Takeshi cracking up.

"Um, what is wrong with you two, besides what we already knew?" Riku asked in confusion.

"What's wrong with you? There isn't any place outside of Daisuke's Town!" The two continued laughing.

"Um, this place is really called-"

"Yes there is! What do you think we've been learning in history all year?!" Riku yelled, throwing out her arms and whacking poor Lucy in the face.

"What _have_ we been learning in history this year?" Takeshi asked, completely serious.

"… You know what? Forget you morons. Let's go, Risa."

"I'm not a moron! And this place is called-"

"Well, you smell funny!" Takeshi shouted, unable to think of a more clever insult on the spot.

Donis slapped Takeshi.

"How awfully un-gentlemanly of you! Don't be mean to women!" Donis said.

Daisuke left quietly as the two began to fight in very unmasculine ways.

* * *

"Okay, class," Daisuke's insignificant advisor said. "We have a new studnet named Mio Hio. I hope you all make her welcome and such."

"Talking, hi, talking, I'm Mio Hio, inhale, exhale" Mio Hio said.

"Yes, I just said that," said the insignificant advisor. "Please sit down."

"Walking, inhale, walking, exhale, walking, inhale, placing down books, exhale, sitting, inhale-" Mio began.

"What are you doing?" said the insignificant advisor.

"Talking, saying everything I'm doing, commence talking," Mio said with a grin.

"… Well, that's going to have to stop," the insignificant advisor said unhappily.

"Talking, well what if I, inhale, forget what I'm doing, exhale, commence talking?" Mio said, gasping (and saying "gasping").

"I'm sure you'll live," the advisor said sarcastically and began the lesson.

'You two sure have a lot in common,' Dark said.

'Huh? Are you saying I'm stupid?!' Daisuke inner-yelled.

'Not exactly. Well, kind of. You're both very forgetful, you both have funny hair, and you both have a curse!'

'What? What do you mean Mio has a curse?' said Daisuke, now interested.

'That name is a curse! Her parents are awful; who names their daughter 'Mio' when their last name is Hio?'

"Daisuke? Hello? What is the answer to number three?" random advisor shouted.

"Um…" Daisuke flipped to a random page in his text book. "Uh, I got seven."

"We're in history class, Mr. Niwa," random advisor said sternly. "You're just lucky that seven is actually the answer I was looking for."

"Oh… um… Okay then." Daisuke took out his other text book, but was distracted by a strange gagging noise on his left.

It was Mio, who had forgotten to swallow and was now choking on her saliva.

"Is their a problem, Miss Hio?" the advisor asked.

"I think so! Oh," Mio blinked. "Nevermind, I'm okay now!"

"Are you sure you're in the right grade?" random advisor asked.

"Um… my paper says I should be in the ee-darg hat-ha-gee," Mio said, reading carefully.

Random advisor looked at her paper. "It's the eighth grade, Miss Hio. You're reading it backwards."

"OH!" Mio started snort-laughing for about five minutes until the random advisor dismissed her class twenty seven minutes early, saying something about needing a vacation.

"Wow, the new girl is a total idiot. She makes even me look smart," Takeshi said, staring at Mio who had a blank, happy look on her face. Mio noticed Takeshi staring at her.

"Hi, I'm Mio Hio," she said brightly.

"Yes, I know," Takeshi answered flatly.

"Really? Who told you?" Mio asked, scared. She rummaged around her backpack and took out a can of pepper spray. "Don't hurt me or I'll viciously attack!"

"Um… please don't…" Takeshi said, not looking forward to being injured yet again before it was even noon.

"Wow, I'm surprised you knew a word like viciously," Daisuke noted.

"Do I?" Mio asked, pointing to herself. "Mio? GACK!" She swallowed again. "I love toucans!"

"Um… I'm so happy for you," Daisuke said nervously.

"Do you like toucans?" Mio asked, leaning forward on Daisuke's desk, a little too close for comfort and threatening to pop his personal space bubble.

"Uh, yeah, they're cool, I guess," Daisuke said, leaning so far back in his chair he could feel his spine snap.

"Wow." Mio grinned. "Wanna be my friend?"

"Um…" Daisuke blinked. "Um, may…be?"

"I don't like you," Takeshi said, who had always been overly truthful, though not quite as much as Risa.

"What class do you have next?" Daisuke asked.

Mio looked at her schedule. "Tra."

"I think you mean art," Daisuke offered. "Takeshi has art next, too."

Takeshi looked like he was going to cry.

"Takeshi? I always hated that name," Mio said without the tiniest bit of regret.

"What is this? Let's Make Fun of Takeshi Day?" Takeshi shouted.

"Everyday is for my mom," Daisuke answered.

Takeshi was about to go off to hit his head against a wall repeatedly, when suddenly in came his idol, Satoshi.

"Satoshi! Good to see you!" Takeshi sputtered, going down on his knees.

"Yes, I suppose it is," Satoshi said distantly. "You are Daisuke's… sidekick? Is he here?"

"Who cares? Man, I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been?" Takeshi asked.

"Terrible. See you later, Cynthia."

"Um… bye…" Now Takeshi went to go give himself a swirly… he's just that cool.

* * *

"So this is Mio Hio! Pleasure to meet you!" Donis said happily. 

"It's a pleasure to meet me too," Mio said in a very half-awake way.

"… I have to help her find her classes today," Daisuke said unhappily.

"Why, how fortunate! I wish I could be graced with the task of escorting young Mio here to all her lessons!" Donis said with a manly grin.

"I hate big words," Mio said, chewing on the end of her hair.

"Anyway, we've got cooking now, Mio. Remember to stay focused… If that's even possible," Daisuke said, saying the last part to himself... and Dark. Goodness grape juice.

* * *

"Today we are making a simple pan-fried lemon ricotta gnocchi with parmesan and potatoes . Don't mess it up!" Mr. Intense shouted, before turning back to his French cooking magazine and trying to pronounce the names of the various cheeses. 

"Are you going to be able to do this, Mio?" Daisuke asked.

"So I just use this big knife right here?"

"No, Mio, that's a butcher knife; it's used for meat," Daisuke said, though the thought of Mio wielding any knife was frightening. "Let's just stick with our littler… knife-things."

"I cut myself," Mio said, staring at her bleeding finger notoriously. "Oh dear." She sucked on the blood, then got back to work.

"No! Mr. Intense will kill you!" Daisuke whispered, grabbing her wrist perhaps a little too hard. "His bad cooking senses will be going crazy!"

"I suppose I should wash my hands then," Mio said, staring at the faucet.

"Yes, I suppose you should get around to that," Daisuke muttered, completely exacerbated at her idiocy. 'Geez, she's worse than Donis.'

* * *

"You have ten minutes left to work!" Mr. Intense shouted.

Daisuke was in the middle of setting up his dish when Mio returned.

"Mio, what took you so long?" Daisuke asked, wondering if this was really worth hearing.

"I couldn't remember which knob it was that turned on the water," Mio said in her usual nasalizing way.

"Okay, times up!" Mr. Intense shouted. The only noise that could be heard was a loud, clanging sound as Daisuke hit himself in the head with a meat tenderizer. Mr. Intense walked up and down, saying this and that about students' meals.

"Well, Risa, what do you have to show me today?" Mr. Intense shouted.

"Well, I don't know what a gah-no-chi is -or how to pronounce it, for that matter- so I just made you a ham sandwich," Risa mumbled absentmindedly.

"Gnocchi," Mr. Intense explained, obviously trying to contain his conniption, "is an Italian pasta dish, containing dumplings and spices or sauces that enhance the flavor. These include tomato sauce, butter and cheese. Did you use tomato sauce, butter or cheese?"

"Um… it's got mayonnaise on it-"

"Get your knife sharpened, Harada. The cabbages await you after school," Mr. Intense said in his scrutinizing way. Risa growled and made faces at Mr. Intense after he left.

"Good job, Daisuke. I'm impressed with your work." Daisuke sighed happily, though he knew Mio was about to get an earful.

"Hi, I'm Mio Hio," Mio stated for about the ump thousandth time that day.

"Where is your gnocchi?" Mr. Intense asked.

"I don't know. Was I supposed to have one?" Mio asked.

"Yes." Mr. Intense glared at her.

"Whoops," Mio said. "It's a nice day out, isn't it?"

"That's beside the point," Mr. Intense shouted. "When I ask you to make gnocchi, I expect you to make it!"

"Did you ask me to make gnocchi? I can do that!" Mio took out a piece of paper.

"What are you doing?" Mr. Intense asked.

"Making gnocchi."

"Gnocchi," Mr. Intense shouted, gritting his teeth and clearly on the verge of losing it, "is not the equivalent to a paper airplane."

"Whoops," Mio repeated.

So she had to stay after school too. Poor Mio. And poor Risa. What fun she must have had.

* * *

"Dark, you never did tell me the thing you promised you would. Your past with whatever that dude's name is," Daisuke said on the way home. 

'Sorry, I kind of forgot. Wanna know now?'

"Uh, yeah. Sure."

'It all started out when we were little. We were playing this game with a ball called 'Redemption-''

"I'm serious."

'Okay, okay…'

And then the story began… sort of. But the author stopped.


	19. Insanity Galore

"Well…?" said Daisuke, who had been waiting quite a while for Dark to say something for the past ten minutes. He sat in the train station, waiting for his train to finish its rather slow climb up the hill leading to his school.

_"Ah, yes. I'm sorry. I was busy thinking of how I'm supposed to begin this,"_ Dark said, snapping out of it. He glanced around the area outside of Daisuke's brain. "This setting isn't right."

"Oh give me a break-"

"I'm serious! I want a nice, story telling setting. The woods and a campfire will do." Dark clapped his hands and chop-chopped Daisuke.

"Hey! You said that the first time I met you eighteen chapters ago!" Daisuke said.

"And that's when you poisoned me!"

So the both of them had a good laugh about that until Dark realized he was still mad at Daisuke for poisoning him and refused to say anything to Daisuke until he arranged a good story telling setting.

"Daisuke!" Takeshi shouted before Daisuke could leave the school grounds.

"Takeshi, I'm kind of busy right now," Daisuke growled, trying to walk away.

"Aw, come on, man! Mio Hio won't leave me alone!" Takeshi yelled, turning around to reveal a Mio Hio who was hugging Takeshi around the waist, her arms refusing to release him even a smidge. A grin was plastered over her happy face.

"The Takeshi has saved the Mio from the evil car that almost hit the Mio! The Mio must repay the Takeshi by hugging him day and night without refusing to let go!" Mio said happily.

Daisuke blinked. "Um, why is she talking in the third person?"

Takeshi mouthed "I don't know" as he tried to pry Mio off him with a crowbar.

"Mio, get off me! I don't like you!" Takeshi yelled to her through gritted teeth.

"You… don't?" Mio said, finally releasing her death grip around his waist to stare at him with shiny, tear-filled eyes.

"Not really," Takeshi growled.

"What a cruel thing to say." Mio took out her pepper spray, spritzed Takeshi in the face and walked away.

"OWWWWW!" Takeshi yelled, clawing at his eyes. "What the heck was that for, huh?! What did _I_ do?!"

"I don't know, but I'd have to say you made the Mio unhappy," Daisuke replied, watching Mio scamper off into the train tracks. "Mio. Get out of there. You're going to hit by a train."

"The Mio doesn't care." Mio lay down, her arms and legs spread out as if she was making a snow angel. "The Mio will only come out of the Takeshi saves me."

"Dude, I think she likes you," Daisuke said, turning back to Takeshi. Takeshi's red, blotchy eyes opened wide in fear.

"This... This can't be right!" Takeshi pulled something out of his pocket. "But… My Pokemon cards said that Mio would fall in love with the captain of the football team!"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"They work for Risa. Aw, man." Takeshi began to pout.

"…Please save her from the train, Takeshi."

"No."

"Come on."

"No."

"Mio! Get out of the way," Daisuke shouted. He looked around. "Where'd she go?"

"I don't know. And, more importantly, I don't care."

"Do we have any woods around here?" Daisuke asked.

"Um… probably. Why?" Takeshi asked, boarding the train as it finally arrived.

"I need to go there. School project," he added quickly.

"What project?" Takeshi said, his eyes growing even wider. Daisuke remembered that they had nearly all their classes together.

"Um… the one that only I have to do. For grade elevation," Daisuke added quickly again.

Takeshi was in awe, wondering what class he possibly be doing better than Daisuke in.

"The train is going really fast today," Takeshi said suddenly.

"Yeah, that's weird," Daisuke said with a shrug.

"Hey, look, the wheels just caught on fire," Takeshi yelled, pointing.

"Maybe we're going faster than I thought…" Daisuke looked around. They were the only ones on the train.

"We should see if the driver is okay," Daisuke said hurriedly. He ran to the front of the train while Takeshi watched the wheels sparking with great enthusiasm and making "oooooh" noises.

"What's going on-? MIO?!" Daisuke yelled as Mio turned around.

"You! Short boy! Stop the train!" Mio shrieked, hugging Daisuke in fear.

"What are you doing here? And why were you driving?!" Daisuke asked, pulling Mio off him.

"Mio wanted Takeshi to get home on time and the train man was too slow, so Mio tied him up and threw him by the side of the tracks!" Mio exclaimed, exhaling deeply as she once again forgot to breathe.

"YOU IDIOT! Whatever. I'll deal with you later." Daisuke pulled on the break. The train halted abruptly and fell onto its side before sliding down the mountain. So Daisuke turned into Dark while Mio preoccupied herself with Takeshi, picked up the train and carried it off into the woods before falling asleep and transforming back into Daisuke.

Takeshi emerged from a cracked window, Mio clinging to him like an extra arm. "Hey, that was weird, but at least we're alive," Takeshi said, shrugging.

"WHAT WERE YOU DOING DRIVING A TRAIN?!" Daisuke yelled at Mio.

"I was being useful!" Mio said gleefully.

Daisuke and Takeshi slapped their foreheads simultaneously. Stuck in the woods with the biggest idiot in the school was not how they planned their Friday afternoon to go.

* * *

"Hey, Riku, I'm thinking about getting a tattoo." 

"Are you now?" Riku said, turning the channel on the TV. Her sister got a crazy idea once every month. Risa happened to know she had a fear of needles. "Of what?"

"One of a huge flaming panda bear with its mouth dripping with blood so that when I go to the beach and I'm wearing my bikini, single creeps will take one look at it and walk away," Risa said intensely.

"I don't know you," Riku mumbled.

"Pardon?"

"Won't that scare away single nice guys too?"

Risa pondered this. "You have a point. Hmm… Maybe it should say across the bottom in bones 'Single Creeps Beware'."

"That's great." Riku flipped the channel again. "Hey, look. A train broke down near our school."

"What's the damage?" Risa asked, a suspicious excited glint in her eye.

"That's bizarre. It says they can't find the train…" Riku blinked in confusion. "And they found the train guy tied up next to the tracks."

"Weird. Anyway, I'm hungry, and Mom and Dad are gone tonight. You gonna cook something?"

"For myself, yeah."

"But I'm hungry!" Risa pretended to cry and crouched down directly in front of Riku's face. "I could really go for one of your lobster pot pies right now."

Riku sighed. "But we spent all day cooking. Let's order something."

"Yay! Let's get sushi!" Risa said clapping her hands.

"Right. Because we just needed something to make this Asian, didn't we?" Riku mumbled, trailing after her sister to dial the number.

"Hi, welcome to Mooshy Sushi. We'll make good sushi for you-shi. What can I get for you tonight?" said a bored voice over the intercom.

"Just some sushi."

"Hey, we have a message!" Risa said happily.

"Wait till I finish ordering," Riku muttered. "To go, please. The big mansion near the lake. You can't miss it. No, I don't have a boyfriend. Why-? HEY! JUST GET ME MY SUSHI!" Riku slammed the phone down.

"If you had a tattoo, that wouldn't have happened," Risa said. "That proves my point."

"Risa… they can't see a tattoo over the phone…" Riku stated flatly, rolling her eyes. She played the message.

_"Riku? It's Daisuke. I know you hate me, but we're trapped in the woods. Me and Takeshi that is. With Mio Hio. And if you could come save us that would be really great… Um… Mio says hi and she loves Takeshi- What am I saying?! Just come get us."_

"Drat. Guess we'd better go get them." Riku got her jacket and her infamous bike.

"I'll wait for the sushi!" Risa called after her. Riku sighed and continued pedaling.

* * *

Satoshi was trying to sleep on the ground of his mansion because he couldn't find his room. He had to sell his house tomorrow anyway. But then he heard a knock on the door. 

It took him seventy two minutes to find the door, but when he did, his visitor was still there. He opened the door and looked down-

"Dad?!" Satoshi shouted.

"Hey, Satoshi!" his dad said and hugged him. "I came to have some special bonding time with my favorite and only son!"

Suddenly, Satoshi blacked out.

Um…

Dun, dun, dun!


	20. The Halloween Chapter

**A Halloween chapter… of sorts. I know it's late for this sort of thing. Bear with me, people.**

**It also appears that Daisuke's birth date is unknown (I couldn't find it, anyway), so I'm giving him a September b-day. Right now, it should be around October in Daisuke's Home Town.**

Daisuke, Takeshi and Mio gathered around a small campfire they'd managed to make by using the already flaming train tires.

"It's dark," said Mio, staring up at the sky.

"Yes, I know," Takeshi said coldly. Mio was clinging to him yet again and, after several failed attempts, had given up trying to pry her off him self.

"I wonder if the train had any food on it," Daisuke said, looking towards it.

"I doubt it. I know, let's eat Mio," Takeshi offered.

"Um… I don't think so." Daisuke sweat dropped; Takeshi was probably serious.

"What? What about Mio?" Mio said, staring up at her beloved Takeshi who chose to ignore her.

"Hey! Wait! I have a really good idea now!" Takeshi shouted after minutes of silence. "This is the perfect time to tell… scaaary stories!"

Wind whistled through the trees awkwardly.

"No. No, it isn't," Daisuke said, completely disagreeing.

"You know what?" Mio said, breaking the silence.

"Probably, but what?" Takeshi growled, in no mood for her.

"I had a puppy when I was little and it ran away into these woods," Mio started, "and one day, he got bit by a wolf and never came back! But some say they can still hear him howling at night, lonely and lost…"  
Mio trailed off and started whistling for effect.

"Mio, if you want to whistle for effect, you have to go _oooo-ooooh_ and not _I'm Gonna Be a Mighty King_," Takeshi said, trying once again to pull her off him and this time succeeding.

After a few more quiet moments had passed, a strange sound emitted from deep in the woods.

"It's just the wind," Daisuke said aloud, to reassure Mio who had a look of horror on her usually giddy face.

"IF YOU SAY THAT, WE ALL DIE!"

"Why did I have to get stuck here with _you_ guys?"

"Hi, I'm Mio Hio."

"… Uhn…"

* * *

"…toshi? Satoshi, are you awake?" 

Satoshi blinked and opened his eyes. He was still in the front hallway. His dad was standing over him.

"Oh. Hi, Dad." Satoshi stood up quickly. "I'm awake now. Want to see the house?"

"I… um… If you're sure you're okay," Satoshi's dad said blinking.

Satoshi walked about ten feet ahead of his dad.

_'Sooo… Why are you so upset your dad's here?" _Krad asked Satoshi.

_'I thought that would be painstakingly obvious. In case you haven't noticed, I haven't seen him in years.'_

_'Oh. No, I really haven't noticed.'_

_'One would think you'd be a bit more observant. But, since you're so ignorant, I guess I might as well tell you that he thinks I'm living here with someone besides my butler and cat.'_

_'But they're both gone now too.'_

_'Exactly. But he doesn't know that. He thinks I'm under the watchful care of someone else. Like I told him in all my e-mails. He also doesn't know that I have to sell this mansion that's been in our family for centuries to pay off that yacht fine from chapters nine and ten."_

_'You've been_lying_?!'_ Krad inner-shouted sarcastically.

_'Don't patronize me. I just have to convince my dad that everything's okay… or something.'_

"This is the study," Satoshi said, briskly pulling open a door.

"You still have the chair I bought you!" his dad said happily.

"Yeah… the one with the wings…" Satoshi muttered.

"Oh dear, what happened to this side?" Satoshi's dad observed, pointing at the top right part of the chair.

"Oh, well I couldn't find my fireplace and I was really hungry, so I pulled out the handy bag of marshmallows I keep in the top drawer and started roasting it over a candle, then I sort of bumped the table and it went flying and, um, well, yeah," Satoshi explained, stopping quickly as he saw the strange look on his dad's face.

"Didn't anyone tell you not to play with matches?" Satoshi dad said.

"Oh, yeah, of course. I'm disobedient. Sometimes." Satoshi grabbed his dad's arm. "This is a mansion, right? So we're not halfway done! Onward ho!"

_'I need to get to a phone. Fast,'_ Satoshi thought to Krad.

_'How come?'_

_'I need to make an important phone call…'_

_'Right now? Why?'_

_'I just do!'_

"This is the kitchen, feel free to help your self, I just remembered that the thing is burning so I have to go stop that now, bye!" Satoshi raced off to find his receiverless phone, which is called a cell or wireless phone by most normal people.

* * *

Meanwhile, our brave heroine Riku is pushing her way through the forest. She could not ride her bike through the thick foliage (I said foliage! _No one_ says foliage!), so instead she was using it to plow through tall grass, bushes, deer, small trees, and the like. 

"Man, Daisuke! How'd you get stuck out here anyway? You must be crazy!" Riku complained, attempting to push thru a rock as opposed to getting around it. After popping her front tire, she realized she had to choose the alternative. "Great. Now how am I supposed to get home? I really wanted to have some sushi… ugh."

Suddenly, a loud noise broke the somewhat stillness that made Riku girly scream, a rarely seen/heard event, until she realized it was just her receiverless phone going off. Riku answered, hoping it was Risa convincing her to come back and get out of the stupid forest that smell like wet dog and poisonous mushrooms.

"Hello? Oh, it's you," Riku answered rudely, not wanting to deal with anything at the moment. "You haven't called in a while, Satoshi. Are you still insane? … Yeah, I was kidding with you. _OF COURSE I'M NOT KIDDING WITH YOU, MISTER! _Now tell me what you want."

"Listen, don't be so snappy, but I need a really big favor from you."

Riku rolled her eyes. "I'm kind of busy right now-"

"Could I borrow your mom?"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Could I borrow your mom, please? Just for a little?"

"No! Are you crazy?" Riku shouted. "You can't borrow my mom!"

"How about your sister?" Satoshi pleaded.

"How much will you pay?" Riku asked.

"Pay? Um, I guess fifty dollars."

"Cool. Call my house, look under Harada. 'Kay, bye."

"Uh… Goodbye."

Riku hung up and continued her search.

* * *

"Daisuke, I swear that noise is getting louder," Takeshi said, worriedly. He pushed a sleeping Mio off him, as she had begun to drool on his shoulder. 

"Give it a rest. You're just like Satoshi, repeating things over and over again," Daisuke growled.

Takeshi looked pleased for the first time that night. "Me? I'm like Satoshi? Really?"

"If it'll make you shut up, then yes, you're like Satoshi."

Suddenly, the noise came again, as if it was right next to them.

"I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Takeshi shrieked, giving a girly scream, a commonly seen/heard event, and hugged Daisuke nervously.

"Heck, yeah you're gonna die! What the heck are you doing out here?!" Riku shouted, coming through the bushes.

"The ugly Harada! We're saved!" Takeshi raced up and hugged her.

" _'_The _ugly_Harada'?! Just how grateful are you anyway?!" Riku yelled, now her turn to pull of Takeshi.

"You… You're his… girlfriend?" Mio approached, eyes glinting like aluminum foil in the sunlight.

"Heck no. He's all yours," Riku said, ending any future hatred then and there.

"Why were you howling?" Daisuke asked.

"Isn't anyone gonna say thank you?!" Riku threw out her arms, flinging her bike into a bush, where it blew up from all the damage it had gone through over the past twenty chapters.

"I wasn't howling," she continued. "But I did scream once."

Where the bike had exploded, a big, black something crept out with shining red eyes and glinting white fangs.

Riku and Daisuke screamed, and Takeshi girl-screamed. Mio, however, burst into a grin.

"Leo! You've come back!" she said, racing up to the frothing wolf-like creature.

"Um… Leo?" Daisuke asked.

"My puppy! I told you he ran away! Now he's come home!" Mio hugged him, allowing the rabid creature to lick her.

"No wonder he ran away. You gave him your rabies," Takeshi growled; Mio pulled him forward.

"This is Takeshi. No! He's not a chew toy!"

"Daisuke! Help me! It's doing the 'whipped cream' thing!"

"Leo Hio and Mio Hio…" Daisuke shook his head. "Thanks for coming, Riku."

"Holy halibut, it's about time." She shook her head. "I have sushi at home! I'm so hungry. But I bet Risa ate it all."

* * *

"I'm sorry about that, Dad. I thought Jingle Bells ran away a long time ago," Satoshi apologized as he drove his father to the hospital. 

"Um… I don't remember Jingle Bells being so… exacerbated," his dad replied, sweat dropping. "You're positive your cat doesn't have any infectious diseases."

Satoshi blinked. "When did I say I was sure of that?"

His dad groaned, staring at his bleeding arm.

_'Well, thank God I won't need Risa to come.'_

_'Yeah, you really lucked out.'_

_'All's well that ends well, I guess.'_

_'If all's well that end's well, you still haven't told your dad you live alone, need to sell the house, have to pay his hospital bill and his arm is bleeding all over your leather seat, then yes. All's well that ends well.'_

Satoshi and his father groaned in unison.

* * *

"Dad, are you okay?" Daisuke asked, coming in and seeing his father looking rather bedraggled. 

His dad approached, zombie-like, and put his hands on Daisuke's shoulders without looking in his eyes.

"Never forget to buy Halloween candy on Halloween," he muttered before falling over.

As usual, the chapter ends with a shared unhappiness. I didn't particularly like this chapter, which is a shame because it's the 20th, but I'm looking forward to the next few.

I'm losing readers... Oh well, it still serves as amusement to my friends and sister, so that's good enough for me. :) Happy Thanksgiving, all!


	21. Hot Springs Adventure, Part 1

Daisuke walked to the train, as he did every morning, doing various good deeds on the way. Finally, no one seemed to really care about Dark anymore, except for a couple of police, Takeshi and, of course, Risa, but the lack in fans put him in a good mood. Even the Dark fan girls had slowly diminished; either they had moved on or Risa had all threatened them, one of the two.

While his missions to the art museum were decreasing (an art museum can only have so many possessed objects), Daisuke still had one thing on his mind: the suspicious letter he had gotten from Adonis this morning asking him to go to his hot springs.

"Doesn't he seem sort of suspicious?" Daisuke asked his mom during breakfast.

"Well… maybe. But you are Dark. You can handle it, my little bowl of syrup!" his mom replied. "Go and have some fun! And make some friends besides Takeshi. Please. I don't want to put you into counseling again."

Daisuke decided he would have to accept the invitation, for his own sake.

Takeshi caught up to Daisuke. "Hey, dude," said Takeshi, holding up an envelope in his face, "Look what I got in the mail!"

"A letter from Donis; I got one too," Daisuke replied.

Takeshi looked crestfallen as he stared back at the pink frilly stationary. "I thought it was from a girl…"

"It could have been from Mio."

Takeshi shuddered. "So you already opened yours then? I though we'd open it together…"

"Uh… together?"

"You know. Like a candy bar."

"It's just asking you to go to his hot springs that he apparently owns because he's filthy rich," Daisuke said with a shrug, "I guess I'm going."

"I guess I'll go too then," Takeshi decided. "Hot springs are always fun."

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiii, Iiiiiiiimmmmmmmmm Mmmmmmmmmiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiooooooooo Haaa-Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiooooooooooo," Mio Hio stated happily.

"I see we have a new way of talking today," Daisuke stated flatly.

"Yeah," Mio said, abandoning the idea entirely. "Do you two know what a toh sa-ga-na-irps is?"

"You mean hot springs?"

"Oh no, not you too!" Takeshi cried. "Oh, why would Donis invite _her_? He barely knows her!"

"Good morning, chaps! Did you receive my hot springs invitations?" Donis asked merrily, as he always did.

"Yeah, I'll go," Daisuke answered.

"Splendid! What about you, short one?"  
Takeshi blinked, realizing he was short by Donis' standards. "Uh, I'll go… that is if _Mio_ doesn't!"

"Well, why ever not?" Donis asked confused about why anyone wouldn't want a girl to come on vacation.

"Because she's in love with me!" Takeshi said through gritted teeth.

"Is she in love with me too?" Donis said excitedly.

"I don't know! But who cares? I don't love her!" Takeshi shouted.

"I don't like your friend very much," Donis whispered to Daisuke, who nodded in agreement.

"Hi, I'm Mio Hio," Mio said, approaching Donis.

"Hello, there! Will you come to my hot springs with us?" Donis asked happily.

"I'm good at swimming," Mio stated flatly.

"How wonderful!"

"What's wonderful?" Mio asked, surprised.

"Why, that you can swim, of course!" Donis grinned.

"I can't swim," Mio said, shaking her head.

Donis didn't know what to say; he'd never had such difficulty conversing with a girl before.

The train pulled up then and the all got on- all except Mio.

"Are you coming?" Daisuke called.

Mio shook her head. "I can't drive it."

"But we have to-"

"Okay! Stay there! Bye!" Takeshi shouted as the doors closed.

"That was harsh, dude."

"I care not."

"I wash my hands of you, Takeshi! What a horrible thing to do!" Donis turned away from Takeshi.

"Yeah… whatever."

"Hey! I don't know you! What are you thinking inviting us to your hot springs for, you sketchball?!" Riku shouted, marching up to Donis huffily.

"I always like Daisuke's friends! Except Takeshi," Donis said haughtily.

"Yeah, well, I don't want to go," Riku said, handing back her invitation.

"I do! I do! I love hot springs!" Risa mega-squealed, racing up. "When do we leave?"

"Tomorrow after school," Donis said happily.

"Yay! I'm so uber excited!" Risa danced around in a circle. "Now _you_ have to spend the weekend helping dad clean underneath all the furniture!"

"Ugh… fine, I'll go anyway." Riku growled, "But you'd better not be some creepy… pervert guy."

"I came to your house once, why do you hate me so much?" Donis asked unhappily.

"You're… you're just a _suspicious character_."

"I couldn't agree more," Daisuke mumbled.

* * *

At tomorrow after school, a big Greyhound bus pulled up and Donis raced up. 

"Come one everyone, it's two hours till we get there!" he shouted and raced inside to take his favorite spot in the front.

"This trip is such a waste of a weekend. But I guess cleaning is too," Riku said. "The two options both suck. Ah, great."

"I wanna sit with Takeshi!" Mio leapt up and hugged her favorite person.

"Help me," Takeshi choked through his strangled hug.

"Uh, you can sit next to Riku," Daisuke said, unlatching Mio from him.

"Wait… what? What did you say?" Riku turned around.

"I'm sure you two will get along great."

"HEY! NO WE WON'T! DAISUKE!"

"Thank you…" Takeshi sighed, rubbing his shoulders.

"Yeah, you'd better be thankful. Riku's gonna kill me when we get there."

* * *

So they got there. And Riku killed Daisuke. 

"This place is really big," Mio observed. For once, everyone else agreed with her. Donis skipped forward.

"Dude… you just skipped," Takeshi observed.

To which Donis replied, "Yes. It was a manly skip!"

"But a skip nonetheless."

"Well anyway... Please go inside and pick whatever room that you want!" They all raced in like a bunch of sugar-high children.

"We're sharing a room!" Riku said, grabbing her sister's arm; the bus ride with Mio had apparently not gone very well. Risa was yanked after her before she could comment.

"Us too, dude! Come on, this one near entrance in case we need to run away!" Takeshi ran into the first room.

"Well, I get the master bedroom by myself, of course," Donis laughed to himself and walked away.

Mio peered into the room the Harada sisters shared. "Can I stay with you two?"

"Uh…" Riku started, not wanting to be overly rude.

"No," said Risa, who didn't care if she was overly rude.

"Waaah, you made the Mio cry." Mio walked away to go sleep behind a bush in the hallway.

* * *

"Cannonball!" Takeshi shouted, racing forward and jumping into it. 

"Takeshi! You can't do that, it's rude!" Daisuke said, walking forward.

Takeshi grinned. "So? Everyone left; now we have the whole thing to ourselves!"

"This place isn't exactly private, is it, Donis? I thought you said this was yours," Daisuke mumbled, side-glaring at Donis.

Donis smiled sheepishly. "I was hoping you wouldn't find out."

"The fact that it's a country club was obvious enough." Daisuke shook his head.

"Do you hear something?" Takeshi asked, swerving his head around. "It sounds like someone's trying to get in here… from the _other side_."

"You mean the girl's side. Don't talk about them like they're aliens."

"They practically are!"

"Why wouldn't they wouldn't they try to get in here?"

"Donis."

"I'm sorry."

* * *

"I wonder if she's going to keep doing that." 

"She seems pretty intent on plowing through there."

Risa and Riku watched as Mio walked slowly against the fence.

"Hey! Mio! What are you doing?" Riku shouted.

"Getting as close as I can to my Takeshi-kins," Mio stated. "But something is blocking me from my beloved."

"… I see." Risa dunked her head under the water, to look as if she didn't know her, only to realize it was really, really hot.

"Hey! You know who I saw in the lobby?" Risa said to her twin, once she had calmed down from her hurting face.

"Who? Dark?" Riku feigned over-enthusiasm.

"Ha, ha. No. Satoshi!"

Riku stopped smiling. "What? Is everyone coming here?"

"I guess. I saw some people from summer camp that we hated too, but I think they left after I filled there room with, um, never mind." Risa walked away to go point and laugh at Mio, thus saving herself from further interrogation.

* * *

"Hey, Daisuke, is that your cell phone playing the Chips Ahoy song?" 

"… It's not called that."

"Whatever."

Daisuke answered his phone to find his mother's voice on the other end.

"Hello? Oh, hey Mom-"

"Hellooo, Mrs. Niwa, how are you? … Well that's a shame. Hey! I haven't been to your house in while!... Oh, yeah, the restraining order… But I thought that expired… Okay, okay, here's your son." Takeshi sadly handed back the phone.

"What is it?" Daisuke asked, watching Takeshi beat himself over the head with a plastic rock.

"I just wanted to say that another possessed art thing is here! It's called the Horn of Neptune! But you'll have to find it yourself!"

"But Mo-om!"

"Don't Mo-om me, mister! You have a job! Bye-bye, my little centrifugal bumble puppy!"

"Mom! Don't- aww, man."

But then, at the sight of Satoshi, and the realization that his weekend just got worse, Daisuke dropped his cell phone in the water, where it shut off. Which didn't make his weekend any better.

**Each paragraph ending is kind of cruddy… I was sort of in a hurry to get this done. But anyway, do you know that centrifugal bumble puppy is actually a game? Like, for little kids? My sister saw it in a book she was reading. I don't know much else about it though.**


	22. Hot Springs Adventure, Part 2

**Hey! Not D.N.Angel has a scroll bar now! My, how it's grown! I'm so proud! (cries tears of happiness)**

**Also, if anyone can think of a better title for my story, let me know. I'll give you credit if you want it. I just think the title semi sucks. It's too explanatory. I need a bit more random. If it's explanatory, no one reads it. That's just the way it is.**

**If any of you actually read this stupid bolded paragraph at the beginning, send me a funny comment in all capitol letters with several exclamation points at the end of every sentence. It's just a strange poll that benefits for both of us, you see: you get to write a funny comment in all capitol letters with several exclamation points and I earn more comments. Happy holidays!**

"The doctor said that rest and relaxation was the perfect medicine for you, Dad," Satoshi said as cheerily as he could, steering his father onto the bed of their room. "Going to the hot springs will not only help your arm, it'll help your spirit! Right?"

"I certainly hope so," his father answered. "We can still spend some father-son time, at least."

"Uh, yeah. Later. I have stuff to do now." Satoshi ran off to do…um… stuff?

"Okay… I'll just sit here then…" Satoshi's dad sat there. He's not very important, so we'll let him fall asleep too.

* * *

The next morning at breakfast, a man in a tight security outfit approached Daisuke with a cardboard box in his hands. 

"_This_ came into the mail this morning," he said shortly, "With a message that said 'Just in case, pumpkin-buttons ', your name and ravenous animal noises coming from it.

"Wiz!" Daisuke shouted and tore open the package to find Wiz looking rather disgruntled, his usually adorable red eyes now a bonfire, his white hair on end.

"Good morning, Daisuke! Why did your mother send you your poorly-treated rabbit?" Donis asked, sitting down at the long Hogwarts-Great Hall-like tables. He was wearing a bright chartreuse beret.

"Um… his feet are lucky?" Daisuke tried, handing the 'Just in case' letter to Takeshi who rubbed the paper all over his smiling face.

"Is there a wolf that lives around here? I couldn't sleep at all last night because something outside our window was howling!" Riku complained.

"I slept like a baby!" Donis said merrily.

"Thanks for the sympathy," Riku muttered sarcastically. "Seriously, could you have it looked into or something?"

"I suppose, when I get around to it."

"Okay, whatever. Oooh! Beignets! No one knows what those are!" Riku grabbed on and stuffed it in her mouth, chugged a cup of tea down with it and swished it around her mouth.

"In a hurry for something?" Takeshi asked, looking up from Daisuke's mother's note for a second.

"Yeah. To get away from _you_ losers, of course. I don't want to catch your stupid, Takeshi." Riku stuffed a croissant in her mouth and walked away, chewing loudly.

"Here comes Mio," Daisuke warned. Takeshi's eyes widened and he ducked under the table, still clutching the note tightly.

"Hello, Miss Hio. How are we today?" Donis asked courteously.

"The Mio was up all night crying. They forgot to feed her, you see, so she spent the night howling until someone threw a book of fortune telling at her face," Mio answered dully. A book-shaped imprint on her made them believe her.

"Where is my beloved?" she asked, glancing around.

Donis subtly pointed under the table and Mio pulled up the tablecloth, for once taking the hint.

"Hello, my darling!" She grabbed Takeshi before he could protest.

"How could you?!" Takeshi managed to say through his strangled hug, shaking his fist at a chuckling Adonis.

"Mio made you something. Mio made you a special present," Mio said excitedly, bouncing up and down on her knees."See? It's a pinecone turkey. I made it out of leaves and pinecones."

"It looks like something died," Daisuke said, but Mio ignored him.

"I don't care. Leave me alone," Takeshi growled.

Mio stared at his hands. "What's that? What's that?"

Takeshi grinned insidiously. "It's a love note. From Daisuke's mom."

Mio twitched.

"Takeshi, I don't want her to murder my mom. Don't say that," Daisuke said, poking his honeydew melon with a spork.

Mio walked away, howling.

"Oh. There's our wolf." Takeshi grinned. "I hope that got rid of her."

"Not likely. She'll probably forget everything that happened."

Takeshi sighed. "I wish she'd forget _me_."

* * *

_So, are you gonna start looking for that trumpet thing anytime soon?_

_I don't know where to begin! _Daisuke thought to Dark. _This is a really big hot springs. Even if I reserved looking to only in the hot springs, it would take longer than the time I have. And I'd have to go to… the _other side.

_You mean the girl's side? You talk about them like they're aliens._

_They basically are._

_And Satoshi's here! How am I supposed to get anything done with him around? He's probably trying to be inconspicuous… and failing at it, as usual._

Daisuke sighed. Then he got an idea.

_I have an idea._

_I already know what it is and I'm just going to say, I completely disapprove!_

_You completely disapprove of everything I do._

_I didn't completely disapprove when you rode the motorcycle down the highway as fast as you could without a helmet._

_That never happened._

_Yeah, but it would be cool if it did._

_… Okay, you're not allowed to talk for a while._

_Darn._

And Daisuke went off to complete his plan.

* * *

Satoshi was in the hot springs. By himself. Completely alone. Except for Krad and his tropical drink with a little umbrella. He was deep in thought. His guess was that if Daisuke's friends were here, names unimportant in his mind, than surely Daisuke was here as well. But where? 

"Hey! Satoshi! What are _you_ doing here, old blue hair?" an unfortunately familiar voice called; Satoshi reflexively cringed.

"I'm just here with my dad," Satoshi muttered, wiping water off his glasses after they'd fallen in the water from his reflexive cringing. "What about you?"

"Can I meet your dad?" Takeshi asked, ignoring the question.

"Um… he's sick," Satoshi decided.

"Aw, that's too bad. I'm here with my friends. I'm hiding from one of the right now. There's this crazy girl following me named Mio Hio. She's so annoying. Hey? Satoshi? Where'd you go?" Takeshi looked around, but Satoshi was nowhere to be seen. He had run off to see if Daisuke was around.

"Ouch!"

Satoshi fell down rather nicely upon a fortuitous pillow. Daisuke, however, fell into a poinsettia bush.

"Satoshi!" Daisuke said, attempting to get up, but his butt was stuck and all he could do was sort of bend over and look like a turtle. "Why are you here? Not that's it bad or anything- I just wondered."

"As did I," Satoshi said, glasses flashing with his usually seen demeanor.

"… I have to go now," Daisuke said, waddling forward. He fell over again.

"That's proving hard," Satoshi stated flatly.

"I'm not even going to try to hint you to get this thing off me," Daisuke growled. But then he ran into a wall and it smashed to pieces.

"Tell me: why are you here?" Satoshi asked stiffly.

"Just here with friends. _What about you_?" Daisuke asked again.

"I'm here with my father. But enough beating around the bush. I know what you're really here for." Satoshi stared at Daisuke accusingly.

"Beating around the bush? I'm not beating around in bushes. The bushes aren't being beaten! The bushes are beating me! Literally!" Daisuke said nervously. "Look, I'd really love to talk some more but I have to, um, go make sure the thing isn't on fire."

Daisuke ran off. Satoshi blinked; maybe his strange tactics for getting out of awkward situations weren't as farfetched as he thought.

* * *

"They're coming! This time for sure!" Risa shouted suddenly. Riku stared at her and shook her head. 

"You keep telling me someone's coming. No one is coming, Risa. Give it a rest."

But then Daisuke burst in, which caused Risa to snap in Z-formation as her Pokemon cards worked once again.

"I need to talk to you, Riku! Now!" Daisuke shouted.

"I'm busy." Riku stared at the ceiling.

"With what?!"

"Ignoring you."

"This is important! Come on, you!" Daisuke grabbed her by her sleeve and yanked her out the door.

"I told you that too!" Risa yelled as the door slammed shut.

"Daisuke! Let me go! Honestly, this better be pretty darn good!" Riku looked as vicious as a wolverine; Daisuke almost chickened out, but tried to remain composed.

"Riku, you're the most sane of the group," Daisuke began.

Riku snorted. "I don't need you to tell me that. Is that all?"

"No. Here, come in to my room; Takeshi's off doing Takeshi things." Daisuke pulled her in.

"Stop pulling me! I have feet you know!" Riku folded her arms. "So, what's the ultra special thing you have to tell me about?"

Daisuke grabbed Wiz off his bed and, in front of Riku, exposed, uncensored, apparent and unconcealed, transformed into Dark.

"I need your help," he said to her. Riku blinked twice before going into a classic anime faint.

**Oh no! The secret is out! Surprise, surprise! What will happen next? You'll have to wait till chapter 23 to find out!  
Happy holidays! Again!**


	23. Too short to truly be a real chapter

**Daisukeismyboyfriend read the bolded part that no one reads in my last chapter! Don't you guys pay attention? Just kidding, I don't care that much; seriously, bolded parts only were invented so the author could talk about things that only pertain to themselves really. How selfish of me. I'm leaving for Florida, so there won't be any updates for at least a week. Sorry! Well, I have to go to bed soon (it's after eleven and I have to get up at six tomorrow), so here's a quick chapter to quench your thirst! Anyway, have a super happy new year full of joy and the like!**

**And thanks for all the nice comments! They really cheer me up! Yeah, I know, I sound cheesy, but it's true! Thank you!**

"…ku? Riku?"

Riku opened her eyes. Daisuke was standing over her, blinking awkwardly. She narrowed her eyes.

"Thanks for catching me," she muttered, sitting up slightly.

Daisuke frowned. "Is that all you can say? That's sort of uncool."

"I was just saying!"

"Well, Wiz cushioned your fall. Kind of. I tried putting him under your head."

Riku looked down; Wiz was glaring at her menacingly, eyes full of hatred for the boy who made him save someone he couldn't care less about, not to mention make him look less like Wiz and more like a latke (Latkes for Hanukah! Okay, it's too late for that).

"So… you're Dark? But why? I don't understand." Realization came over her. "_YOU KISSED ME IN CHAPTER TWO, YOU EGG BRAIN_!"

"That wasn't me! It was Dark!" Daisuke shouted in defense, not wishing to experience the wrath of Riku. "Please don't hurt me! Egg brain?"

"Well, then give Dark a mental slap for me," Riku said sarcastically. "But seriously, how are you Dark?"

"You're taking this into stride a lot better than I did," Daisuke noted. "It's quite a long story. Do you really want to hear it?"

"Yes," Riku said, folding her arms.

How annoying it would be to go through the whole the story again! So Daisuke told her the tale his mom told him, except with more detail and a little less obnoxiousness.

Riku nodded after hearing it. "My sister's completely obsessed with you."

"Really?" Daisuke grinned. "Obsessed like love or obsessed like creepy?"

"Uh… a little of both. Mostly creepy," she added and Daisuke's smile faded.

"What do you need my help with anyway?" she asked. "Aren't you evil? Aren't you a thief or something?"

"Were you paying attention at all? I steal art and take the bad spirits out of it!" Daisuke said. "I'm looking for something called the Horn of Neptune. This place is huge and I need your help finding it."

"Just one thing: when you turn back into Dark with your not rabbit, can I slap you?"

"Please do." Daisuke had wanted to slap Dark for a long time, but that would look kind of stupid and wouldn't really work, so he hadn't. "Let's synchronize our watches."

Riku raised an eyebrow. "Why? There's no point."

Daisuke rubbed the back of his neck. "I thought it might be fun…"

"You need to stop hanging out with Takeshi. You sound more and more like him every day."

"Please?" Daisuke flashed his rarely used Bambi eyes and clutched his hands together.

Riku shrugged, unable to say no. "Okay! Have it your way. I'll play you're little 'mib' game."

"It's Men in Black. MIB."

"Whatever." She and Daisuke stuck out there hands with the watches on them.

"Battle B-Daman? What are you, seven?" she asked him, noting the large-eyed chibis that danced around the middle of the clock face.

"Look, I wanted Transformers, but my mom got me this one, okay? Deal with it," Daisuke growled, feeling utterly un-macho.

So they synchronized their watches (Riku's was slow forty seven minutes) and ran off to search around the hot springs.

* * *

Satoshi drummed his fingers on the desk villainously. He had been doing this for hours and his once long fingernails were now little stubby things. 

"Please join me, Satoshi!" his dad said, bursting in. "They put in a water slide!"

"Father, please. I'm doing important things." Satoshi stared off distantly and his father, who is still quite useless, went off to do more water sliding.

_'Daisuke's just got to be Dark.'_

_'We don't know that, though,'_ Krad noted.

_'Shut up. Go do evil things.'_

_'I can't do anything evil. I already ate all your childhood memories and your memories now are things you want to forget, so there's really no villainliness in eating those.'_

_'Then go do nice things! Just leave me be. I must think.'_

And Satoshi continued to be an antisocial blue-haired guy who is thinking.


	24. In which 'suspicious' is said 7 times

**Sorry about the lack of updations for so long. I had finals. And unless I have a younger audience than I think I do, most of you have experience finals. You've at least experienced school and you all know how hard it can be. So that's what I've been up do. A little bit of dilly-dallying. But without further ado, enjoy chapter twenty four!**

Riku and Daisuke were searching left and right, up and down, high and low, salt and pepper. Riku was currently looking in the front lobby, where various guards were wondering if they should question why this strange girl was taking off their boots and shaking them out.

"Let's see… If I were a strange horn from the past, where would I hide?" Riku asked herself, stroking an invisible beard.

"That's an interesting question to ask your self!"

Riku jumped and turned around at the painfully familiar voice.

"Donis! You surprised me!" she said, her voice too high from shock.

"Well, I'm glad you confirmed that you don't just jump foolishly for no reason," Donis said merrily.

"You're going to have to leave now. I'm busy with something." Riku continued looking around the lobby. Donis ignored her, tailing after Riku.

"You wouldn't happen to be helping Daisuke, a.k.a. (Oh, I just love saying that!) Dark, look for some possessed, lost artifact by any chance?" he asked inquisitively.

Riku blinked. "Um… why was that so specific?"

"I'm quite the speculator," Donis replied with a shrug. "Well, I did already know that Daisuke was Dark."

Riku raised an eyebrow. "He honestly told you?"

"It's a bit of a long story and I'm sure no one wants to read it again, but to make it shorter, I'm one of the possessed 'things' that Daisuke was trying to find. But he spared me, because I'm such the charming type, if you will!" Donis laughed heartily.

"Uh," replied Riku dully.

"Is there any way I can be of assistance, then?" Donis asked, peering over her shoulder obnoxiously.

"Hmm…" Riku thought. "Have you seen anything suspicious lately?"

"Oh my, where to begin?" Donis sat himself down in a comfortable looking armchair. "Fan girls often bring strange things. I've met many bizarre fan girls, of course, but I don't dig into their lives if I know what's good for me. But besides that… let's see… Ah! I know just the thing. Get Daisuke for me and meet me back at the lobby, would you, Riku?"

"Uh… sure. But this better be worth it." Riku jabbed him in the nose, gave him a Draco Malfoy glare and walked off to find her short, red-haired accomplice.

* * *

"I think that's the first time I've ever seen a frog laugh to death," said Daisuke, coming out of the hot springs with Takeshi. 

"And that guy with one eye was weird. I feel bad for that guy who looked at it. He looked terrified," Takeshi added.

"Ever feel like you just went through three days of suffering?" the man said groggily, stumbling forward onto his face.

"… Anyway," Daisuke said, stepping over the unconscious man, "you haven't noticed anything suspicious, have you Takeshi?"

"Besides what we just saw? No. We suspicious people never pay attention to those things," Takeshi stated with a shrug. "Normal things seem to stand out more. Why?"

"Oh. No reason. Though your explanation did explain a lot," Daisuke answered, deep in thought of various ways to end their friendship. "Well, I have things to do, so I'd better get going. Could you feed Wiz for me?"

"Of course. Later, dude." Takeshi raced off to go pet Wiz, who was surely at one point handled by Daisuke's mother.

"Riku!" Daisuke shouted.

"There you are."

Daisuke jumped and turned around at the painfully familiar voice.

"Satoshi!" Daisuke gasped and tried to run. Satoshi grabbed him by his head with one hand, where Daisuke continued to run in place until he realized he wasn't actually going anywhere.

"Um, you're holding my head with one hand," Daisuke noted, wondering if perhaps Satoshi should be in a basketball anime.

"How astute of you. Come with me." Satoshi started to pull Daisuke away.

"Wait! Riku needs to see me!" Daisuke yelled, digging his fingernails into the wall to slow them down.

"I don't care."

"You should, as it means certain death for us both!"

Satoshi contemplated this matter. "Very well. You may go see her. But just to make sure you'll come back shortly…" Satoshi took a small, black bean-shaped object out of his pocket and jammed it into Daisuke's ear.

"Ow, what is that?" Daisuke asked, rubbing his ear.

"A tracking device. No suspicious character's pocket is complete without one." Satoshi glanced at watch. "You'll be back in five minutes. Let's synchronize watches."

"At least you understand," Daisuke muttered.

"Ooh. Battle B-Daman. Not a bad choice. I prefer Dragon Ball Z." Satoshi nodded at his own coolarity.

"I see you liked Piccolo."

"I really like the abnormal features. Hence my blue hair."

"Oh. Of course."

"You're wasting your five minutes, though. You'd better scamper off then."

"Oh. Bye."

So off Daisuke scampered, at a loss of what he should do about the tracking device.

* * *

"Daisuke! There you are! Donis has something important to tell us!" Riku shouted as Daisuke came into view. 

Daisuke blinked. "Donis has something important tell us?"

"Yeah! Come on!" Riku grabbed his hand.

"No, I mean _Donis_?"

"Ah. Yeah, I know. He knew you were Dark? Never mind. Let's go, he's waiting!" Riku tried to pull harder, but Daisuke seemed glued to the floor.

"Why are you being such a Difficult Delilah?" Riku said, putting her hands on her hips angrily.

"I have a tracking device in my ear. Satoshi put it in there for some reason. He wanted to talk to me," Daisuke said with a shrug. "I only have five minutes or I'm in trouble. I guess. Delilah?"

"Sucks to Satoshi. Here." Riku used chopsticks to, rather painfully, remove the device from Daisuke's ear. "There. How was that?"

"Please don't become a surgeon," Daisuke cried, tears streaming down his face.

"Shut up. Come on," Riku said for about the hundredth time and this time they really did go see Donis.

* * *

"I think I've found what you're looking for!" Donis exclaimed in his usual chipper way. "I have a possessed horn in my room!" 

"The Horn of Neptune! That's it!" Daisuke grinned.

"That was easy," Riku noted, sounding very much like one of those easy buttons you press when you complete something that almost always is not something that was easy at all.

"How do you know it's possessed?" Daisuke had to ask. It might just be pink or something, which would be quite the time waster.

"I got the room for free because people thought it was inhabited with spirits and no one would go in there!" Donis thrusted his index finger into the air.

"And…?" Riku waved her hand to get him to continue.

"Ah, yes. It's possessed because it plays such beautiful songs at night," Donis answered. "Of course, it only plays nice songs for me. It usually plays high-pitched notes that annoy people to the point of dementia."

"What's dementia?" Daisuke asked nervously.

"Why, insanity," Donis said wholeheartedly. He took a convenient cup of tea out of his pocket and took a dainty sip.

Daisuke and Riku looked at each other, wondering how they would do in this situation.

* * *

"How did he get it out?! It's near impossible!" Satoshi yelled in confusion at the removed tracking device on the floor of the lobby. 

"Hi, Satoshi!" said Takeshi.

"Of course," Satoshi said, slapping himself in the forehead.

"Your dad is really cool! He told me a bunch of stories about when you were little!" Takeshi shouted.

"Father?" Satoshi asked darkly.

"He bought me an ice cream," Mr. Hiwatari (first time I called him that) answered sheepishly.

"I don't care! I'm a suspicious character! MY SUSPICIOUSNESS MUST NOT BE DIVULGED TO THE WORLD!!!" Satoshi rambled. "Takeshi. Do not a repeat a word of what my father has told you."

"Right on, Serge," Takeshi saluted. "And in return, you'll get me Daisuke's mom's phone number? I usually wouldn't ask, but they've changed it seven times and it's no longer registered in most local phone books, so…"

"Yes. Whatever." And with that, Satoshi left with a suspicious turn of his heel.


	25. Chief Saehara Are Smart

**Gasp! Two chapters in the same week? It's like Christmas in July! (Is there one for Hannukah?)**

**So, a little after I posted the first chapter, I sort of wanted to watch an episode of this D.N.Angel anime. I've only seen a couple Japanese ones. They're not that great, really. So I set out to see how much worse the American dubs are and found the closest thing I could to episode one, which just happened to be episode twelve.**

**Wow. I wanted to cry.**

**It was so bad. The translated voices had almost no personality. Mio is so different from the idiotic, happy-go-lucky character I had invented in my head, so it was very strange. Dare I say it, but I'd have to place it lower than Bobobo-Bo Bo-Bobo! Okay, so it doesn't get much lower than that. But it was pretty sad. The anime is, according to my sister, different from the books. What sort of father comes back after twelve years of no writing, calling, anything, and expects his family to accept him like nothing happened? What's even worse: they all do! Even Daisuke! His dad already tried to do a lame father-son thing. The good thing that came out of this is that I have great idea for a chapter now. It's not this chapter, but hopefully twenty six.**

**Hey! Thanks for reading! You get a virtual pat on the back!**

In a secret room, in a secret place, not so very far, far away, Takeshi's father, more commonly known as Chief Saehara, head of the police department, and various other police officials were discussing matters about capturing Dark.

"Well, sir, we looked into the elite organization you wanted us to hire to help us in our search," one of them said, stepping forward nervously.

"So then, what did they say?" Takeshi's father inquired.

"I don't think Team Rocket is on the side of justice," he answered, his head lowering.

Chief Saehara was angry. "This is horrible!" He took a flower pot from a nearby table and played mama-had-a-baby-and-it's-head-popped-off until there were no more flowers left. Then he pounded his fist on the table to startle all the policemen. And he did, which sort of made him happy. "We need some help."

Saehara began pacing back and forth. "We need someone with brains."

The police men drew back. "O-Of course, sir."

"We need someone tricky."

The policemen nodded. "Yes. Definitely!"

He stopped. "We need L."

The policemen blinked and exchanged confused glances.

"Your right, no one actually knows who he is." Saehara stared at the wall distantly. Then he snapped his fingers. "Ah! I have it! I'm a genius! A handsome genius!"

"What is it, Chief?" the policemen asked, feigning excitement.

"Let me tell you! You will simply love my plan!" And so he told them, in secretive whispers. As the author, I have the unfortunate task of letting you know that when people whisper in stories, and they are secretive whispers, I'm not supposed to tell you what they're saying. It creates an atmosphere of dramatic tension. You'll thank me later.

The policemen drew back when his secret whispering was done.

"Brilliant, Chief!"

"Yes, bravo!"

Though if they actually thought his plan was brilliant and bravo, we will never know. For telling a white lie was often safer than the truth around Chief Saehara.

* * *

Riku, Daisuke and Adonis peeked into the master bedroom. 

"Holy crud, Donis, your room is huge," Riku said, stepping inside.

"Thank you!" Donis grinned as he put a tablecloth on a nearby table, lighting a bunch of a candles and spreading out a feast.

"Um, what are you doing?" Daisuke asked, narrowing an eye.

"Well, I thought I'd entertain Miss Riku while you go look for your silly possessed instrument." He pulled out a chair for Riku. She was about to sit down, but he stuck it back under the table and she sat on nothing. "If you really don't want to, though, I suppose we could search around together."

"Ow…" owed Riku, who had fallen in a poinsettia bush.

"Here it is, right above my bed." Donis gestured to the rather obvious Horn of Neptune on the wall. "But I must warn you-" Donis' eyes grew very dark "-if you so much as touch it, the possessed spirit inside will go on a rampage!" He squealed. "I'm sorry. Your fate is sort of funny to me, really."

"Yeah, I'm all a-twitter," Daisuke muttered sarcastically.

"Good luck, Daisuke," Riku encouraged, pushing him forward.

Daisuke sighed and transformed into Dark.

"Ooh, your purple-haired alter ego! I've had yet to see him," Donis said ecstatically.

"He's not really that special, huh?" Daisuke said.

"No. He's like you if you were pretty!" he answered truthfully.

"Why, thank you," Dark said in his usual suave manor, tossing his head to the side to get the bangs out of his face. Unfortunately, he hit the bed post.

"You have really tall bed posts, dude," Dark muttered, rubbing his head.

Donis grinned, unsure if that was something he should thank him for saying.

Dark rolled up his sleeves for no reason, which isn't really possible because he doesn't have sleeves. "Well… here it goes."

He jumped on top of Adonis' bed, which was rather bouncy and almost tempting, to reach the horn. His hands shook before it.

_'Dark… are you… dare I say it… _nervous_?'_ Daisuke said obnoxiously in Dark's head.

"Shut up!" Dark shouted.

"Uh, who are you talking to?" Riku asked. She wondered if the presence of the horn was enough to make you crazy.

"Never mind!" Dark gritted his teeth and grabbed the horn, preparing himself for the worst.

But nothing happened.

"Maybe the spirit left," Riku suggested.

"Try shaking it," Donis suggested.

Dark somehow doubted that either idea was helpful. Perhaps the spirit was lurking in the deep shadows in the corners of the room, waiting to strike at just the right moment…

"Adonis, where is he?" Dark asked impatiently.

"Mm… oh! _Oh!_ I remember now! Yes, he said tonight he was busy with some sort of a cooking competition today. I didn't really understand, but it sounded rather important," Donis explained. "Your timing couldn't have been more impeccable!"

"I feel so useless." Dark sighed dramatically.

"'Adonis?'" Riku asked. "What's with the extra syllable?"

"That's my real name! I took away the 'A' so my girlfriend and many admirers don't find out I'm actually the spirit of a statue." Donis winked.

"Yeah. That's really suspicious." Riku turned to Dark. "Oh, that's right. I have something for you."

"What is it, miss?" Dark said, approaching her. Riku slapped him in the face with a giant Temari fan.

"_Owwwww_!" Dark whined, his eyes large and pitiful.

"That's for kissing me in chapter two!" Riku laughed maniacally. "I was waiting for that for a long time."

"Ooh! This is exciting! I just love watching the plot thicken!" Donis exclaimed, shaking his hands girlishly with excitement.

"No one ever says thank you…" Dark muttered, rubbing his face before transforming back into Daisuke.

"Well, I'm going to wake up now." Riku stretched. "Bye, then."

Daisuke and Adonis looked at each other.

"What?" Daisuke asked.

"Well, duh. This is obviously a dream." She looked at them. "A very realistic dream, but a dream at that. Why do you two look so nervous?"

"I can't believe your playing the This-Is-All-A-Dream Card," Daisuke stated flatly.

Riku looked nervous now. "But… everything is so weird…"

"Oh, tell me about it," Daisuke said. "But seriously, you're not dreaming."

Riku looked at Donis, who was nodding with a smile that showed he could hardly contain his delight. She stared for a few more seconds, looking between her two classmates, and then raced out of the door, shouting for her sister.

"This is a problem," Daisuke noted.

"But more interesting than 'All My Children'," Donis squealed.

"Ah, well. We'd better go find her." Daisuke sighed and left the room.

* * *

"Risa! Risa!" Riku cried. She opened the door to their room. "Risaaaa!" 

"I'm right here, Older Harada. What's up?" she asked through a mouthful of Pocky.

"Daisuke is Dark! He is, I just saw it!" Riku yelled.

Risa shook her head.

"You think I'm crazy, right?" Riku asked, drooping.

Risa shook her head again, smiling. "I can't believe it took you that long."

"Beg your pardon?" Riku said, blinking.

"Didn't I tell you my Pokemon cards know everything? If you'd just trusted me-"

Risa stopped short as Riku went down on her knees begging, "Teach me your waaaaaaaaayssss…"

Risa beamed. "Excellent. But first… get me more Pocky."

* * *

_'This costs more than I thought,'_ Satoshi thought to Krad, paying the front desk guy. _'How am I supposed to pay off the fine from the yacht this way?'_

_'You could always be on the lam.'_

_'Please, Krad. I'm not like you.'_

_'If you were then maybe we'd meet women.'_

_'Yeah. Women in orange jumpsuits,'_ Satoshi answered sarcastically.

Krad mentally raised an eyebrow. _'We're going to meet female Naruto cosplayers?'_

Satoshi smiled evilly. _'Never you mind, Krad. But I just got a call from the Police Chief, Saehara. Now we're going to capture Dark- once and for all.'_

**Oh noes! What will Daisuke and Dark do now? Chapter twenty six is next!**


	26. Luckland is having a Drought

**Ah, schoolwork. And sick month. That's all I have to say about what's up. Also, because of my negligence to update sooner, I'll write again tomorrow! I'll write as often as possible, but possible doesn't always happen. And my promises often drown... Excuse me for that. **

After his father had been dropped off at the airport, the hired limousine service took Satoshi to his mansion. There was a big sign that said 'To Be Destroyed: March 15' and right now it was late November. For the time being, Satoshi ignored it and walked into his house.

The phone was ringing. This was mysterious and Satoshi wondered who could possibly be calling him until he realized he should probably answer it.

"H-Hello?" he stammered, because he'd had to run down the lengthy hallway to get to it.

A deep masculine voice answered. "Hello. This is, um, Mr. W from the DHTPD. Are you Mr. Hiwatari?"

Satoshi froze up. "DHTPD? The Dasiuke's Home Town Police Department?!"

"That is correct."

Satoshi gulped. "I… I know I'm late on that debt for the yacht on the lake, but I've just been extremely-"

"Mr. Hiwatari, we can forget that this whole yacht business ever happened if you do the police force a favor."

Satoshi couldn't believe his awesome luck. "Really? Well, sure; I mean, what's the favor?"

"From what I hear, you are extremely smart," the mysterious police officer began.

"I can't think of any other reason my dad framed all my grade sheets," Satoshi answered unmodestly.

"Great. Super great. Super _bien_ great. Okay, so here's what we're going to do. We're going to make this all Death Note-y and make you join our police force in finding Dark. As long as that's cool with you."

"Uh…" Satoshi was happy or at least as close to happy as someone who's never been happy can be. Not only was he worming his way out of the debt he had to pay sixteen chapters ago, but now he may actually get paid to do what he had been trying to do for the entire story: find Dark and defeat him.

"Absolutely!" he shouted.

"Well, there goes my eardrum. I mean, since your house is gone, we'll be providing a place for you to stay. Follow my directions and you should find the hidden base in which you will be staying with the police chief's wife and children."

"Yes! Yes, of course!" Satoshi said with more enthusiasm than he thought possible. He wrote down the directions on his quote-a-day calendar ("What is today but yesterday's tomorrow?") and called the limousine service again to give him a ride to the address.

* * *

Daisuke, Donis, Risa and Riku arrived at Daisuke's house after dropping Takeshi and Mio off at some corner to walk home or die. Before he opened the door, Daisuke turned to his friends. 

"Okay, there's some things I should probably tell you before we go in," Daisuke began.

"Wow! You live in the house of a commoner?!" Donis said excitedly, clapping his hands together enthusiastically at the prospect of visiting such a place.

Daisuke blinked and narrowed his eyes. "We're not poor, you know. My dad practically dedicates himself to the office." He didn't explain that this was because his dad didn't like being around his grandpa.

"But your house is so small. How do you breathe?" Donis asked, fear becoming apparent in his voice. Daisuke chose to ignore his overdramatic friend.

"First off," he explained, "don't eat anything my mom offers you. If you're hungry for lunch, I have a padlocked mini fridge in my room that we could get some pizza out of. Secondly, don't follow me down the hallway. It could put your life in danger. Do these things and you'll probably be fine."

"'Probably'?! What they heck is this?!" Riku shouted.

"Shh. You're interrupting my Zen state of mind," Risa said, who was listening to German rap music on her iPod.

"Erm… just trust me on this, please. I promise, we'll explain everything about Dark to you," Daisuke muttered.

So they went inside and put down their bags. Daisuke took an umbrella from the rack and began touching the spaces in front of him.

"What are you doing?" Riku asked.

"Uh, it's just a caution. I doubt my mom-" Suddenly, a huge hole appeared and Daisuke fell into it.

"Daisuke!" they all shouted, except Risa who had taken out her Pokemon cards and was shaking her head at their inability to predict the future.

"It's alright! I'm okay!" he shouted up to them. "She didn't put the crocodiles in here this time! Don't worry, here I come!"  
Donis and Riku exchanged nervous glances.

Daisuke jumped up the walls, ninja-style, and out. "I'm sorry; I guess I'm out of practice. Mom hasn't sprung one of those on me in a while, but you can never be too careful-"

"What sort of mom do you _have_?!" Riku was spazzing majorly.

"Uh… the wrong kind?" Daisuke offered.

Daisuke went to the kitchen door; a large sign hung from it that said, "Welcome Home from the Hot Springs, Daisuke!" Daisuke broke down the door again.

"Hang on one second!" he called to his friends and went inside.

"**MOM**!" Daisuke yelled angrily. "Why'd you turn on the traps?!"

"Hi, Butterbunny!" She raced in and enveloped him in a bone-breaking hug. "I missed you so! It's great to see you, my little spoon full of sugar!"

"That's enough of that. Why'd you turn on the traps?" Daisuke was pushing with all his might, but his mother's hug was equal to that of a giant lumberjack.

"You never know when you may need practice again!" his mom explained, finally releasing Daisuke, his middle looking rather like an accordion.

"Come on, Mom. Don't do that." Daisuke pressed the Trap Button and they turned off. "Also, I have friends over now, so don't do anything to embarrass me! Just call me Daisuke."

Daisuke's mom turned around slowly. "F-Friends? You mean... someone else besides Takeshi?"

"Mom, I have other friends, you know-"

"Daisuke! I'm so happy!" Daisuke narrowly avoided another killer hug and raced back into the hallway.

"Erm… you can come in now…" he muttered. "You can just leave your bags there."

Nervously, the three walked forward. Accept for Risa wasn't nervous, who was still listening to her iPod and was totally Zen-ified.

"Mom, this is Riku, Risa and Donis," Daisuke said, gesturing to them. "Donis is the spirit I didn't kill. And you won't either," he added, emphasizing the last sentence.

"Daisuke, you trust me now!" Donis grinned.

Daisuke's mom narrowed her eyes. "I don't know if I do though."

"You should. I have wonderful manners," Donis explained.

"Don't you have, like, fifty girlfriends though?" Riku asked.

"What? No, don't be silly! Ayaka is my only love. Speaking of which, she's calling me right now." Donis took out his cherry red cell phone and opened it. "Oh! She's sent me a picture of her! She sure looks happy. I'm so happy for her! I should tell her so." Donis adjusted his Bichon Frisé white beret and set to work texting.

"I couldn't help but notice that was a picture of her surrounded by other guys," Riku stated. "Doesn't this worry you?"

"Why should it? Ayaka and I trust each other!" Donis beamed.

"Perhaps… too much…" Riku shook her head.

"Daisuke! Daisuke!" Kosuke, Daisuke's dad who we're going to call Kosuke from now on because he's not around enough to earn that role, but when he is we'll start calling him Daisuke's dad again.

"What's up, Dad?" Well, maybe Daisuke thinks that way, but that's because… eh… my attention span ran out.

"Daisuke!" he shouted again.

"That's my name," Daisuke said.

"I got you this!" His biological dad grinned, holding up a cheap necklace. Daisuke raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, why?" he asked.

Kosuke's exuberance fell. "Don't you like it?"

"Er, sure, but why did you buy it for me?" Daisuke asked.

"You have a weird family," Risa didn't whisper.

"Thank you!" Daisuke's mom grinned and went off to make some poisonous hot chocolate to see how smart Daisuke's friends were.

"I bought it because I thought as a father and son who never see each other, we should at least try to keep up some sort of deranged relationship," he explained.

Daisuke looked away and asked himself/Dark, "Is it even worth a shot?"

"I hope you say yes, because this cost me seventeen dollars," Kosuke pleaded.

Daisuke sighed. "Okay, I'll wear the stupid thing."

"Hooray!" Kosuke put on one that looked exactly the same way.

"I have a good idea: let's got to my room," Daisuke said through gritted teeth and so they followed him before Gran-dude could do something to embarrass him further.

* * *

"This must be the address," said Satoshi, staring at the plain small house. _'It's small, but rich people can't be beggars.'_

_'That sounded really self-centered,' Light cut in.  
_

_'I am really self-centered. I'm being true to my personal flaws.'_

_'Uh, whatever dude, I don't give a woof.'_

Satoshi hesitated at the door. _'You 'don't give a woof'?'_

Krad mentally shrugged. _'This is a K fic, right?'_

Satoshi sighed, "Why me?" and then rang the doorbell. Someone opened the door and Satoshi could actually feel any ounce of happiness drain out of him.

"Satoshi!" gasped Takeshi. "W… You're at me house!"

"No, I'm leaving-"

"My dad said someone was coming, but I didn't know it was you! Oh, wow! Mom's making a delicious dinner, I hope you like Chef Boyardee- Here, come on, I'll show you your room! Oh, this is so exciting!" Takeshi did a Risa-squeal and a Sakura jump as he dragged the reluctant Satoshi inside.

"Your dad… is the chief head of police," Satoshi mumbled monotonously.

"Yeah! Amongst other things. Didn't I mention this?" Takeshi said. "Ah, I'm sorry! I can't expect you to remember everything. Well, here's your room! Hey, you don't look so good."

"I'm _fine_," Satoshi said through gritted teeth, cursing his fate with every particle of his being.

_'Oh-ho! Your karma ran over you dogma, along with nine busmas and a trainma!'_ Krad thought to Satoshi with a laugh.

_'I can't believe this is happening.'_ Satoshi began beating himself with the tableside lamp.

"No! Don't hurt yourself!" Takeshi shrieked.

"Relax, I always do this." Between each hit, Satoshi muttered a discouraging word until Takeshi felt obliged to leave.

* * *

After a not so gourmet dinner of one-cheese tortellini, with the interesting show of watching Takeshi and Wendy fight over the last of the Purple Flurp, Satoshi was called by head of police, Chief Saehara. 

"This is our plan," he said, sitting across from Satoshi at a table that was about half a block long. It was so long that they were using walkie-talkies to communicate with each other.

"Well, let's hear it," said Satoshi, who thus far thought all of this was completely ridiculous.

"We'll need a van."

"A van?" Satoshi asked.

"That will be the trap."

"And then what?" Satoshi asked.

"And then we close the doors and we ship him away to a jail, of course!" Chief Saehara laughed as if it were extremely brilliant.

"How do you plan on getting him into the van?" Satoshi asked.

"I figured eventually curiosity would get the best of him and he would try to find out why there was a van in the middle of the museum-"

"No, that's stupid," said Satoshi.

"Ahem," said Chief Saehara.

"Yes?" said Satoshi.

"Who has a 'Chief' before their last name?" said Chief Saehara.

"You do," Satoshi sighed.

"Exacatacally." Chief Saehara grinned. "So we'll follow through."

Satoshi blinked. "No offense, but Dark isn't really that stupid. If he was, we would have caught him by this point."

"Can _you_ think of anything better?" he asked.

"Yes, actually. A much better plan with few staff involved. And we still get to use the van."

"Oh, goody!" Chief Saehara pressed his ear to the walkie-talkie.

Once again, I'm going to have to cut the story off as it is and leave you to dangle on what this van-plan could possibly be.


	27. Deception, Defeat and a Shiny Truck

**I probably would have slept in later than 8:30, but neighbor woke me up. She was screaming at her dogs… again. It's creepy. She likes to swear at them. They run away a lot. Sometimes I wonder if her dogs **_**want**_** to get away. Like, far away. Hmm. A mystery.**

**Anyway, I just watched some abridged episodes of Saiyuki and it really gets you in the mood for writing something funny, so here's chapter 27!**

… **There hasn't been a review in a month? Have I lost my readers? Oh dear.**

"You know, Risa," said Riku, eating a slice of pizza they had heated up in Daisuke's room, "I really wish you'd told me that you knew Daisuke was Dark."

"Why would I tell you?" Risa said. "After all, I'm trying to keep people away from Dark. That way I can have him all to myself!"

Daisuke hadn't touched his pizza, too upset about Risa not liking him to speak.

"Three words, Daisuke: Fab u lous!" Donis said, looking at Daisuke's paintings.

"Say yeah, you're a really good artist," Riku commented. "They almost look like photographs. Though that one of Risa is almost too good. It's scary."

"Hey, you don't know how much stalking it took me to get her face to look just right," Daisuke returned smugly.

Silence reigned in the room, as Daisuke realized that was something you probably shouldn't say smugly, let alone say at all.

"Um, let's have some ice cream," Daisuke said, using the knowledge he'd gained from his mom's book _How to Clear Up Moments of Awkwardness_. "I have chocolate, vanilla, moose ripple, banana slug, toenail crunch- Riku, stop staring at me like that!"

Riku shook her head angrily. "You're no better than Takeshi."

"Oh my!" Donis grinned. "What say you, Daisuke?"

"That hurt!" Daisuke said, feeling tears develop in his eyes.

"Well, that was hardly masculine. I was hoping for something better." Donis sipped from the watercolor flower-adorned China tea cup he always carried around with him.

"It's almost eight thirty; we should be going soon," Riku mumbled.

"Fine… leave…" Daisuke whimpered.

"But you can't leave yet!" said Daisuke's mom, bursting in suddenly. "We still haven't explained Dark to you! Come on, we have to go downstairs!"

"Mom… we don't have to show them _that_ room," Daisuke growled. The room where the spirits were taken out of looked creepy, like it belonged in a Medieval Castle and not underneath anything modern, with an exception to Disneyland.

"Well, you don't have to come because you're going on a mission now anyway. Here you go!" Daisuke mom tossed him Dark's thief outfit, all nice and ironed and warm from the dryer.

"Thanks, Mrs. Niwa!" said Dark, thumbs-upping her.

_'Dar-ark! Did you have to come out? I didn't get to say goodbye to my half-friends!'_ Daisuke whined.

Dark turned to Riku and Risa. "Daisuke says good-" But Risa cut him off with a squeal of joy.

"EEEEEEEEK! It's Dark in the flesh! I can't believe this!" Risa started bouncing up and down.

"And what do _you_ have to say, Dark?" Riku asked with a smirk.

After much contemplation, Dark decided, "I could really go for a hamburger right now."

"What do you have to say about me?!" Risa asked, eyes shining.

"Your boyfriend is one lucky guy!" Dark said truthfully.

_Dark!_ Daisuke yelled.

"That was awfully forward of you," Donis gasped. "That's not how you talk to girls!"

"Shut up, Lonis or whatever your name is!" Risa turned back to Dark. "I don't have a boyfriend! You can be my boyfriend!"

"Really? Okay!" Dark grinned. "Yes! Now I have a social life! Beat that, Daisuke!"

Risa fainted with happiness and Riku stood next to her in shock.

"Sometimes… I just get so _confused_…" Riku mumbled absentmindedly, shaking her head.

"Well, I suppose you would, but I know I understood everything that's been happening this whole time." Donis nodded and finished his tea.

'_Dark?! How could you do that to me?!'_ Daisuke inner shouted.

_'How could I not? Risa's pretty. Your taste in girls doesn't suck as much as I thought it would', _Dark admitted.

Daisuke was mad. He would have to get back at Dark somehow. Somehow...

* * *

"Is the trap set-up now?" Satoshi asked Chief Saehara over his walkie talkie. 

"Yes, I think so," Chief Saehara responded.

Satoshi turned around. Chief Saehara was five feet behind him.

"Why are we still using these?" Satoshi asked, via walkie-talkie.

"I don't know," Chief Saehara answered, also via walkie-talkie.

Tossing the device aside, Satoshi began to walk behind the art museum and continued, "Now all we have to do is wait for Dark."

"It's already dark," Chief Saehara responded as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Satoshi sighed. "I meant- hey! The van isn't here!"

"Well of course not," Takeshi's dad said.

Satoshi raised an eyebrow. "You told me the trap was ready."

"It is," Chief Saehara said smiling.

"But… the van isn't here. Where is the van?!" Satoshi shouted.

"It's in the art museum," Chief Saehara answered.

"I told you not to do that!" Satoshi slapped his forehead.

"But it's my favorite part of the plan and I so much wanted to do it," he argued.

"I told you! It's a bad idea!" Satoshi growled.

Saehara folded his arms, looking stern. "Mr. Hiwatari?"

"What?" Satoshi glared at him.

"Do you like your job, Mr. Hiwatari?"

Satoshi blinked and said, in an annoyed way, "Okay, okay. We can keep the stupid truck inside."

Saehara grinned. "Oh, good. I know that this plan is just going to work out brilliantly."

"Yeah… I hope so…" Satoshi walked inside, upset at not getting his way. _'At least when I work by myself, no one ever pettifogs with me…'_

_'You forgot about me!'_ Krad shouted. _' __'__Pettifogs?__' __'_

_'No one cares about you. You were only important in chapter ten. Now you're just there to be funny,'_ Satoshi muttered in his head.

_'I feel so unnecessary,'_ Krad said in a bored way, tapping his fingers on the bottom of the empty space he lived in. Don't worry, everyone; he'll be back soon.

* * *

Dark flew off the art museum. 

"It's creepy; I really feel like I know this place," Dark said.

Daisuke wanted to say something witty, but was too angry with Dark for stealing his potential girlfriend to feel very witty at the moment.

"Don't be so huffy," Dark said, "She didn't even like you."

_'Yeah, well you don't even know what her name is,'_ Daisuke glowered.

"Other people have names…?" Dark scratched his head even though it wasn't itchy. "Huh?… This is strange."

_'What?' _Daisuke asked, deciding that he wouldn't be able to not talk to Dark for long because of his natural curiosity.

"Nobody's here. No TV people. No police." Dark looked around like a lost scared kitten and started to droop. "No anybody…"

(It's too bad Risa didn't get to see this because Dark was acting sort of adorable when he was alone. Or maybe I just like lost kittens too much.) But when you got down to it and thought the way Daisuke did, Dark wasn't mourning that no one loved him, he was mourning that all his fan girls were disappearing and no one was completely obsessed with him.

_'Suck it up, buddy. Some of us are lucky to have _one _girlfriend,'_ Daisuke growled.

"That's because you're a normal boy. I'm pretty!" Dark cried.

_'Okay, never mind. I'm not talking to you anymore,' _Daisuke said.

"Fine. In I go." Dark slumped forward, very unhappy that his fan girls had diminished.

"What a tragedy," he said while he grabbed the painting, twisting himself into various strange poses as he dodged laser beams that would trigger the alarm as if it were an everyday activity. "I'm sure if someone tried to capture me right now, I'd be so depressed that I wouldn't be able to- Oooh! Distraction! Shiny distraction!"

_'What are you pointing at?'_ Daisuke asked.

"I thought you weren't going to talk to me anymore," Dark said with a grin.

Daisuke huffed._'Stupid natural curiosity...'_

"I think it's a truck. Weird. I wonder why it's in here," Dark stated, approaching it. "It's probably a trap… but I'm too depressed to care." Dark walked inside, blinded by the awful depression that had gripped him. That and the fact that shiny things were more interesting than duty. (Ha, ha… duty…)

Dark looked around the truck. It was a weird truck. It was empty. He was sort of hoping there'd be a candy bar or something.

"That got old fast. Time to go," said Dark. But as he turned to leave, the doors closed behind him!

"Hey! Who did that?!" Dark yelled, glancing around.

"Uh, me. I've been standing here the whole time," Satoshi said, waving his hand.

"You shouldn't have hidden," Dark commented, not wanting to sound stupid.

"Behind what?" Satoshi asked.

"Oh," Dark said, realizing he sounded even stupider.

"Well, now I've caught you, Dark," Satoshi said, happy that he could finally say those words after twenty-six chapters. Satoshi evil laughed; he was surprisingly good at it. It was somewhat of a cross between Darth Vader and Voldemort. Or Sasuke and Zabuza.

"Hey, do you practice that in front of a mirror?" Dark asked.

"Why would I? I don't need to see my laugh," Satoshi said.

"Oh." Dark was really sick of stating the obvious.

"Now… I will get my chance to defeat you!" the _**blue**_-haired half-villain shouted at Dark.

**Yay, I finally wrote!  
Hey, this might be a really n00bish question of me, but what are author alerts?**

**Just curious… I always thought they were bad to get.**

**Have a good weekend, full of joy, fun and perhaps D.N.Angel.**

**P.S. Thanks to thesaurus dot com, a website I often use for help with interesting vocab words. If there's a word in here you don't know, chances are that's where I got it from.**

**P.P.S. Thank you, Sarah, for catching that detail about him not being a purple-haired half-villain. How could I overlook such a detail? As you can see, it's fixed and I bold'd and italicized and underlined it to make sure I would not make such a mistake again. Or I'll have to sacrifice one of these bolded areas to an apology and rant about myself. And I wasn't being sarcastic, just to ensure that...**


	28. When In Doubt, Spanish It

**I'm back and I'm bluer than ever! Here's chapter twenty eight.**

Dark growled angrily. He only had so many options… only one choice…

"Well?" Satoshi asked, glaring at him as if knowing what was to come. Dark narrowed his eyes. _'Drat…I'm in trouble… there's no way…'_

"Hmm." Dark gritted his teeth, frustrated.

"You're wasting time." Satoshi's glasses flashed obnoxiously.

"I…" Dark glanced downward, his hand shaking. "I lose, don't I?"

Satoshi smirked that smirky smirk he always smirks. "Well played, Dark. Though I do believe the term is 'Go fish'?"

"Shut up! Best two out of three!" the entrapped thief yelled.

"I really thought we'd be there by now," Satoshi added, reshuffling the deck.

"If you're going to catch me, you should do it quickly and efficiently." Dark seized the moment to insult his enemy.

Satoshi didn't even glance up. "You mean the same way you lost?"

_'Shut down!' _Daisuke shouted, which didn't help at all.

"Hang on." The blue-haired boy stood up and went up to the driver's. "What's taking so long? We should have been to headquarters hours ago!"

"Well, first we hit a huge pothole and lost a tire-"

"Then we went and got bagels-"

"Of course, I had to stop in the school and watch my son's harpsichord solo-"

"Enough hindrances! I want us there in ten minutes. No food, no child's concerts, nothing!" Satoshi commanded and sat down bossily. Yes, he sat bossily.

* * *

Riku peddled ferociously after the quick van, pulling Risa, Donis and Daisuke's entire family behind her in a toy wagon. Most of them, including Riku, were sipping tea calmly and Risa busied herself with her own personal fortune telling kit, which had told them originally of Dark's whereabouts. Risa, Riku and Donis were more than happy to leave their house tour.

"Dark's going to be okay," she said with a sigh of relief. Ah, Risa! You spoiled the end of the next few chapters for us. "Don't worry, darling! The Dark Squad is on their way!"

"I'll have more sugar," Riku said casually, turning around completely as Daisuke's mom plunked in a few more cubes.

"This is quite bumpy. I'm afraid I'll spill my tea," Donis said worriedly.

"Do you see the truck yet?" Daisuke's mom asked.

"Couldn't there be some seatbelts in here or something?" his dad asked, clutching the sides nervously.

"I told you not to marry him," Gran-dude said.

"No complaining on my bus!" Riku shouted. "Or do you want to walk?"

"Riku! There it is!" Risa said, pointing.

The white truck careened on its two back wheels, honking merrily to announce that it was midnight.

"Why are they being so obvious?" Riku asked.

"I guess that's why this card had a Loudred…" Risa muttered to herself.

"Mush!" Daisuke's somewhat mom said. Riku decided it was better not to say anything and began to invade upon the vehicle.

* * *

The van careened down a deserted road to the secret police station. In truth, it wasn't so secret. People walked past it everyday. Sometimes they even made faces in the windows and drew 'wash me' on police cars. But don't tell the police that. They like to think its secret.

"So, where are you taking me?" Dark growled nonetheless.

"To be put in prison forever," Satoshi responded.

"That's so sickeningly evil of you!" Dark yelled. "Grr!"

"Um… is that all you can do?" Satoshi asked with narrow eyes. "You're not as awesome as your name says you are."

"I know, it really sucks sometimes!" Dark started chewing on the bars, hoping some sort of super power would appear and he could bite through them.

Dark ignored him. "Why don't you decide to be nice and let me out?!"

"Are you kidding? Do you know that I've been trying to do this for a long time now?" Satoshi growled.

"Why are you so obsessed?" Dark asked and the world held its breath waiting for an answer to the question that had long been unasked.

Satoshi shrugged. "I guess I like justice."

Dark slapped his forehead. "Okay, you're _so_ not telling the truth."

Suddenly, a huge flash of light came from around Dark's neck.

_'It's the ridiculous father-son necklace my dad gave me!'_ Daisuke quickly realized. _'Grab it! Maybe it'll do something!'_

Dark, not knowing what else to do, obeyed.

Fortunately, it did do something. For some reason, Daisuke was sucked into some sort of parallel universe where he could only see his dad.

"Hi, Daisuke!" his dad shouted, waving.

"Uh, hi, father-figure," Daisuke said, half-waving awkwardly.

"Wasn't this a good idea? Now I can give a pep talk about how to get out of there. Oh… Risa says 'hi'…" his dad muttered.

"Tell her I say hi back!" Daisuke quickly pleaded.

"Never mind that, Daisuke. Right now, you need to get out of the van!" his dad explained.

"Well, duh. But how?" he asked.

"Emiko, darling, that's far worse than illegal- Oh, sorry. You'll have to fight Satoshi as Dark. Your mom didn't realize this before, but apparently Satoshi is from her enemy's family and has the spirit Krad in him," the dad said with a shrug.

"R-Really?" It was no wonder Dark sort of hated him.

"To fight Krad, you'll have to tick him off," Señor Niwa explained (I was running out of ways to say their names, okay? Daisuke's going to be the spiky red-head next.), "into to transforming into him. Think you can do that?"

"Uh, Dark already got started," the spiky red-head understated; Dark was already spouting off every un-K+ word he knew and seemed to be enjoying himself. Satoshi raised an eyebrow, but showed no signs of cracking.

"WITH A BUCKET OF beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep ALAKAZAM!" Dark shouted, finally finished, panting.

Satoshi clapped sarcastically. "That's the best you can do?"

"Well, excuse me, Mr. I'm My Enemy's Name Spelled Backwards!"  
Those were the magic words. Krad appeared in the place of Satoshi.

"Yay!" Dark shouted, samba-ing, but it was short-lived; a huge gleaming ball of fire pelted him through the metal sides.

"Hey! Enough rough-housing in my van!" the driver shouted, not bothering to find out what was going on.

* * *

Not-so-far away, the Dark Squad watched in marvel.

"It's all up to Dark now," Risa said, staring at the two fighting.

"I'll make some popcorn!" Emiko said cheerily.

"Now don't be surprised if you _die_." Gran-dude's attempt at cheeriness.

All they could do was watch in their wagon. Riku finally flopped from exhaustion and no one cared.

**There was a Potter Puppet Pals reference, in case anyone's a fan. My sister's also thinking of doing a fanart for my story for the celebration of chapter 30! Hooray! Also, my birthday was the day before April Fools day. I'm one day before obnoxious! Huzzah!**


	29. Krad is a Ratfink, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

**I went on vacation and then to camp and then on vacation again. Then my computer broke. So sorry for being so late.**

**I made this chapter four pages, so even though this chapter is rather slow, I hope you still find it amusing.**

**Okay, here's chapter 29! (Once again, sorry!)**

Daisuke was bored. Really, really, really bored. After he got over the intensity of what was going on, this was sort of like going on Superman at Six Flags and watching an episode of Pokemon simultaneously.

'_Seriously, Dark, these bad puns are going to make my ears bleed!'_ Daisuke said.

"I think it's ridiculous too, but that's the only way to beat the villain on a TV show rated 13+ up merely for explicit content and dialogue directed at a younger audience," explained Dark. Shaking his fist, he added "Curse you, Krad!"

'_Oh, come on, can't you finish this quicker?'_ Daisuke asked, folding his arms.

"Well, no- this battle has to last the equivalent of around half to two episodes of a TV show, but I can at least entertain you with the ridiculous story of my past. How about that?" Dark inquired.

'_Very well.'_ Daisuke situated himself in the floor of Dark's mind. Dark cleared his throat and began.

"Well," said Dark. "It all began a very long time again, as several good stories do…"

Harnessing the power of Naruto, Dark took Daisuke into a flashback…

* * *

We'll get to that flashback momentarily. Let's check in with Satoshi and Krad first.

Satoshi, everyone's favorite blue-haired misguided, butler-less and cat-less teen, was trying to reason with Krad.

'_Krad, this is going to get us into some trouble with the police, and one of those twin-peoples knows that I'm your alter ego, and- And what are you wearing?!' _Satoshi shouted.

"You don't like it?" said Krad, sounding slightly downtrodden. "Wikipedia says I'm often 'clad in voluminous robes', so I thought that I might as well listen to them. I bought it from some guy named Ayame. By the way, isn't it strange that Wikipedia seems to know more about me than I do?"

'_No! Wikipedia knows everything! Look, we're straying seriously off-topic here, as we usually do, but could you just stop fighting and focus on actually capturing Dark?' _Satoshi demanded.

Krad shook his head. "Not if you don't say please."

Satoshi slapped himself in the forehead. _'__**Please**__ then?'_

"No."

'_What?!'_ Satoshi ripped out strands of his hair in frustration. _"Krad! Don't be so difficult! … Ugh, it's not worth reasoning with you. Just… hurry it up and stuff. Try to win or something. If you need me, I'll be jumping up and down in a cheerleader outfit and waving about pom-poms.'_

Of course, Satoshi was being sarcastic. Instead, he sat down and impatiently waited in the cavernous insides of Krad's mind.

* * *

"I'm not a very good storyteller and there still isn't a campfire, but whatever," Dark started and cleared his throat. "Okay, once upon a time there was a guy named Man Ga."

Daisuke raised an eyebrow. " 'Man Ga', huh?"

"Be quiet!" Dark yelled. "As I was saying, Man Ga was really good at making things. He made several statues of several commonly known characters. When Man Ga died, a bunch of people took these statues and a bunch of stories were made about them."

"So people got all these statues for all those extremely popular plotlines out there?" Daisuke asked.

"Of course! Do you think Shigeru Miyamoto was clever enough to just 'make up' Legend of Zelda?" Dark shouted.

A/N: Shigeru Miyamoto _was_ clever enough to make it up. No disrespect.

"… So what about you then? You were one of the statues he made?" Daisuke said flatly. "Somehow you got possessed and this whole plotline unfolded?"

"Yes! Some person came in one day, possessified our statue and boom, suddenly we were really exciting and plot-filled," Dark said. "And that's it."

"Wait, so who created you then?" Daisuke asked. "And dragged me into all of this, I might add?"

"I dunno, some dudette named Yukiru Sugisaki," Dark added with a shrug.

"Huh."

"… For some reason, when I think about her name, the words 'major hiatus' pop into my head," Dark stated thoughtfully.

"Well, I randomly shudder at the name 'Kevin Corn', so maybe there's a connection there," Daisuke added with a shrug.

Somehow, Daisuke felt let-down at the slight anticlimax, but then remembered there had to be more. "Why do you and Krad, like, hate each other anyway?"

"Because when our possessed statue became like all real or something," Krad began in his highly-educated lingo, "Krad wanted to take over the world immediately, but me, being the hot protagonist that I am, told him against it-"

Daisuke tapped his foot. "You're lying."

"… It was originally my idea, but it sounded like to much work," Dark admitted, slightly deflated. "But I actually did feel kind of guilty about it - and a world ruled by Krad would suck - so I've dedicated myself to destroying him and all the statues he possesses to do his bidding."

Daisuke nodded. "That sounds like the truth. But still, I'm stuck in this because of you!"

Dark grinned menacingly. "Can't say that I'm too upset about wreaking havoc on your life. Still, bet it's worse for Satoshi."

Daisuke blinked. "Huh? Why?"

"Because!" Dark yelled. "Krad sucks!"

Knowing that Dark was awful at being descriptive (and asking him to be would probably hurt his brain too much), Daisuke decided not to ask him anymore about this, since he would get similar only slightly more worded answers that did nothing to help him.

* * *

"Well, I just lost 'the game'," Grandude sighed.

Everyone growled and muttered the same thing, except Donis.

"Um, what is 'the game'?" he asked, taking a sip from his pocket teacup.

Risa looked at him with a macabre look. "So… you want to become slave to 'the game', too, do you?"

"Well, uh, not anymore-"

"It's too late! You've already heard about it and now you have to play!" Risa shrieked, pointing a finger at Donis.

"What? I- No! I don't want to!" Donis said, shaking his head, slightly terrified. "I have to live forever! And I can't even hug someone to get rid of the pain!"

Riku was sitting by herself, watching Dark and Krad duke it out. Daisuke's mom skipped up to her.

"Cheer up, Riku!" Daisuke's mom said, clapping a hand on her shoulder. "Have a lemon square!"

Riku sighed. "Aren't you worried about Daisuke at all? Or Satoshi? Sure, they're in really weird-"

"And extremely hot-" Risa poked in.

"… Forms," Riku continued. "But still, what if they get hurt? What are we going to do? Aren't you going to feel any guilt?"

"In all honesty, Daisuke's friend slightly less annoying than Daisuke's other friends, it probably never occurred to her that Daisuke would lose," Grandude said, taking a sip of heated mud because he was too lazy to open a tea packet. "She trained him since he was a wee boy. He should be fine. And if not, he gets to stay in the hospital and I get to sleep in his bed again! Go, Satoshi, go!"

"Grandude! That's enough of that!" Daisuke's mom snapped. She turned back to Riku and said gleefully, "Satoshi will lose because he doesn't have any friends! And you know that power is measured in friendship!"

"Oh. That's why you forced Daisuke to go to all those sports fairs and book talks and bake sales and art festivals and candle-making classes," Grandude muttered.

"Yes! And he didn't make a single friend until three years ago and it was that moron Takeshi!" Daisuke's mom shouted. "So none of you can back out now. I'll bribe you to be his friend if I must. Do you hear me?!"

"Yes, ma'am!" Daisuke's forced friends all said, except Risa, who didn't care.

* * *

"Oooooh, where's Satoshi?" Takeshi whined. He sniffled. "I've been waiting all night to give him this lovely pudding I made for him…"

"That pudding looks like crap," Wendy said.

Takeshi narrowed his eyes. "That's because it's chocolate, Wendy."

"You idiot! I didn't mean because of that! Do you actually think he'll eat your cooking? You're horrible at it!" Wendy explained without care of her brothers feelings.

Takeshi hung his head. "You're right. What should I do now?"

"I dunno. You could feed it to the evil dogs next door," Wendy suggested.

"Yeah, good idea! Oh wait… they might try to Tase us again…" Takeshi remembered.

Wendy was bored, so she slammed the bowl of pudding over her sad excuse for a brother/human being's head and went to go watch Cory in the House.

* * *

"Aargh!" Krad shouted as Dark kicked him upside the head. It was the final blow. Krad fell into the water. Amazingly, neither of them were bleeding, but somehow were completely beat up.

"Yay! We did it! Victory!" Dark shouted, doing Ash's 'Victory V' fingers.

'_Dark, Krad transformed into Satoshi! He'll drown!'_ Daisuke shouted.

"Yeah."

'_So…?'_

"Sew buttons on your boots."

Daisuke shook his head. _'Just get him out of the water.'_

"Why? He's your enemy! And he's creepy!" Dark argued.

"If I don't save Satoshi, Risa will kill me. She likes Satoshi. And you."

"What a two-timer," Dark said, but he didn't really sound like he cared. He flew down and dragged Satoshi out of the water, making him hit as many rocks jutting out of the water as he could.

"There's Ayaka and I at the beach," Donis said, showing off his cell phone picture collection. "There we are at Six Flags on the carousel… There we are beating her older brother at Skeeball… There's her older brother trying to put me in the garbage can… There we are getting my mail…"

"There's Dark!" Risa mega-squealed and everyone looked up, thrilled. Donis was still looking at Ayaka and himself playing Don't Wake Daddy.

"My Daisuke-Doodle-Dandy! How did it go?" Daisuke's mom asked, skipping up and throwing her arms around Daisuke, who was now in Dark's large clothes.

"Fine. I beat Satoshi, but don't worry, I saved him," he explained.

Suddenly, it was very quiet.

"What?" Daisuke asked, looking around.

"I told you to sell him to the neighbors when he was born," Grandude growled.

"What did I do?" Daisuke shouted, throwing his arms out.

"Oh well… Why kill your enemy when you can kill him… some other day?" Daisuke's dad tried.

"He's our family rival, Honey Toes," his mom scolded. "You have to get rid of him! He's evil!"

"But I don't want to kill anyone!" Daisuke whined.

"You get used to it after a while," his family said in unison.

Daisuke smacked a hand to his forehead. He was glad tonight was over at last.

* * *

At dawn the next morning, Satoshi had managed to crawled back to Takeshi's house. He wanted to get some sleep. He knew Takeshi was going to say something to him.

"Hi, Takeshi," he mumbled in a half-awake voice.

Takeshi looked quite forlorn. "My pudding melted."

"Um, that's too bad," Satoshi said. "I'll be upstairs."

"Okay," Takeshi lamented.

Satoshi crawled into bed and fell asleep immediately. It was not a good sleep. Satoshi never had a good sleep. Life was never that easy when evil statues rented out your head.

**By the way, Takeshi was kicked in the shin by Wendy's eight-year-old enemy, bitten by dogs, Tasered and arrested. Then he came home the next day and his suffering pudding had passed away.**

**Oh, and Kevin Corn is the American voice actor for Daisuke. His voice has no personality.**


	30. It Lacks Dancing Lobsters, However

**Chapter thirty is finally here! Verily yay! I'm sorry before for not updating in an eternity before 29 again.**

**I was watching **_**The Weekenders**_** for old time's sake today and it got me in a good mood. So I hope you find this chapter especially funny. My sister did.**

Daisuke arrived at school. Takeshi was waiting for him at the main entrance.

"Hi, Takeshi," Daisuke said unenthusiastically. Now that Daisuke had real friends, he was starting to realize that Takeshi was even more annoying than he'd thought.

"Yeah, hi," Takeshi rushed. He was staring at a piece of paper in his hands. "I've got this poll right here. Care to take it?" He grinned at him, his teeth shining because he used Crest whitening strips (Trust me, I'm not a subliminal messager).

Daisuke sighed and rolled his eyes. "Alright. This better not take all morning…"

"Okay," said Takeshi, following Daisuke to his locker. "Who do you think the prince of the school should be?"

"What?!" Daisuke asked. Depending on where he lives, he took off his shoes and put them in a locker and put on some other shoes. Or he didn't take off his shoes and put them in a locker and put on some other shoes.

Takeshi rolled his eyes. "Duh! A prince is _always_ the most admired, coolest, most popularest boy that everyone likes and he always does well in his classes and some how manages to win over the half the girls in the school!"

"Well, whose running?" Daisuke was sure he could guess.

"The only two who were able to fit the criteria were Satoshi and that Donis guy," Takeshi growled. "Talk about annoying. But still, Satoshi needs competition and besides, Donis will get crushed and his ego will be so low that he'll never win over the heart of a girl ever again!" The news reporter laughed loudly.

"Takeshi," Daisuke sighed, "You have nothing personal against Donis. Stop acting like he's that annoying." _Even though the other boys seem pretty angry that their girlfriends are going off to him,_ Daisuke thought to himself.

"You're going to vote for Satoshi, right?" Takeshi's eyes were shining.

Daisuke sat in his seat, because they were in the classroom now. Otherwise he wouldn't have sat in his seat. "I'm not voting for either of them."

"Why not?!" Takeshi whimpered. "I worked so hard to come up with this poll!"

Daisuke rolled his eyes yet again. "Who's winning anyhow?"

"Um, Satoshi."

"Takeshi, by any chance would Satoshi have only one vote?"

"Hey, there is no rule stating that the poll maker can't put in their say!" Takeshi yelled defensively.

"Well, I'd like to mention that their probably is, but getting in an argument with you isn't very high on my fun list," Daisuke admitted. "In fact, it's right between licking a metal pole in the winter and holding hands with Mio Hio."

"I'm above that last one, right?"

"I don't have to answer that."

"Oh! Oh! Oh! Satoshi!" Takeshi waved his hand enthusiastically to get Satoshi's attention, and Daisuke stiffened angrily. Since Satoshi was often keeping him awake till times much earlier than appreciated, he sort of didn't like the blue-haired angst-filled teenager anymore.

Satoshi walked up. He looked tired too, but had, unbeknownst to Daisuke and Takeshi, taped a wooden ruler to his back to help him stand up straight and not pass out with exhaustion.

"Hi, incommodious one," Satoshi muttered.

"Oh! That's right, Daisuke, I forgot to tell you!" Takeshi was bouncing with excitement. "Guess who gets to stay at my house? It's-"

Suddenly, Satoshi round-house-kicked Takeshi square in the chin and sent him into the wall, where he bounced off it and fell down several flights of stairs. Lot's of people stared in horror.

Satoshi pushed his glass up higher. "You'll have to pardon my spastic knee, Daisuke."

Everyone turned back to what they were doing. From some deep hole in the depths of the school, Takeshi shouted, "Finland!"

"Satoshi!" Daisuke growled. "You're evil! And not just for that!"

But Satoshi had walked away. Daisuke figured Satoshi was just being annoying and suspicious, but really he had walked off to go tape his eyes open.

* * *

"Daisuke! Look at this!" Donis was waving a piece of paper over his head as he ran into the lunch room.

Daisuke glared up from his roast beef sandwich. "Is it another poll?"

"Um, no," Donis said, confused. "It's for the winter play! Oh, you must be in it Daisuke!"

"Why? I'm a horrible actor," Daisuke argued. "And I'm too busy with _other stuff_, you know?"

"Yes, but this play is called _The Phantom Thief Dark of the Opera_!" Donis said, pointing at the picture. "It's a beautiful story about Dark who falls in love with a strange girl and for some reason he's very good at playing the piano and- Daisuke, covering your ears is quite rude."

"Sorry," Daisuke said. "Dark was laughing really loudly and that was sort of a reflex… By the way, have you seen Takeshi since this morning?"

"No!" Donis replied, not even attempting to mask his sheer joy. "Continuing - Risa is directing this play. You could get closer to her if you tried out!"

"She'd just ignore me," Daisuke sighed. "Probably for you or Satoshi."

"Surprise, surprise, Daisuke, but most your female friends lack an attraction me," Donis said after a bite of cucumber sandwich. "It's quite strange, actually. They're the only women I've met who are immune to it. And I doubt that that Satoshi fellow his any interest in this play."

"You're probably right…" Daisuke glanced off. Mio Hio raced up.

"Do you think Takeshi would be my boyfriend if I saved him from the pit in the basement?" she asked gleefully.

Daisuke shrugged. "Probably not."

"Okay, I'm going to go do it anyway," she said running off.

"… I'm not really upset your friends don't like me, by the way-"

"Yeah, I know."

* * *

It was after school, because I feel like being that way. Satoshi was walking home, or at least to Takeshi's home. The ruler had snapped. He hadn't found any tape. Satoshi was suffering from a horrible case of sleep deprivation, which had gotten far past the mother-who-just-had-quadruplets stage.

"I need coffee," Satoshi mumbled restlessly and, in his sleep-deprivated state, had accidentally said, "I'm a little lad who loves berries and cream."

To Satoshi's rare good fortune, a restaurant that had coffee was right next to him. It seemed to be court-themed. Some video-game obsessed person who most likely lived in the dark had come up with a line of restaurants based off Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney. But the weirdness of the restaurant didn't matter to Satoshi at the moment. Right now, all he wanted was a steaming cup of coffee to perk him up.

"Hi, welcome to the Phoenix Wright's, where we're always right, but if we're not, all you have to do is shout 'OBJECTION!' Permission to take your order?" a familiar voice said perkily.

"Riku?!" Satoshi stammered.

"Oh, hey Satoshi." Riku sounded slightly angry, like Daisuke had. She was dressed up like a judge. "Whaddaya want, then?"

"Why are you working here?" Satoshi questioned.

She sighed. "Well, my bike broke a while back on Halloween - you know, when you asked to borrow my mom, ya weirdo - so my cousin gave me his old bike, but wouldn't you know, it's ancient and it broke when I went, uh, mountain biking."

"Oh," Satoshi said, hardly paying attention and only pretending to look he cared. "Um, I'd like a coffee please, in the biggest size you have."

"One Judge-normous coffee then," Riku punched into the cash register. She snickered. "Would you like that hot or… just-iced?" Satoshi gritted his teeth. Lame jokes were one of his weakness, I guess. "Hot, please."

"This place is weird, right?" Riku said. "So many awful puns." "Oh, yes," Satoshi said, who was just then thinking that the top of the soda dispenser looked like a wonderful place to sleep.

A few minutes later…

"Justice is served!" Riku shouted, carrying out Satoshi's order. She looked up. Satoshi was dead asleep on top of a table. Two parents and their quadruplet daughters and son looked quite traumatized.

"Looks like we've got a sleeper," the boss said, coming up.

"Uh, what's a sleeper?" Riku asked.

The boss laughed. "This is the person who falls asleep before he pays!"

"Oooh." Riku blinked. "What do we do?"

"It's quite fun," an employee, Ben, said. "Would you like me to show you?"

Twelve minutes and one burger suit later, Satoshi was sitting out front in a lawn chair, holding up an "Eat Here, Pluses I'm an Idiot" sign.

**You know, once I was really tired and tried to say, "I need some medicine", because I was sick, but instead said, "Mom, can you help me find a word in the dictionary?"**

**Okay, kind of anti-climactic for chapter thirty, but, you know, whatever, right? School started, so yeah, homework and stuff all over again, but I hope that my updates aren't too far and few.**

**Wouldn't it stink to be the only not identical quadruplet? That happened like a year-ish ago. They said so on the news. Poor boy.**


	31. The Phantom Thief Dark of the Opera

**Ugh. Happy Monday. I guess. Too many essays! Three! Not fair! Okay, so one is a lab write-up, but still.**

After school, Donis and Daisuke had gone to try out for Risa's play, _The Phantom Thief Dark of the Opera_.

'_Dark,'_ Daisuke thought. _'You're laughing is really distracting; shut up.'_

But Dark was laughing so hard he couldn't hear him.

Daisuke had to admit, the play was pretty ridiculous. Dark? Singing? Daisuke was actually surprised that Dark wasn't offended. This was quite possibly the stupidest thing he'd ever heard.

"Daisuke! Glad you came!" Risa shouted as he walked in. Daisuke was momentarily happy. Risa raced up to him.

"Hello, younger Harada!" Donis beamed.

"Hi. Okay, Daisuke, big favor!" Risa said hands clasped out in front of her. "Could you get Dark to play himself?"

Daisuke was crestfallen, but said, "I don't think so, Risa. It's too risky."

"Oh, come on, don't be a spoil sport! I bet Dark wants to!" Risa begged.

'_Come on, Daisuke. This will be hilarious! I'm completely tone deaf; you should hear me sing 'Born Free'. You can even make this work to your advantage.'_

'_I can?'_

'_Just think about for a second. You're doing a favor for _Risa._"_

Suddenly, a light bulb appeared over Daisuke's head.

"Okay, Risa, you can have Dark," Daisuke said slyly, "if you'll go on a date with me."

"That's all? Okay," Risa replied.

Daisuke blinked. "Wait - You'll actually do this?"

"You're annoying and I don't like you, but it's a small price to play to get the _real Dark!_" Risa swooned and then stood up and walked away.

"This is awesome!" Daisuke punched the air.

"She hardly acknowledged me," said Donis sadly, totally unused to being ignored by women.

"She said 'Hi', didn't she? For Risa, that's good," Daisuke explained. "And I've got a date with her! Wahoo!"

* * *

"Tree," Risa said with finality.

"A tree?!" shouted some guy with a possibly Japanese name that, for the sake of me not looking up Japanese names, we'll just call Edward because I'm in the middle of the final _Twilight_ book right now. "I've been practicing hard for this! There's no way I'll settle for-"

"Tree."

"But I-"

"Tree."

"Bu-"

"Tree."

"But-! What-? Wait-!" But Risa had already walked to the next person.

"Erm, Miss Harada," the theatre instructor who was also fortuitously named, Mr. Stageguy, said, "Edward has been practicing for a long time. Shouldn't you give him a different part?"

"Okay, fine," Risa sighed. "You're the tree."

"Wait a minute- Risa!" Mr. Stageguy said. "I can't be a tree! I'm the-"

"Tree."

"But… But…" he sputtered, then sighed. Arguing with Risa was about as useful as arguing with a mango. You just wouldn't get anywhere.

"So what am I now, then?" asked Edward more eagerly.

"You're a guy who used to be a tree," Risa instructed.

Earl raised an eyebrow. "And what do I do?"

"Leave. Bye!" Risa shooed him away. "Okay, you. Donis guy."

"Hello!" Donis said to her again.

"Back-up Dark," Risa said without hesitation.

"Back-up Dark? Wonderful!" Donis beamed and immediately began texting Ayaka the news.

"Daisuke, we already covered this." Risa moved on. "Ayaka, Ayaka, Ayaka… I think you'd be best as Dark's GF. Got it?"

"Sweet." Ayaka began texting this info back to Donis.

"Oh look, Daisuke!" Donis said, showing his cell phone with a picture of Ayaka grinning. "Ayaka got the part of Dark's love!"

"Uh, Donis? She's right next to me," Daisuke said, gesturing to her.

"Hello, darling!" Donis waved at her and she waved back. Daisuke sighed.

Risa had gotten farther down the line. She looked very upset. Daisuke wondered why, but he didn't have to wait long to find out.

"No, no, no, absolutely not." Risa shook her head. "It's bad enough going to class with you, Takeshi. And then you have to show up for _this_ particular play, not only dragging that Mio Hio with you, but wearing an awful scarf, too-"

"It's not an awful scarf!" Takeshi shouted. "It's a neck brace!"

"Whatever. You're a random woman who gets a couple of lines. Ya happy?"

"No, not really-"

"Good." Risa looked at Mio Hio in the same way she would look at rotten toast. Mio grinned back, her eyes blinking out of sync.

"You're a hard one," she growled at her.

"That's what I said to a boulder yesterday," Mio responded cheerily.

Risa sighed. "Okay, I won't have you ruining my play. You're a tree too."

"Oooh, Mio has the special part!" Mio hugged/choked Takeshi.

"Uh, Risa?" Daisuke felt like he should say something, as his role was the only one with assured protection. "You shouldn't make more than half the cast trees… There's only twelve of us."

"So what? There's hardly any important roles in here," Risa said with a shrug. "Plus, you'll be glad to know that I've cut out all the singing."

"But Risa!" Mr. Stageguy pleaded. "The play won't be the same without all the singing! It's _The Phantom Thief Dark of the Opera_ after all!"

"Quiet, Tree," Risa commanded. It was becoming obvious that everyone would now be addressed as the part they were; the tree people looked upset for the future confusion. Mr. Stageguy whimpered and sat down in the auditorium chairs.

"Wait a minute!" Takeshi realized. "If Donis is only back-up Dark… Daisuke is the real Dark! But why? He's not popular! And I know that's how you were giving everyone their parts."

"You'd better stop opposing me, Random Woman, or you can become join the forest," Risa threatened. "Daisuke has certain qualities that make him good for Dark."

Daisuke felt happy, even though she wasn't really talking about him.

"Tree. Scripts." Risa snapped her fingers and it took a second for Mr. Stageguy to figure out she was talking to him. He handed them to her nervously. "Okay, here you go, Dark, Back-Up Dark, Dark's GF and Random Woman. Trees, don't worry about lines. Okay, dismissed. We meet again tomorrow and you'd better know most of your lines by then! Dark stays."

Daisuke waited after, very happy. "What's up, Risa?"

"That's Director to you."

"Oh." Daisuke frowned; maybe he wasn't that special.

"You'll get Dark to memorize these, right?" She said. "I don't want to work him to hard… He's not too busy, is he?"

"Dark has so much time, but uh… What do you want to do for our date?" Daisuke asked.

"Date? Oh yeah, that." Risa looked at the ceiling in thought. "Uh, I like butter. And popsicles are good. I don't know! You think of something! I gotta go home. Bye."

Daisuke sat in the dark theatre.

'_Look at Daisuke.'_

'_Uh, what?'_ Daisuke thought.

'_Isn't it sad?'_

'_Dark-'_

'_He can't get a date without bribery!'_

'_DARK!'_

'_Poor Daisuke!'_

Daisuke picks up his backpack and walks out.

'_He wishes he could get a date by himself_

_Like Dark_

_Free and smooth_

_But he can't-'_

"That's enough!" Daisuke yelled. A lot of people stared at him and he lost Coolness Points. He may very well be in the negatives now.

So Daisuke went home, slightly crushed, but slightly happy to have a date with someone he'd been trying to go out with since chapter 1.

**Pepino bailarin, pepino bailarin, pepino bailarin, baila, baila, ya.**

**Hopefully I'll have the next chapter up soon, but it's so hard to write with this sombrero on my head.**

**- gets brick'd for so many Veggie Tales references -**

**My sister is sorry that she doesn't have her Not D.N.Angel pictures up yet. As soon as she finishes the pictures, I'll tell you, whether or not you actually care.**


	32. It's Like a Soap Opera, Minus the Soap

**Practice for the play beginneth! And The Phantom Thief Dark of the Opera probably isn't going to be much like **_**The Phantom of the Opera**_**. But I bet you already knew that.**

**Oh, BTDubs, I think you should all play Nanaca Crash online. It's really addicting. The music is catchy, too. It's just a really addicting game. For cereals.**

Satoshi woke up. It was dark outside and the moon shone down. Satoshi was incredibly confused. After all, you would be too if you just had awoken from a much-needed sleep only to find that you were in a burger costume and a cat was running off with one of your tennis shoes. And oh my gosh, your hair was blue! _Oh, wait_, thought Satoshi, _my hair is always blue._

Satoshi tossed aside the sign he had been holding and tore off the burger suit. He wasn't sure how long he had slept for, but he felt quite refreshed.

"I feel so refreshed!" Satoshi said. "I should really do this 'sleep' thing more often!"

"Satoshi!"

Satoshi whipped around. Riku was talking to him.

"Riku!" Satoshi said. "I had the strangest dream that you were a judge!"

"And I had a dream that you had normal-colored hair. Wouldn't life be better if those would switch?" Riku muttered.

"Um, maybe." Satoshi looked around. "What time is it?"

"Seven-ish," Riku said after glancing down at her _Bakugan_ wrist watch. "Why? Got art you need to steal or something, Satoshi? Or shall I call you Krad?"

"Not so loud!" Satoshi whispered. "If anyone hears you, I could get into trouble!"

"Why should I care about that?" Riku snapped.

Satoshi dug into his pocket for any reason why she should care about that.

"Um," Satoshi mumbled, looking at some pocket change, "Well, I have this really shiny Canadian penny-"

Riku snatched it away. "Don't suppose it matters much, though," she said with a shrug, "seeing as Daisuke already knows."

"Oh. Can I have it back, then?" said Satoshi, who'd kind of liked it.

"If you let me keep it, I'll give you a ride home."

Satoshi blinked. "What? But your bike-"

"I'm renting one from this kid down the block, but she needs it back by Tuesday. Hop on," Riku said, mounting the bike that was a little more than slightly too small for her.

Satoshi looked the bike up and down. "Where do I sit?"

Riku rolled her eyes. "No duh. Basket."

Satoshi drew back. "That's unsafe!"

"You wanna get home or what?"

"…"

* * *

"These sure are a lot of lines!" Daisuke growled, looking at his script. "I can't believe Riku wants this whole thing done by next week! Ridiculous!"

'_Oh, this is easy stuff,'_ Dark said. _'I can memorize these all, no problem.'_

"Really? Fine. Whatever. At least _I_ get a date out of all of this." Daisuke flopped onto his bed. "I feel bad for the rest of the cast, actually. All the people who are trees aren't allowed to brush their teeth until the play so they look more like wood. Risa even told the stage crew they couldn't go home till their fingers bled!"

'_Ooh, she's hot _and_ cold!' _Dark said with a grin. _'Just how I like them!'_

Daisuke rubbed the back of his neck. "She's actually kinda starting to scare me…"

Dark rolled his eyes. _'And then there's people like you, who like them in the pot nine days old. Boring and bland. You put the 'u' in 'dull', Daisuke.'_

"I'm not dull!" Daisuke yelled in defense.

'_You were until I came along. And you can forget about that date with Risa, anyway; I'm just going to transform into you as soon as you go on the date. So you can tell her that for me.'_

Daisuke was angry!

'_Hey, who are you calling?'_

"Two can play at _this_ game, Dark!" Daisuke said maliciously, grabbing the phone and Daisuke's Home Town phone directory.

* * *

"Riku Harada, whassup?" Riku said into her phone, over the noises of Satoshi screaming, "BOTH HANDS ON THE HANDLEBARS! BOTH HANDS!… OR AT LEAST ONE HAND! WE JUST BARELY MISSED THAT TREE! YOU'RE VEERING TOWARDS OFF THE SIDE WALK AGAIN! AGH! WATCH OUT FOR THAT PLOT HOLE! WHO _KNOWS_ WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU FALL IN?!"

After slapping Satoshi upside the head with more force than necessary, she said, "Sorry, didn't quite hear that."

"It's Daisuke."

"Daisuke? You sound like you're plotting something. Do tell," Riku said eagerly.

"Oh, I'm not plotting. Just wondered if maybe you'd like to go on a date with me two Fridays from now."

Riku almost fell into the plot hole, which caused Satoshi to whimper unmasculinely.

"A date?! Don't tell me that when I'm on my bike, Daisuke! I might do something ridiculous!"

"I mean like a friend date!"

"Don't scare me like that!" Riku let out a sigh of relief. She wasn't sure what kind of mental breakdown Daisuke would go into if she had to let him down. It might go past just him crying or something.

"I'll tell you more about Dark and we can get smoothies or whatever. Oh, and if I for some reason don't show up, it's Dark's fault and I give you permission to destroy him."

"Okay, talking, Dark, destroying, awesome. Bye." Riku hung up.

"Um, I heard everything you said-"

"If you follow us, I'll beat you up so badly that you'll have normal-colored hair. Capisce?"

Satoshi nodded fearfully, mentally deleting that information and then began to shout nervously the rest of the way to Takeshi's house.

* * *

Meanwhile, Wendy was jumping on Takeshi. Takeshi had several broken limbs from being kicked down the stairs and was missing quite a few teeth.

"W-Wendy… stop it, Wendy," Takeshi muttered.

"Read me a story!" Wendy shouted.

"You're four now, aren't you? Teach yourself how to read, you little Smurf!" Takeshi yelled.

Wendy bounced in between words. "I'M! NOT! FOUR! I'M! **_NINE_**!" On the last word, she pulled in her knees and slammed into her brother's stomach.

"Ow!" Takeshi cried. Satoshi had almost made it upstairs, but alas, Takeshi caught him. "Satoshi! Help me! Wendy's trying to kill me again!"

"Wendy, stop," Satoshi attempted feebly. He was liking the elementary scholar more every day. Then he climbed the rest of the way upstairs, ignoring Takeshi's cries of pain.

* * *

'_Daisuke, how could you?!'_

"How could _you_?! You know I've loved Risa for the longest time!" Daisuke growled. "I hate you, Dark. We're never speaking again!"

'_Hmph! What good is a guy who's ten inches shorter than me anyway?'_

"AT LEAST I'M NOT A JERK!"

"Aw, Gran-dude, isn't it cute? My little slice of peach cobbler is fighting with Dark!" Daisuke's mom cooed.

"Hmm, I guess," Gran-dude said. "In the mean time, I'm going to go play online backgammon in the tub like I typically do on Thursday nights. Goodbye."

A few moments later, Gran-dude came back up to Daisuke's mom.

"Hey, Daisuke's mom," said Gran-dude. "There's a humongous hairball down the drain. Get it out for me while I stand around and be useless."

"Okay!" Mrs. Niwa skipped upstairs and looked down the bathtub drain. "Oh, my, that is rather humongous! Well, don't worry, the Niwas have built things to deal with situations like this!" Mrs. Niwa got out her plastic fork that had 'De-Cloggifier' written on it in magic marker and proceeded to stab at the white lump until it came lose.

And low and behold, it was Wiz.

A very soggy Wiz.

A very disgusting Wiz.

A very dead Wiz.

**Oh no! Wiz? Dead? Could it be? You'll have to find out in the next chapter!**


	33. That's So Risa

**Hey! Guess what! Risa and Takeshi have taken time out of their busy schedules to rewrite a little song for you! (Takeshi by force) They hope you enjoy it! (But they're not very clever with words, I warn you).**

**Sung by the off-pitch, obnoxious, F-in-chorus voice of Takeshi Saehara.**

'**That's So Raven Opening' D.N.Angel Style**

**If you could gaze into the future**

**You might think this play would be a breeze**

**Casting Dark as himself (uh… 'mega squeal…')**

**And everyone else as a tree (or something along those lines)**

**She doesn't stop the situation**

**She just laughs rather evilly**

**That's so Risa (it's the future she can see)**

**That's so Risa (Pokemon packs at a dollar fifty three)**

**That's so Risa (I'm always afraid she'll blackmail me)**

**That's so Risa (in her sock drawer, there's a skeleton key)**

**Alright, now, it's the younger Harada**

**She says Dark is bigger than the Spanish Armada**

**She really likes him a-lotta**

**Hey, have you seen 'The Devil Wears Prada'?**

**That's so Risa (it's the future she can see)**

**That's so Risa (her boyfriends only last for a minute or three)**

**That's so Risa (Hey! What are you doing?! That's my microphone!)**

**That's so Risa (Oh my God! You're STOMPING on it!! I'm renting that!)**

"**You told everyone about the skeleton key!! If you don't make up for it somehow, this microphone will be your head!!"**

**Yep, that's her.**

**Oh, and as a bonus:**

'**Where Have All the Flowers Gone?' Naruto Style**

**Where has Itachi Uchiha gone?**

**Long, long time ago?**

**Where has Itachi Uchiha gone?Long time ago?**

**The answer my friends**

**Isn't in stores just yet**

**But you can always check the Internet**

**Okay, I'm done with the lame-tastic song rewrites. I hope you find it amusing rather than perhaps the dumbest thing ever (You try finding three words that rhyme with 'Harada'!). And the Itachi one was just because I was on a roll.**

**I digress. Please enjoy the chapter!**

Daisuke raced off to after school play practice. He was far past the whole 'dead Wiz' thing (unlike his mom, who hadn't stopped crying, not even to wish him "Goodbye, my little buttered crumpet!" when he left for school). But now he did have the task of getting to the art museum when Wiz wasn't there to be his wings. Sure, there was always flapping, but after he had done that that one time, he hadn't been able to paint correctly for weeks, and all his pictures of Risa had looked more like well-dressed bananas.

As he entered the auditorium, he saw Risa stomping around angrily, twisting the script in her hands in aggravation. Risa sensed his presence and glanced up quickly, her currently pupiless eyes making him flinch.

"Uh, here I am," Daisuke announced nervously.

Risa roared, a sign that she was going to start ranting, and Daisuke took a seat in one of the auditorium chairs. "I've been so flippin' busy with the play!" she shouted, her fists clenched as she paced back in forth. "I thought it was going to be great, but Takeshi had to go and ruin it all! I would have seen it coming, but I've even been so busy planning stuff that I didn't get a chance to check the cards!"

Daisuke gasped. "And after the song too!"

"Yeah, I know!" Risa's teeth were as pointed as a vampire dinosaur's. "Takeshi and that Hio girl and all the trees are outside protesting! What's worse is that I can't blackmail any of them, because apparently Takeshi's dad is the chief of police and _I don't have time to go on trial!_"

"Then where are Donis and Ayaka?" Daisuke asked. He didn't think anything could hold Donis back from doing an extracurricular activity with his beloved, not even a hyena that looks like a hippo.

Risa stopped pacing to fold her arms. "Apparently, Ayaka got hit by a mail truck and Donis is in the hospital with her."

"Then I'm the only one left," Daisuke said. "So, does that mean our date is canceled?"

'_It better not be! But then Riku will kill me… Hmm…'_ Dark began contemplating how hard it would be to go on a date with Risa if he was dead.

"Our date is so not canceled! Dark _is_ going with me, right?" Risa had her hands behind her back just then and a sound like a chain saw revving was coming from there.

"Uh…" Daisuke blinked in shock. "Um, of c-course…"

'_Wait! I can't go on a date with someone if I'm _dead!_ Daisuke! You have to go on a date with Riku! Riku will kill me if you don't show up to see her!'_

'_No way!'_ Daisuke inner-yelled back. '_If you don't go on a date with Risa, then she'll kill me! And she'll probably be able to get away with it somehow!'_

_But Riku has twelve karate and seven kick-boxing trophies!_

_And Risa has pointed gardening supplies!_

"DAISUKE! HERE! NOW!" Risa shouted from the exit door.

Daisuke ran up quickly. "Uh, where are we going?"

"We're looking for Satoshi," Risa said through gritted teeth. "He owes my sister a favor, and I'll use my charm/threats to get him in our play!"

"You… You don't mind threatening the most popular guy in school, then?" Daisuke questioned hesitantly.

Risa shrugged. "Whatever it takes to make this thing work!"

Satoshi was at his locker, getting his books. Daisuke couldn't help but notice a few major changes: not only was he humming 'Loituma's Polka', but he was doing it with a _smile_. (This is a rarely seen event that you can counter your friends with when they tell you've they've seen a solar eclipse.)

"Satoshi Hikari!" Risa shouted down the hallway at him.

"Ah, Risa!" Satoshi grinned. "That's _Hiwatari_. Some old phone books have that in there."

"Whatever!" Risa was in no mood for incorrect last names. "I need to talk to you about something _muy importante_!"

'_What? He changed his last name?' _Daisuke thought to Dark.

Dark scratched his chin for no reason other than to clarify that he was thinking. _'I wonder what he's got against 'Kingdom Hearts'.'_

"Yo, Daisuke!" Risa shouted. "Satoshi's in!"

"I-I'm playing a woman?" Satoshi asked in confusion.

"Risa!" Daisuke whispered and stepped a few lockers away; Satoshi was too blissful to pay attention to their conversation. "Dark isn't going to perform for this thing!"

Risa took it surprisingly well. "Aww, poor Darky! Is he okay? Aww!"

"Uh, okay then," Daisuke said. She wondered what she would say if he had had to back out.

"Guess what, Hiwatari? You're actually Dark!" Risa shouted down at him.

"Oh, okay." Satoshi hugged himself. (If you're friends find something more impressive than Satoshi smiling, you can re-counter them with this one.)

"I'm the woman who loves Dark then?" Daisuke said sadly.

"Yeah, you're shorter and your voice is higher, so it works." Risa took out a megaphone and turned it up full blast. "OKAY! GET TO THE STAGE PRONTO!"

* * *

"Practicing was really fun!" Satoshi said happily to Krad as he walked home from the train station with a spring in his step.

'_You're so weird,'_ Krad attempted to insult. _'Just because you found that rabbit again-'_

"Howie is wonderful!" Satoshi shouted. "I've never been so happy! And Mr. Saehara says I can keep him and Takeshi doesn't recognize him as Daisuke's!"

'_Yeah, but there's no way they could possibly think that lint ball you found in Takeshi's closet with the lipstick-drawn eyes could be that thing!' _Krad yelled.

"Well, I can keep him for a while," Satoshi said with a shrug and skipped off. (If they find something even more amazing - re-re-counter).


	34. Happy 2nd Birthday, Not DNAngel!

**Well, I **_**thought**_** Not D.'s 2****nd**** birthday was today, but I guess it was yesterday… So I'm celebrating it's belated birthday by playing Super Mario Galaxy and eating stuffed pasta shells and ice cream. I'm sure you can feel the excitement radiating off me all the way at your computer. Not only has my fan fic somehow lasted over two years, but I've also made it to chapter thirty four. And if you were me, you'd know that was almost more special than anything else, because thirty four is my favorite number for basically no reason.**

**As for what I was doing: Do you need me to say it? Oh, it was nothing important. I'm just incredibly addicted to the anime Soul Eater. Watching thirty episodes almost consecutively (aside from going to school and doing work); it's just an awesome show. In fact, while I'm writing, I am listening to the third ending, Bakosou Yume Uta. I told you the name so you can all listen to it and become possessed fans yourselves.**

**I just lost the game.**

"Daisuke! Dark! I have a mission for you!"

"No! Mom, not now!" Daisuke shouted from his room. "I need to memorize all these lines for Risa's play!"

"Please, cherry-eyes? I'll bake you a cake!"

"I don't want any of your toxic food!"

Daisuke's mom peeked in the door. "But it's really important… What can I get for you to convince you to do this?"

"Well…" said Daisuke. "I _have_ always wanted a box turtle, but you won't let me because you think Wiz will get jealous."

_Don't get a turtle! Get a lion! Or a flaming panda bear with blood dripping-_

"Don't talk about Wiz like that!" His mom sniffed. "He… He won't like it when he's in the rabbit-creature-thing field in the sky…"

"Mom, I really want a turtle! One that you won't poison! One that Wiz can't eat! Please?!" Daisuke begged. He had wanted one since he was old enough to say 'turtle', which must have been pretty early because he could lock-pick before he could walk.

"But a turtle is a big responsibility!" Daisuke's mom said. "Maybe when you're older!"

"Mom! I fight haunted art work every week! I think I can take care of a little turtle!" Daisuke argued. "Turtles don't do anything! They can't run away! All they do is eat grapes and hide in their shell! Please, please, please?!"

"Wow, Daisuke, you grovel well," Riku growled sarcastically.

"Ah! Riku! You're at my house! On my window sill…" Daisuke blinked. "Why did you come up through the window?"

"Your mom said that we would have to prove our worth as your partner by climbing up the roof," Donis explained, popping up beside her merrily.

"'We'?! I did all the pedaling!" Riku yelled.

"You biked up my roof? Never mind. Did my mom call you?" Daisuke asked.

"Yeah, she said she had a really important mission for us. Risa didn't come because she's busy freaking out about that play at home," Riku explained.

"When are we going?" Donis inquired once he was through passing out tea to everyone.

"Well, that all depends on how quickly my mom promises me a turtle." Daisuke proceeded to fold his arms and act like a disobedient child in a toy store for the first time in his life.

Riku rolled her eyes. "Okay, I'm not waiting around for this. What do we have to do this time?"

"On the edge of Daisuke's Home Town, a new person appeared randomly. And since we haven't had anyone randomly appear in a while now, I'd have to say that they're probably important to plot in some way," Daisuke's mom answered.

"Sounds like a jolly time!" Donis exclaimed.

"But Daisuke won't go unless I get him a turtle," she sighed.

"I'm not waiting around for this. I have a life." Riku picked up Daisuke and thrust him out the window. She and Donis arrived soon after on Riku's new mountain bike.

"Hop on," Riku called from the sidewalk to Daisuke, who had landed in a tree and was now being savagely pecked apart by a family of chickadees.

After clambering down, and ignoring the urge to get a box or nine of Band-Aids, Daisuke sat on the back of Riku's bike.

"How in the world are we supposed to fit three people?" he asked, clinging to Donis who was clinging to Riku.

"I guess I stuff you in the basket-"

"Uh, that's okay," Daisuke quickly declined.

So they road the forty-seven or so miles to the edge of Daisuke's Home Town. It was very late by the time they got there, but, miraculously, none of them were tired, not even Riku.

Donis looked about, then sipped from his China tea cup. "What happens now?"

Daisuke shrugged. "I guess we wait for something weird to happen."

It's a good thing that they didn't have to wait very long, because I'm sure if it were more than ten minutes more, their ADD would have kicked in and they all would have gone home. Instead, an emaciated and terror-stricken boy appeared.

"Something unusual!" Daisuke shouted.

"Kill it!" Riku jumped to her feet. The boy shrieked.

"No!" he screamed in defense, putting up his literally skinny-as-a-stick arms. "Don't hurt me! Please! I just walked for twenty-six miles to escape a _mental institution_ and rabid dogs and scientists, and I didn't get that far to be attacked by random people!"

Daisuke and Riku looked at each other.

"I don't know… Is it… Weird enough for you?" Daisuke asked her.

"I'm pretty sure at this point I've seen weirder," Riku nodded.

"You have to hide me! I don't want to get caught!" the boy pleaded.

"Don't worry, we'll protect you from the wacky shack," Riku said. She took out a clipboard for no reason. "So, tell us: why would you qualify as weird enough to bike forty seven miles?"

"Well… um…" the boy said, poking his fingers together Hinata-style and looking around.

"Yo, everyone! Luke here is totally poking his fingers together like Hinata and looking around as he attempts to not seem weird! Let's give him a round of applause!" said a DJ/Announcer-like voice from nowhere.

"What was that?" Daisuke looked around frantically.

"It won't stop following me!" the boy squealed, horrified.

"What kind of a name is Luke?" Riku laughed at his expense.

"I don't know, but it's weird enough to investigate," Daisuke replied.

Donis was giving poor Luke a cup of tea, which Luke couldn't drink because he was too busy sobbing fearfully.

"It won't stop following me!" he repeated. "Everywhere I go, every time I try to be normal, the voice comes out and tells everyone what I'm doing! And then people get scared of me!"

"OMG, everyone! News flash: a voice is following Luke around and totally terrifying not only him, but everyone around him, too! What to do!" the voice said, not realizing it was the cause of the boy's pain.

Luke sat on the ground crying and having himself a Pity Party.

"I suppose that's weird enough," Daisuke said with a shrug.

"Okee-dokee then." Riku shamelessly grabbed Luke by the wrist and stuffed him in her basket. "There we go. Nice and cozy."

Luke whimpered, looking anything but nice and cozy.

"You're not taking me back, are you?" he asked through his smushed mouth.

"Not to the funny farm, no," Riku answered, peddling quickly.

'_I didn't get to do anything,'_ Dark pouted.

'_I'm glad that we didn't have to do anything. I also hope that I get a turtle,'_ said Daisuke, determined.

So they road into the not sunset.

**What a cliff-hanger! Huh? What do you mean how? Don't you want to know if he's naming it Donatello, Rafael, Michelangelo or Leonardo?**

**Thanks to Sarah1281 for pointing out that Risa and Riku were switched, a common mistake of mine that before this chapter I promised to myself not to make again... Heh. I usually read these to my sister before posting them, but this time I didn't and there were those mistakes.**


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